DESTINY IS NOT WRONG
Echoes of Takbir Reverse, Where are you?
Even a year ago, when we were told to feel anxious, anxious and anxious. Energy, energy,
this time and thought were drained away thinking of the figure lying unnoticed
powerless. He is now friendly with a hose attached to his nose and vitals,
unconscious for two weeks in the intermedite room because it needs a handler
intensively, at first glance the man fell asleep even though he was in the middle
faced with a supernatural journey that we ourselves never knew.
In the second week of Ramadan, my nephew, Zulfan, contacted my second brother
telling the health condition of men who choose to live alone because
it was like that way he preached, where standing there he led people
to understand monotheism, even though his daily life is only a healer
never set a price for one treatment, but Dad is included
a powerful physician.
I've found a patient who hasn't been able to walk since the age of two
years, and when the tax at the age of five, the child was able to walk
although slowly, because of the treatment to the father.
Bang Zulfan told us that my father was sick and had fainted. When
when I regained consciousness, he just laughed as if
nothing happened.
“Dad, reduce the cigarette do not get too much coffee is also a danger if you fall sick
again.”
Father simply replied, “ Hahahaha..” I don't know what he's laughing at, maybe my way
who was somewhat patronizing until finally he opened the conversation only
with jokes and laughter, again I don't know what that means. At one
the conversation, when the sound of laughter Dad began to dissect us was washed away in one
discussion of my concerns about the way Dad wandered like that, from
I'm a toddler Dad rarely comes home, up to three months or even more, then
it's back.
And I once wished and asked God to return him home
when he is sick he is not neglected, because the life and death of a person is not
guessable. Worried, Dad stretched his own life without any relatives,
na’udzubillah min dzalik.
Because it is like that the behavior of Fathers who seek religious truth through a journey from one city to another
another city, from a crowded island to a remote even though it
visit, for the sake of religion, his life and death for Islam. I myself do not
you know, what kind of Islamic school Dad practiced and I never wanted to know
tarekat what he was living so drifting , forget with us children
his wife.
His falling sick father seemed to answer that he had to return to the wife's lap and
a complete break from a search for truth at any time
the truth will not be anchored in any dock, now is the time
share time for his son and daughter who are now growing up, even
two of them were married and were given cute daughters.
Until one day, Dad split the shaf para jam’ah prayer terawih, and indeed already
becoming a routine every year, our family held the best prayer
berjama’ah, although the slowly the residents of the shaf one by one
he is called by Allah, for everything is old and there is no more
continue this tradition. On my fifth sister's lap, Dad fell
he was wearing barefoot and clothes that were dirty with dust.
There was something unnatural from his stings, suddenly removing the foam. I took the initiative
to take him to the Hospital, worried that there was a serious illness
agonizing. Sure enough, the doctor's diagnosis said, Dad had a stroke
with infection and 17 percent blood vessel leakage in his brain.
“But can heal doc?!”I was panicking and worrying.
“We just try to mas, the rest leave the same owner of destiny.” Answer the doctor
while throwing a smile calmly. My panic disappeared instantly, ringing in the
ears with the last words that the man in white coats spoke, duty
man only seeks and the final decision lies with the owner of destiny.
Indeed, if relying on destiny to God might make us
calm, but sometimes the form of fate itself hangs in Lahul Mahfudz
and still a mystery. Concerned about those who have suffered from illness
it's death. Death is the best course of a person
son of man to return to the owner of his soul, but it is necessary
the courage and courage to welcome death itself.
Death is a reality that must be faced and cannot be
circumvented, this is the beginning of the human journey to approach and return to
He asked, which makes death a sorrow only because of greed
a man who wants immortality and is too greedy to own things
the deposit that belongs to Him. It doesn't feel ethical, if an interpreter
parking claimed to be the owner of the car parked on his land,
even though it is just a ride to leave the vehicle.
That is how I must learn to realize that it is all His, soul, body and body
the facilities we have now are the same, and they are not eternal. For the si
the poet who he is so comfortable with the night, then he must be willing to welcome
morning comes, and for the lover he must also be aware that there is a meeting then
there was also farewell. That way I will be calm to face everything
the possibilities that will happen, well about our own destiny are still
groping and even blind.
