Mom, I Want School
31. RESIGNED WITH CIRCUMSTANCES

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The blue sky above gives orange-colored paintings at the corner of the sky around a high mountain. The birds have returned to their nests and it indicates that I have to go home.

After hearing the conversation with Aunt Ati at that time I tried to wake myself up to a fact and situation.

Now I understand why I can't go to school like all of them, my friends. All night I was silent while staring at the ceiling of the room which was so very quiet.

I let my room light go off, not being in a situation or mood, just that I didn't want my mom to pay too much electricity. I love my mom and that's why I don't want to bother her and one of them is not school.

Perhaps this is my fate, the destiny of God that has been outlined to this boy like me. Having both parents who are not educated then a destiny also predestined to both children who are not in school.

But I hope that if I grow up I really hope to send my children to school as I want them to be right now. I don't want my kids to feel what I feel right now.I really hope that my kids can go to school and achieve their goals.

The sunlight that is at the end there moves slowly up to heat up this earth. The movement of the leaves that move because the wind is so very beautiful it looks to shake the leaves of large and small green and young make the feeling so very comfortable sitting for a long time on the embankment.

Now I'm not sitting on an embankment where I often sit spending time with friends but I'm currently alone. Today I want to be completely alone, not want anyone to bother me right now.

As for Ara, Ara was with her father at home. It seemed like the fish I had always admired that much in the river seemed to be slowly starting to run out. Some days I did not get any fish and decided to stay at home. Either because there is no fish that he can or he now likes to laze because now his life has been guaranteed by the mother who works as a maid in the house of Hajj brother Asbar. Yes, the rich man.

I closed both eyes, though, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly then opening it until I could see my friends from a distance who seemed to be stepping together in a school uniform complete with bags and other supplies.

I smiled faintly as I stared at those who were so very cheerful and happy. They stepped together while singing merrily as if he was being herded to heaven. Maybe this is a bit too much but this is the view of a boy who has never been to school is looking at a boy who is going to school.

From here I could see the figure of Ami and Angga along with Cai and Ririn who seemed to step into the school on foot. Their smiles expand like no other. I can't even count how happy they seem to be.

I used to imagine what it was like to go to school like them but now everything is just a delusion and even hope it is not allowed. I can't expect even that hope to embarrass me.

A boy like me shouldn't have to dream too high and hope until I finally fall leaving a hope that only becomes a story and illusion. Empty feel.

Yes I feel it. Have you ever eaten a dish without salt? It feels like that, bland! You do live in a house with a complete family but you don't go to school. How's it feel?

I smiled again as I looked back at my friends who had gone far enough but I could still see them even I could see one of them jumping up and down.

I couldn't see it clearly because their distance was already far enough but these two eyes could still reach them.

My friends, go to school.

Achieve your ideals and do not neglect the duties given by your fathers and teachers because in fact the task you are away from is the dream of a boy like myself who wants to feel it.

You who always feel sad when you have to bother getting up early to go to school when it is the dream of children who never feel the school even he always hopes to get up early only to go to school.

I even thought about a question from Nur's sister who asked me what my ideals were and I said, "I want to be a soldier."

Yes, the dream of a child.

He asked again, "Why do you want to be a soldier?"

I smiled shyly and replied, "I've seen helicopters flying up there and I've also seen hordes of soldiers walking so gallantly that's what makes me want to be like them."

But the one sentence that came out from the mouth of sister Nur made my hope slowly fall. This one sentence I will never forget. He said like this, "If you want to be a soldier then you have to go to school but you don't go to school means you can't be a soldier."

And from that day on I stopped dreaming. I stopped aspiring because I had stopped dreaming for school. Should I say to my mother, "Emak, I want to go to school!"

And the answer is, "You don't go to school."

...~TAMAT~...

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