Love Without Crown
Early Destruction (Part 2)
Afternoon flight feels sahdu because it is presented with stunning sunset views, things that became my favorite. This city will soon be left, whether when I return, every return feels longed to be healed but the wound is gaping again. Netraku far away glare out the window, memories back wander reminiscing that is still worth remembering or not.
Andri becomes the first adventure about free life in romance, aware that the act is sinful but lost with the despair that exists. The life I had changed only for mortal pleasure, leaving God was no longer a great thing. My daily life is very different from before, which is in the core mind of dirty people can have fun. Free love relationship with a partner when he is on leave, drunk, becomes commonplace, sober, but not one bit to use drugs or smoke.
Personal life has changed a lot, but not with academic life in college, I remain an outstanding student who received a scholarship, and active in campus organization activities. Behind my friendly yet talkative personality, my college friends didn't know how to wear it because of the self-limiting nature of personal life, in that drunkenness was done in an apartment that none of my friends knew about, he said, indeed, the distance is quite far from the campus, precisely near the airport because to make it easier for Andri when it comes to meeting me. The important thing that is my benchmark, personal life with life outside must be separated, when consciously falling into things that are not good does not mean the whole must be bad, but it must be bad, and naughty that I do alone because not once invite friends to get drunk, actually the important point of wanting to keep the good name of the family.
We can never choose which parents, which families are born because they are God's will, but we can choose what kind of family to form. Even though being born into a family that makes me experience terrible things, it does not mean hating them, it does not mean disrespecting them, and it does not mean damaging the family's good name. My family's life that seemed cold and indifferent to each other made me feel at home to live abroad. I prefer to live a free life like this, away from a family that is only bekabar via mobile phone, especially in the elderly, then in other words the family does not know my mischief as well.
Every vacation Andri always comes to see me, even often spend time off with me rather than his family, his family does not really care about how long at home as long as their monthly money is smooth, he said, that's what makes him lazy at home for a long time. Andri is more in the apartment than traveling when I was in college, she prefers to do homework, such as cooking, washing, ironing, and others, he always said that it could not be done every day because of the distance that separates. This is what makes me more affectionate to him, behind his advantages certainly has a deficiency that often makes quarrels, when angry then he will tease girls on social media or even ever go on the road, as if to show that it was very easy for him to find my successor, of course he relied on his money.
Exactly three years of my relationship with him, there were frequent arguments because of his unreasonable accusations, as if I could not understand the busyness in the campus that I had. She accused him of cheating, when he did not, every time he came to check his cell phone every day and rarely allowed to go other than for college, of course he asked for a lecture schedule and dropped off and picked up. At first I didn't mind the new rules because I felt they might be the best for others, in order to reduce their quarrels and false accusations. Over time it began to saturate with a possessive attitude that became more and more so that I did not develop, began to break down and it made us quarrel, until it came to a final decision, he said, I chose to part with him. Of course he didn't accept it, other than begging to come back for sure accusing me of having another man turn me away, then tucking in the message that I couldn't be accepted by another man because of our free love.
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One year after parting with him is not easy because it has to go through the first two months of sadness, crying every night, and of course for the sake of moving on to the maximum then moving from the apartment. Not just sad, but stressed also think about the last sentence he said then ask yourself really? my nyaliku feel challenged to prove it. I'm trying to find a guy who fits my criteria, of course, who has a good personality, it took me three months to sort through the remaining one man, Zul. Zul is an employee at a foreign company, who happens to be on duty in one city with where I live. We were introduced by college friends, we often ate together, so that it was very proud. When I wanted to show on social media, I saw Andri had taken another woman, I paled because I felt not superior.
One year my relationship with Zul went well, he was a good person despite being less able to manage emotions. I don't know what I have in mind, the preparation of the trap has been steady, it feels like I'm superior if I succeed in changing someone, unfortunately not a positive thing, but somehow it must work.
The light of the morning sun through the cracks of the window ventilation, staring at the man who was sleeping soundly beside me, he managed to trap me, more precisely given bait. Want virgin or not it feels the same, just feel satisfied because it can feel trapped someone into a dark life. Remnants of overnight excitement are still visible, one of the villas in Bali is a place to capture the memories that occurred last night.
“Good morning, sayanggg!” Spoiled sapaku.
“Good morning too, love!” He said while hugging me.
After Bali, we decided to live together, rent a house in an elite area, the consideration was not because there was too much money, but to keep the secret about living together. In this area it is as if they do not have time to take care of the lives of neighbors, busy with their affairs to somehow form next door neighbors, impressed ansos or individual, he said, but for those who have secrets is the right place. The location is quite far from work and campus, the direction of the road is different then rarely to go together, he headed east, I headed west. Life lived, lighter conflict, maybe because often meet so know how everyday.
“I won, you're just a loser!” I whispered in my heart with a satisfied laugh.
My association with zul had to end, when he was assigned to Singapore while I was assigned to kalimantan. In the years with him, I successfully completed college and qualified as an employee in one of the foreign companies as well as mining field, initially I will be placed in the head office, but it changed because the location in Kalimantan requires more HR (Human Resources) according to the skills I have. For the sake of the future, that is how we think, with a free heart to live LDR (Long Distance Relationship).
Two years of LDR, each career is shining, zul rose to office as well as me. Consequently we were busy so that the intensity of communication and meetings was minimal, repeatedly zul asked me to resign from the company and follow him to Singapore, he assumed that the salary he currently had could finance his life there. I refused because I did not want to lose my career, especially the salary I have nominally is not small, good enough for future investment.
[We haven't seen each other in almost a year, haven't you missed me?] Ask Zul at the end of the phone.
[Yes we are busy, at the end of this year we have a vacation, vacation together, want not?] I'm trying to melt the mood.
[May that too!] Enthusiastic response.
After entering the third year, the LDR is not well, often fighting for things that are actually trivial. His career is increasing so that he returned to the position, while I was still in the previous position. Zul was more and more strongly telling me to follow to Singapore, but I insisted to refuse. The relationship that is getting worse is quite disturbing my work, zul as if I can not understand anymore, then I decided to end it. He did not accept, repeatedly pleaded with anger, brought up the wedding plan that had been planned and brought up all the memories that went through with the years. Like humans in general, it takes a short time to make peace with the situation, I vent my sadness with workaholism.
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It feels tired of the messy romance story journey, already satisfied with revenge. Revenge that is not satisfied for a moment, proud to be able to do what others did to me first, even though it is not the same person. After parting with zul, I no longer desire to have a partner, I spend time to work and if tired then the time off is used for vacation.
When we feel hurt, revenge is not the solution to muffle it. We must be at peace with our circumstances, not forget to forgive, let the law of God resolve. An important point that I can take a lesson from, after years of being lost and feeling that life is the best choice. The choice that initially made me happy and satisfied, but in the end made me tired and back in despair.
“You didn't sleep for two hours, baby?” The husband question made me feel nostalgic.
“So, later at home”, I replied while tightly grasping his hand.