Now, I hand over my father to God, let him decide the best course
to him and before God himself, I resigned.....
A week before Dad was in the hospital, my sister Zahra was in intensive care at the hospital
similarly, the youngest is diagnosed with positive DHF, and requires a lot of cells
white blood. At the beginning of the IGD room entry, medics are less responsive to patients
who only use SKTM letter references, Certificate Not Capable, well, well,
because the lives of the poor are cheaper than those who have
company or at least pin strategic positions or pretend
friendly when there are local government employees who are surveying. Right, here's the picture
the reality is that the poor are forbidden to be sick.
Why the hospital did not dare to blatantly make a complete sticker
with the inscription, ‘ poor people know themselves kalleeee!!’ or ‘the feel citizens
poor please wait patiently.’ Lucky for those who are treated like
that is, because only the poor have a stock of patience that does not
there's never an end.
The blood and room submission I have been trying from ten in the morning, until right in the middle
the night my sister just endured the pain and drowned,”abang Zahira no longer
strong!” Our cries broke when we heard the words from the already
dry and peel off the skin.
Many times I tried to ask back the ICU room which he said was still full and was waiting for other patients to come out.
Plus, the reason given by the hospital, that the supply in the bank
empty blood, until finally we were told to ask the nearest blood bank, no
there are places nearby except in the city of Tanggerang. Twelve o'clock at night,
the hospital asked us to look for blood
we are blind to this one.
With tears still tucked in my petals, I had to look for white blood cells
according to the blood type for my sister, the hospital just gave
a little sample of blood and an ice box.
“Adik Mas need six bags of white blood cells.” Said the blood bank officer while giving
a small canister of blood samples and a box containing ice cubes as well as a piece of paper
which I myself cannot translate medical language.
“Oh yes Mas, if you have finished using, please box is returned back to
we yah?”
“Yes, Allah if there is a rechargeable voucher patience we want to buy, it feels like we buy,
truly we can't wait to be treated like this, take heart and cool this head Yes Rabb.” I soak it
myself and I just took it as a sign of what
asked the woman in white.
All we have is surrender and patience with the treatment of the hospital
because if we speak loudly, they are playing with the family
it finally affected the patient and I didn't want Zahra to be left
displaced.
Accompanied only by dim street lights and sometimes automatically turn off, the distance from
hospital to get to protocol road takes 15 minutes or
as soon as 5 minutes was using the services of an ojeg, and money in the pocket
just enough for the round-trip fare.
Sweat is unstoppable again and continues to pour all over the body. Sometimes I
slip a small run for the sake of chasing time and ice cubes are feared
looking, because of the distance between the hospital and the Tanggerang city blood bank
it takes an hour to use an angkot, and I have to go up twice
public transport to get there.
From the front of the road not far from the hospital, I had to ride a plated angkot
black to get to the main road, because there is only angkot
take me to Ahmad Yani's field.
“Is there an angkot clock this way?”Ask me so
dismayingly.
I had to walk a few meters and cross the red light to get there
finding an angkot with its side line green, it's an alternative if I
didn't find a mini bus that could deliver me right at the location I was
sevens. Well, if I use the green angkot M-10 must walk again to
arriving at Tangerang city park.
I lost quite a lot of time when I had to wait for the angkot, quite torturous
the more and more it makes me more anxious. The heart is beating more and more
of course, in my mind there was only Zahira's pale face and she was unconscious.
“Abang, Zahra is no longer strong.” Those words continue to haunt me,
and trigger emotions.
“Sabar yah Zahra dear..several more brother canin the blood for you.” While
close your eyes so tightly, that eventually these tears spill and do not
I was able to stand up again, almost my mind was empty and lost concentration.
It's inappropriate if I'm angry with an angkot driver for too long to go, but
again I have to tolerate that he works for his son and his wife, not yet
again the money he had to deposit to the owner of the questionnaire, at that moment
dampen my emotions. Half an hour later, the driver drove his vehicle
because it is considered enough to standardize the count, the formula
mathematically, only he knows how to count.
