A Youth In Life "AL"
Still silent Silence

~

“now sunday al, usually High School children spend the day with shopping or just a walk with their peers.” Said brother adhit who suddenly switched the conversation.

Soon this running leg died a figure of a brother adhit that I really do not understand, somehow and what has happened to my inner feelings.

I want to feel like crying, though,,

but kanapa??

For no apparent reason, and....

why do you say such adhit to me, why is he so detailed in assessing the body that I have?. implied the true shame I very much endure from his words.

I kept running as far as the sight of his eyes and the sight of my eyes, and,,

far away among the trees that lined each other accompanied the path and pebbles scattered on the ground.

My beating heart added to the anxiety and anger that seemed to overflow like a stunami wave that wanted to flatten the vast land.

####

between the run of my tiny legs that occasionally stumble over the long stretch of cloth I wear. The shadow always follows where I run, when all I want is to be alone,,, but all I want is,,

calm the heart,,

calm the shame,,

the emotion of my stupidity,,

Who exactly is he?,

what will?,

so do I, too, and,,

what is happening to me,

myself,,, myself,,

the feeling I have,, the,,

even my brain of thought?,

aaaaach, that,...

I want to scream as loud as possible to lose all the burden and everything that happened to me.

I'm totally helpless,,, man,,

I am a weak creature.

####

Arriving this body right in front of the old building, a building that is so sturdy and soaring into the blue sky, the, buildings that look eroded era but still beautiful like still fit to live in human beings.

among the mounds and piles of large rocks, weeds also decorate the beauty of nature that slightly makes my heart calm.

I was silent for a moment, though,,

little curses began to grumble on my lips, regret came rumbling, my eyes glazed as if tears were spilling, but there was no reason for them to come out of my cornea, and,,

I'm not gonna let that happen, 'cause why cry over an event that doesn't understand the truth.

I still don't believe in this situation,

but...

my heart was scratched,,

no matter how small the scratch, the pain I felt was more than a knife.

if only there was someone who had a miracle, I hope to meet him,,

I'll scream at him

"please lose my memory !!"

Maybe this incident, an event that I do not understand will not be easily lost in this memory.

the whistling of birds, accompanying my solitude sitting on a rock, time after time I passed by empty daydreams.

maybe a minute is not enough for me to think clearly, it takes hundreds, even thousands of minutes for me to reach my heart to accept the spaciousness of my chest that this is just a mistake and my stupidity.

****

I began to move from the rock, which I probably sat on 240 minutes ago,,

by walking quietly and slowly like a noble who left his residence, gracefully without the sound of foot to the residence of warmth that is so small for me to comfortably occupy him.

Maybe, maybe, maybe,,

a middle-aged man, or a middle-aged woman was already waiting for me there, waiting for me for a very long time as the orange sky slowly began to sprinkle blue earth atmosphere.