SONG IN MY LIFE
Cannot yet

The bedroom, which usually always provides warmth for Arnold and Fairy, is now different. The two sat far apart. Fairy sat on the edge of the bed and Arnold stood by the balcony door leaning against the wall. Both hands are put into a pants pocket with faces that look frustrated.

There was a troubled heart because of a situation that had never been expected before. Arnold married Fairy because he didn't want to lose her. Although the marriage was done secretly, Arnold was happy. Although this happiness felt only between him and Fairy first. Arnold is not ready to share.

"So how should we?" Fairy asked after the two were silent for a while.

"We can't have it yet" Arnold replied softly barely heard.

"Your servants, meng....abort...his?" Fairy asked stammered as she herself was at a loss for Arnold's words.

Arnold did not answer. He himself was doubtful about what would be decided.

"Fairytale. I want to have a child with you someday. But it can't be now. I don't want to be in a hiding situation like this. I want when you're pregnant, I'll always take you to the doctor, hold your hand in front of a lot of people to declare that you're my wife. I want to see my children grow up freely without having to be hidden in this garden. Starting next month I will be preoccupied with the 30th tour of the country. I won't even be home for months. And if you're pregnant now, then it could be that when you give birth, I'm not next to you. And I don't want to be like that. If you get pregnant later, I want to quit all my activities for 1 year."

Fairy looked at Arnold. He knew Arnold was as confused as he was. Having a child now, it's hard. Fairy's not even ready. What about all his ideals? Should she bury her desire to become a career woman? How did Anna's grandmother respond? Ah, Fairy could already imagine the old woman would look at him with a disappointed face. Fairy remembered how to convince her grandmother to come to London.

"In Jakarta, there is no prestigious university? Why go to people's country?"

"Mom, this is a good opportunity. Not everyone gets the chance to study abroad for free. Come on, grandma." Fairy held Anna's grandmother's hand with a face full of pleading.

"Fai, you've just turned 17. Grandma can't keep an eye on you there. Too far. Grandma was also afraid of promiscuity there. What if you end up tempted to follow the lifestyle of the young people there?" Grandma Anna shook her head. "Stubborn...."

"Mom, trust me. I will faithfully hold all of Grandma's advice. If necessary I will never date. I'm gonna finish college fast, and be a career woman. I will make my grandmother happy and proud. I'll work in a big office and have a good income for both of us."

Grandma Anna smiled. She held the pretty face of her grandson. "You promise to keep your attitude? You promised you'd take your visa and not your marriage certificate?"

"I promise, grandma."

Fairy's tears fell as she remembered her promise. His belief not to date during college was shaken by Arnold's charm that could not be rejected.

"Ar, should we throw it away?" Fairy asked between her tears.

"If you want to keep him, I want our relationship to be known to everyone. I want you to quit your college, quit your job at Alex's company and focus on him. Are you ready?" Arnold stared at his wife's brown bead without blinking.

"I can't, Ar. I'm not ready to be a mother, to take care of my children. I want to keep my promise to Anna's grandmother. I'm not ready for our relationship to be known by so many." Fairy looks frustrated. He struck his feet with a very confused heart.

"Darling, I'm gonna go out for a second. My head's dizzy." Said Arnold. He took the jacket from the walk in closet, then took the car keys off the table. He approached Fairy, gently dyed his wife's forehead and left the room.

Fairy's cry sounded again. He wanted to run but didn't know what to do.

The cell phone sounds. Fairy was shocked to see a call from Anna's grandmother.

"Hallo grandma...!"

"Son, you haven't slept?"

"Why does grandma know?"

"From your voice as well as the call of your grandmother who was quickly picked up by you. You ill? Or is there a problem? It's midnight, isn't it?"

Fairy bit her lips. Holding back her crying so as not to break.

"I'm doing fine. Study bias because soon the college will finish?"