In the middle of the road there is a little strange looking, why suddenly this angkot
turn and not in the direction I mean. Over time increasingly
make the driver feel hooked adrenaline, or maybe he knows the time
rental hours, to the extent that it is so hasty to pursue deposits, and as a result
I have to find an angkot that is against the direction from where I was sent down.
Missing my calculations, the money in my pocket was for round-trip and non-existent
more for a force meeting like this. Aaah, there must be a way out and
Allah is on guard and keeps watch over his servants. My sweat is
it dries up, as it is washed away with air-conditioning in the Municipal blood bank
Responding, two officers greeted me kindly.
“Goodnight Mas, can we help?”
I also offer what is supplied by the hospital where the current
to be a pit of tears, for I know who Mamah is whose heart is sensitive and
it was too easy to cry, what else to see his beloved daughter in the middle
critical. The more he did not stop crying, the more effort, the more
broke crying.
Back to the two officers who welcomed me, they seemed to understand
with a piece of paper given by the hospital and a blood sample
brother, Zahira. After entering the laboratory from a distance there is a visible presence
the big fridge inside, and I saw hundreds of blood bags
neatly, not long after the two officers came back and called me.
“Mas, this is his blood.” Throw me an open ice box as proof that the cell
the white blood I asked for was already in it.
“Thanks mas.” I extended my hand as a greeting to the business I considered
it's done this.
“And it's service cost.” The officer gave me a piece of paper.
I was shocked for a moment and did not understand the meaning of the nominal stated in
that receipt.
“What does it mean Mas?!”
“This is the amount to be paid.”
“Yes Allah, blood is for sale? I am free because I am also a blood donor,
why is it also charged?”
“Indeed free Mas, this is just a substitute for the cost that the blood bank has spent, to recruit or search
voluntary blood donation, the cost of blood bag procurement, the cost of medical materials
or non-medical, blood type and Haemoglobin/Hb examination costs
procurement of filter test reagents to be free from IMLTD which includes HIV/AIDS,
HBsAg, HCV, as well as RPR(syphilis), the cost of procuring reagents for matching tests
(gel test method), replacement cost
tools, equipment maintenance costs, facilities and infrastructure, supporting costs include water, electricity, telephone, and medical waste disposal, demikan mas budget for
each bag, we use for that cost.”.
“Samely, where is the free?!” The country is becoming more and more unclear and
until the Mother Earth's heart burdened this cost, where prosperity for
the people?! Where welfare is promised in the Law, whereas to ask for blood only must
pay this high?! How come?!
“Mas, we are a poor family and told to ask for blood here, but
why should I pay? Our hospital is free?! And I have
my blood donation card, this is proof that I am willing to donate blood,
but when I need why should bayaaar?!” Here I ride the apoplexy, and
I don't understand all of this.
“Originally you know, there.My brother is faced with death and far away.
I came here only to beg for the mercy of the donor house, but until
it's just like this happening here. If this had happened to your family?
What are you guys gonna do? And the blood donation card I have doesn't sell apparently?! Javaaab!!! “ I saw two
the officer looked clumsy and understood the situation I was in.
“Begini Mas, we have no cooperation with the hospital where adik mas in
outpatient. But this is the mechanism and we ourselves are not decisive
policy, considering it's midnight and no office person comes in.”
My emotions were afraid of having a bad impact on Zahra and I finally asked for a policy,
the phone and ID card I have had to be a guarantee, when
I've got all these fees, I'll redeem what's guaranteed.
For me, this blood is all I need, the rest of the treasure is inside
the hand, it seems, no longer matters. And the two officers,
feeling confident until finally giving a few bags of blood to the nipple
Zahras.
What material meaning do I have, all can't afford a smile, a joke and
zahra's cheerfulness, he is the younger brother who became the successor to the family's ideals, still
clearly heard when he said, “Abang, if Zahra became a doctor is capable
pay for my college until graduation?” A simple question but difficult for me
answer, because I am well aware that the cost of education in this country is too
expensive, what else would Zahra want to take.
Not a million or two million, but hundreds of millions, even at university
the leading country in the Republic. The only answer that can calm my sister that one, just masyi’ah11
what I can give for him, as a motovation, to study harder
again.
