A Youth In Life "AL"
Unable TO BE WILLING

As far as I could try to run, as hard as this leg I was forced to actually run from the reality that I might have just heard, because I didn't want it to happen, I just hope in God…

Hopefully what I just heard was a mirage, just a delusion in my mind and not a reality that will actually happen later.

I don't want to, I don't want if brother adhit goes to leave me, I don't want to be alone and there's no way I'll go with him abroad.

Far away there, Brother Adhit was looking for my whereabouts. Maybe he won't know and he'll never understand if I'm really not willing to let him go, he's running from corner to corner, edge to edge. Wailing - calling my name, looking for my figure.

“al, I got a scholarship for nerusin to study abroad al..” he shouted for me.

My phone seemed to vibrate, it turns out that my brother tried to contact me, he was calling incessantly. But no matter how I want to lift it, I really can't accept the situation.

“al, where are you?? Please... pick up my phone al.” sms brother adhit.

I really didn't want to pick him up, didn't want to tell him and give him a chance to talk to me because I knew what he was going to say to me, if later he will go abroad to continue his S2 studies because he got a scholarship.

I can't hear it. Really !!!

****

I continued to be alone, pondering all, various speculations surfaced in my mind. There are so many assumptions and reasons that I can not really accept even though it makes sense and for the good of everyone. I really feel selfish for myself, for the lives of others I don't really have.

But my common sense was not thinking about it, my selfishness was more dominating over my desire to have it in my life than staring at the painful reality.

For hours I could have let this body I have dangled unkempt, but there might still be a chance for me to speak to Brother Adhit, he said, if I didn't want him to leave because I love him so much and I don't want to be here alone.

At 12:00 p.m., I tried to meet Brother Adhit.

I looked for him at home, college, but... I can't find him, where's brother adhit, where is he??, where should I look for him again... Where !!! maybe I should call him, maybe by the way I call him I'll know where he is now or just text maybe.

Before long... I tried to contact brother adhit, it turns out the phone number is not active, can not be contacted, why ??? what's going on, how heavy is Adhit right now. Why didn't he give me a little news.

Oh My g0d. What God !!! what !!!

****

For days I did not manage to find Brother Adhit, the slightest news never came to me, a news that I was waiting for his existence about brother adhit. Maybe I'm feeling desperate, sick, I really don't want to lose brother Adhit. Really !!!