"Grandmother was happy to hear it. You know, grandma's been collecting money. Grandma's going to London to attend your graduation."

"Grandma's coming here?"

"Yes, honey. Grandma wanted to see you at graduation. And we're going back together to Indonesia."

"Grandma, there's an offer of S2 studies to America. I continue working at the company while I work now. They'll provide an apartment and say grandma can come."

"America? Can you be with me?"

"Yes, grandma. His salary is great and our living expenses are both borne by the company."

"alright. Grandma's going with you."

Fairy's tears fell back. "Mom, take care of your health."

"Yes, kid. Grandma always takes care of your health because she wants to see you succeed."

"alright. Now I want to go to bed first. Congratulations malan, grandma"

"Good morning, my granddaughter."

Fairy's crying broke again. It is on the edge of great worry. He stared at the screen still in his hand. Then he typed a message for Willy.

Will, I need your help

Arnold hasn't returned yet. Soon a message from Noah came.

Miss, sir had an accident. Condition's good. There were only bruises on some parts of his body. Master's at XXX hospital.

Fairy was surprised to read the message. He called Noah.

"Noah, how's it going?"

"Master was a little drunk. He hit a roadblock. Fortunately, the car has a sophisticated security system. Master only had bruises on his hands and temples. The doctor said he could go home tomorrow morning."

"I'm safe there."

"There's a lot of reporters here, miss. But if Miss wants to come, I can set up a back road."

"Effortless, Noah. You take good care of Arnold, right? Yea..."

Fairy threw her hp with origin on the bed. This is how it became. Even when Arnold needed him the most he couldn't be there because he would be caught by reporters. How will they have children?

**********

Willy and Cassie stared intensely at Fairy. The girl's face looked pale, her eyes were puffy and her makeup was muddled. He doesn't even care about his messy hair.

The three of them were sitting in the garden enjoying drinks and cakes that were being prepared by Aunt Lun.

"How's Arnold doing?" Cassie opened the conversation.

"Arnold is still asleep. Maybe the effect of the drugs he was taking. I can't go there because there are so many reporters. Rachel and Ezekiel accompany Arnold."

"So, are you serious about your decision?" Ask Willy.

Fairy nodded without hesitation.

"Have you thought carefully?" ask Willy again. As a doctor, he didn't want to do this.

"It has. Just look now, to accompany him I can't. I really want a simple couple. Not a couple whose life from A-Z wants to be known to reporters."

"Do you regret marrying Arnold?" Ask Cassie.

"Maybe. I don't know. I myself am confused by this situation. I want so much to achieve my dream. And it turns out the dream didn't go along with Arnold."

"Don't tell me you finally want a divorce from her."

Fairy shook her head."No. gabe. I love Arnold."

"This is a difficult situation. But if you've made up your mind, I'll help you. My friend has a full-fledged birthing clinic. He let me use his clinic this afternoon. I hope you rest and eat enough to make the process go well." Willy said heavily.

"Good." Answer Fairy steady. She imagined the face of Anna's grandmother. His heart is getting sick.

Hp Fairy reads.Call from Arnold.

"Cummer, honey. How are you doing.?" Ask Fairy.

"Still a little dizzy. I'm going home to the mansion this afternoon."

"Why?"

"In the mansion the doctor will more freely control me. If he's there, he can see our wedding photos. I still have to undergo treatment for 5 days. You want to come here, right?"

"But, Ar. There are many servants. And also..."

"You can come as my girlfriend. Is that not possible? So the boyfriend has to be hidden?" arnold's voice sounded a little riled up.

"I made a pact this afternoon with Willy to perform a curettage act."

Arnold quiet.

"Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."

Arnold was silent.

"I close first, right? Yea..." Fairy looked at Willy and Cassie. His pale face smiled. A few seconds later, she was crying. Cassie stood up and hugged her best friend. "You can do it, Fai."

Fairy nodded. Mind collapsed. He knew he was going to commit a great sin.

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