But the little girl now looked weak, without any reaction from her body, only
the electrocardiograph became my conversation partner.
Owner of the veil of the sky, eraser of all anxieties, and as good a giver
decision, give the best path for my sister. After the blood I brought
entering into his body, berahan seen an improved reaction. Eyelids
lying open, he looks confused by the circumstances around him. “Abang,
Zahra where?” A few words that came out from his mouth, enough to make this heart
like being swept away by dew.
“Zahra is in the hospital, and back home.” “Where are you?”
“Tomorrow morning he returns, pity Mamah lack of rest. So let's have a little brother tonight
the guard. Already, Zahra rest again..”.
There are no words worth saying, no prayers that cannot be answered, only
only the time and angle of goodness according to the view and judgment of God. Well, yeah,
that was the incident one year ago, ahead of the Eid al-Fitr, two trials
the hardest thing God has given me.
Now a year ago, those times have changed and this is the year I still think
shrouded in happiness, because the age of this woman is only a few days. Our
pass through this blessed month with happiness, unlike the year that
then. It was a tense and draining moment, not because of work
physical, but this mind is struggling with destiny. About the death that we
never knew, he was a mysterious guest that God deliberately created
as a sign that nothing is ever eternal, and remember! Nonexistent
a single being is capable of convicting a person with death, therefore
not our territory as creatures.
During Ramdhan month, almost ninety percent of me prepared food for
saur and open Julie. Even if it rains in the morning, he will be angry
if not prepared sahur meal, but again I have to think
positive, it has become the obligation of the husband to prepare and provide
food and washing clothes for children and wives.
****
Things that become the will of God
If we refer to His word, it is the duty of the father to feed and clothe
to the mothers in the manner of ma'ruf. Me too
realize that my job as a husband is not just to make a living,
the development of that verse is clear that it is my duty as well
preparing food and washing clothes.
Well, almost a month I live something like this, after work I take time
washing clothes, if it is really tired I usually ask others
to wash it, and I pay daily, even though sometimes Amelpun wash, it is also if the mood is good. Or something made it
thrilled.
Exists
amel's habits are irreversible, though possible
it was natural but kept me from calm for a long time. One day he never
spent four hundred thousand, just to hang out with
his friends in High School and College.
Because indeed before living in Palembang he was born and raised in Jakarta, a city that
there are no more normative boundaries of a man and a woman, the city where gendre
not an obstacle to hanging out, laughing and talking without end,
and the point is have fun.
“Yaaank, ,
your husband is just a regular employee, not a director or a stock owner
large company. So, please appreciate the results of your sweat. Not me no
I love what you do, but I don't deserve it that way.
“
“Ah you, what I do is my friends also for the sake of maintaining the degree
you in their eyes. After all, they know you're a writer, the wife of a writer
to buy food just can not afford, you want to be insulted like that same
my friends?!!!” That's the reason he gives me every time I ask him to
reduce activities outside the home that are useless.
“Honestly, I'm saturated with this kind of situation that only gets packed in the house all day
and welcome you with a smile when you come home from work, even if you have to sacrifice my mind. Excuse me...I
can't yank!”
Until finally, in order to reduce the endless quarrels and muddy
the state of the household, then I set him free to do anything with
his friends.
And so I lost my authority in the household. Again because I don't
good at playing hands and speaking rough.
Until one time, when at the end of Ramdhan, when the sound of takbir echoes to each other
in the ocean, until night dissolved in an imperfect moon
its shape. Neither did Amelp home, and I waited for him to arrive
sleeping fast, in a room that still looks tenuous.
“Yes Allah, until this hour you have not come home. Where are you, baby?”
The blanket finally washed me away in warmth and sued me in a contest,
as this ear hears the voice of takbir, and my mouth shuts the fatigue
waiting for the uncertain to get wet with a takbir echo that only I can
I look at loneliness,
” Allahu akbar...Allah Akbar...Allah Akbar...Laa
Ilaha ilallah huallahu...Allahu Akbar Wallillah Ilham.
And I don't know when Amel will be home.....