Mom, I Want School
29. HAVING A SISTER MEANS NOT HAVING SCHOOL

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"But why didn't Ari go to school?"

Mother did not answer. He just kept quiet while occasionally patting the body part of my little sister who was still breastfeeding.

My tears wanted to drip but I tried to hold it. As strong as I could hold it until it grew I felt trembling.

"All of Ari's friends are at school, said I who was so not accepted by the speech of the mother.

"That's a friend you're not yourself. You and them are different. You don't equate yourself with your friends!"

"But why mak? Isn't everything the same. Me and them make no difference."

My mother took a deep breath as if she did not accept what I said. He looked at me with a very serious face. Today I saw a completely different side of my mother that I had never seen before.

She looked very seriously at me and said, "How did you tell this to you but fate says you can't go to school like your friends."

"But why?"

"Because you have a sister."

I was made silent with a confused face. I don't understand what Mom is saying.

"Have sister? What's the matter if Ari has a sister and Ari doesn't go to school? What connection?"

"Is related. If you go to school then who will take care of your sister? After all mother will work at the house of brother Hajj Asbar as a maid and mother will not be at home long enough."

"You're the one who has to replace my mother and take care of Ara. If you go to school it means no one is keeping Ara at home."

"Who's guarding Ara if you go to school?"

"Ara can go with you, mother" I replied.

"can't. How could you have to clean the house while looking after your sister. Your sister would be a kid if she cried over there and who would clean up."

"The boss will definitely be angry" he continued.

I just stayed quiet until it was good to talk again.

"Emak knows you want to go to school but fate says and says that you can't go to school."

"But Ari wants to go to school, mom."

"Ari if you go to school who will take care of your sister. Having a sister means you don't go to school."

"But friends are all school-"

"Because they don't have a sister" he cut.

"You have a sister and they don't have a sister. They don't have a sister to look after and that's why they go to school."

Now my tears are really dripping flooding and love my cheeks that feel heated. It feels like my heart and my chest feel slashed and stabbed by practicing so very sadistic. I sobbed in front of my mother while she was silent as if she did not care about my tears flowing.

I don't cry because of false or artificial tears but this is the reality of my deepest heart. I really feel sad about this incident, it really hurt my heart but I can't say it directly to my mother.

I can't say that I'm really hurt by your mother's speech

"But Ari wants to go to school, mom," I said sobbing but seemed to hear the sobbing clearly made my mom turn back to look at me.

He complained, took a deep breath and then stroked my head with a smile. A faint smile was seen, smiling but her face was sad.

"Emak's sorry but you have to understand the situation now. Mom can't send you to school."

"If you go to school then there's no one to look after your sister and that means mom will stay home and look after your sister."

"Do you have to refuse work from brother Hajj Asbar to be a maid while your father does not have a job that makes enough money for living expenses."

"Your father's livelihood is only in the river and sometimes he comes home without money. What is produced in each day is not much, even if there is not enough to buy rice."

"If you only rely on the work of your father who only fished the fish and sold it to the people around it is not enough for our lives."

"Now mother not only lives you alone but lives your sister. The more time goes by the more costs will come out."

"Emak knows you want to go to school, but you also have to understand the current state of finances."

"Emak knows you really want to go to school but you don't know how to send you to school, son."

"Emak actually wants you to go to school but the fees and circumstances don't support you going to school."

"You and your friends are different. Don't look at your friends! Your friends are different."

"Look at Ami! Ami has a car, has a large rice field, a large high house and just circumstances that require him to live in an old house like that."

"But he has a lot of money. You don't-don't see your friend Cai and Ririn. They are also rich kids. He's got a lot of bikes and Cai's parents have two kids in college."

"He worked as a brick maker and earned a lot. Not like us, son."

"Then what about Angga?" ask me in a sobbing tone while occasionally wiping the flowing tears and wetting my cheeks.

"You know, Angga's finances are also often thinned but there is one thing that Angga has and you don't have."

"What mak? What Agga had while Ari didn't have."

"There's some?"

"What Mak? For Ari it's the same. Ari has a head to think and Angga is like that too. Angga has a bag or a book to study, Ari also has if his mother buys it for Ari."

"But if you don't have the money to buy a uniform for Ari, Ari's fine."

"Just register first Ari then after that Ari will buy his uniform later. Ari will help Uncle Santoso sow fertilizer in his rice field."

"Uncle Santoso always gave Ari the money and the money Ari would collect to buy school uniforms."

Mom took a deep breath, it seemed like she was tired of facing me. Mom touched her fist tightly and pressed it hard. I don't know why I feel so angry with Ari.

I don't know if this sentence is too much but this is my will. I really want to go to school.

"Enough Ari. My mother could not hold her patience. Don't make your mom angry!"

"Emak can't send you to school. You're not in school. Once you say you don't go to school, you don't."

"But Mak, Ari is very eager"

"Enough Ari! Mom can't send you to school! Why can't you hear?!!"

"You didn't go to school because you have a sister!!! You gotta take care of your sister's-"

"But Ari wants-"

"Silence Ari!!!" yelled mom who really made me jerk in surprise.

My heart seemed to want to jump out of its place. My heart stopped beating until I could feel my whole bones ache as my mother snapped at me. For the first time the figure of the woman I so dearly loved had snapped at me.

Now I believe that the snapping of a mother really hurts a child. You need to know that the pain that a child gets will come from the words or snapping of his mother and now this is what I feel.

I really feel the taste of a sliced heart, this does not include a poetic sentence or a poem but it is a heart.

I ran into the room because I couldn't stand it and then closed the door tightly and leaned this limp body on the surface of the door. I kept quiet while biting the tip of my hand and tightly shutting my mouth trying to hold the sound from coming out of my finger cavity.

I cried as much as I could and ran to the top of the room and finally shed that cry. I closed my mouth and clogged it in a pad trying to hold back the crying that was completely out of control.

Both my eyes were reddened as flowing tears washed down to the surface of the pillow. The will that I had long kept stirred in my heart. The day and night that I kept thinking about finally had an answer.

Such a painful answer. Sentence is not school, just a few sentences and it makes me so very sad and desperate after knowing it. I know this is really very painful.

Maybe some of these people are too much, but this is the reality. Every day I imagine how wonderful school is to be with friends, play with them and learn with great teachers.

I saw him when I crossed the school. I saw them all look so happy while holding a bag that various colors and shapes made me more excited for school but somehow with that sentence collapsed all my dreams, it was destroyed.

I looked up at the ceiling of the house with several cobwebs. I looked up as if I was staring at God up there.

God look at me!

What circumstances do You give to this 8-year-old little boy who only wants to go to this school. It's the school I want. I don't want anything else but why should it be destined like this.

Ari's desire is just that, school and school but everything just passes. That sentence was really painful and the point was, Ari was not in school.

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