DESTINY IS NOT WRONG
I’m Falying (E-mail ) in Love
I started active again to open the incoming email and at the same time delete some messages that are only as notifications from the accounts of the network, almost 3000 messages that are not important to enter, starting from electronic message ads, and so on, until the job offer from the media portal, all I deleted and there were some messages that I deleted. When this hand traced and danced over the mouse there was one email and it made me curious to open it.
With subject “Before I Go.” The message I received a few weeks ago, as I remember it was the answer when Vega had no news. I kilk his link and he made a beautiful blog, complete with back sound from Josh Groban, ‘You Rise Me Up.”
When I fell and my soul was so fragile
When problems come and my heart is burdened
So I kept quiet and waited here in solitude
Until you come to accompany
You're driving me to the point of being able to climb mountains
You encourage me to cross the stormy sea
I'm strong when I lean on you
You encourage me to do more than I can imagine
I started browsing every story story, “ Pigeons Without Wings.” From personal matters and there is one link that he really specialises for me. As if his face accompanied me in the silence of the night, the golden voice of Josh Groban made me drift away in the atmosphere.
About a girl you consider ‘pigeon-mu’ and this is my answer when ‘diam’ becomes the choice of questions you keep raining about, about love, commitment and death. Haidar, for the first time, let me call (love ), isn't this what you want, when you miss the gentle voices greeting you with the word (love).
And earlier sorry, I could only devote all of this in an electronic message that indeed
I intentionally did not tell you directly. Because there is a time of God that I consider more
right to answer all this. One by one of your questions I'll answer, take a deep breath huh? Before proceeding with my explanation, and you have to promise? (Gakat your right hand and your index and middle fingers) as a signal that you should not cry, because I know you are tipecal
you're a crybaby, and I don't want to see you cry. The promise?!
It's good if you can smile it's better.
Darling,...
I am truly flattered when you dare to marry me, without your knowledge and let me suppress all the pain that I now feel, the tightness felt in my chest. And this is a serious disease that has not been found a cure, (Not HIV/AIDS!!) But more than that, I have Hepatitis C, and want to know
the impact? When you come into direct contact with me, through my sweat alone will you catch my illness? Did hebaatkan?!
I can survive and take care of the people I love without anyone knowing that I am harboring a deadly disease. Well, that's why I often refuse you to hold my fingers, as long as you knowuu Haidar, I reminisce and feel nervous when dealing directly with you.
I believe you will accept me completely, but my heart cannot accept that
because it is not love, this is exactly how I love you, keeping your – from being touched or touching me.
Sorry, I am not a hypocrite not having the desire to come into direct contact with you, but
just as I killed you in a way, I don't have the guts for it.
I don't want our love story to be like Romeo and Juliet, to me it's ridiculous. And I don't regret it
the pain I suffered. Although no one cares, including my father and my mother who they know about my pain, as a consequence of my past that is so hedonistic, can't escape the night world, drugs and amvetamine and anything that makes me comfortable is like I'm taking drugs
taverns. Alcohol was like a replacement drink, until I became an addict.
But thank God, I can stay out of it all. And I started to do the hijab, and
about the practices that you love for me I have also done booos!
Surat Al-Mulk that I often practice after dawn, and letter Ar-Rahman I practice every time
I feel the same kangen you, always mendo’akan hope your dream will be achieved. I was proud to have you even for a few days, until I finally chose to end it all, so that you do not demand and expect much from me.
I decided to keep a safe distance with you (Similar angkot ajaah?)
when you want to commit and make me a special guest at your primary gala, and sit on that number one bench, it seems like an exaggeration. If only you prepared a seat at number three, four or five, there was a chance I could come. For the number one is a symbol that God is worthy of you to place in that number, let him be special in the VVIP room, which is none other than your life and your heart.
It wasn't me, and it was Haidar's exaggeration, because I was self-conscious about my dark past and I was a dirty woman in my own eyes.
(May Allah forgive all my sins).
This post I found in your blog, I don't know who that girl is I never know and
don't wanna know. I am just like the girl in your writing who also has jealousy.
At the end of December, ‘There is No Snow on Christmas Eve’ when the girl with her ozone-critical hair that she let unravel, for the last time called, for the last time,’sayang’ and from his thin lips try to recall the good times that almost two years we passed even though the digit is said to be nothing, but
from him I learned to be a Humanist, looking at people not from differences in skin color, beliefs and racism.
I crossed the boundaries of the lawlessness that was considered haram, and was considered apostasy. I went through that, without the separation wall, between the rich and the poor, the descendants and the natives, we once joked at a table, he said, without looking at me I am a MUSLIM and the difference between rich and poor.
Never have I heard them impose my faith, instead they see this all in the mirror of humanity.
They didn't look at the color of my skin, eyelids, and what vehicle I was carrying. We share smiles and laughter at the same table.
Subhanallah, I have never found this out from those he said were born with
fitrah. Which leads to religious beliefs and dogma, all melted in claws, smiles and laughter at the dinner table. What are the teachings of my Messenger that they do well?! “Together Muslims are Brothers.”
Then why because of the differences of the School alone must be fought? Why is inheritance at odds? Why is our only material blinded to it all?!!! Looking at the degrees of fellow brothers from how much luxury vehicles we carry? How big the house we live in and the position and academic title alone we have these restrictions and tendrung ‘mengkotak-kaland’ until there is no more ‘Innamal mu’minunan Ikhwatun.”.
Well, from them I learned how the sense of belonging exists among other humans, including me who incidentally is no one, only a temporary companion of the oriental-faced girl whose satisfaction I know. Until we prayed together under the cross, and I prayed with confidence that I would never waver.
“Father, make way for my girlfriend Haidar, lead her in Your love.”
Allah is dear, so is the prayer that he chanted and I was engrossed in do’aku.” Rabbana Atina Fii Dunnia Hasanah, Waa Fil Akherati Hasanah Wakina Ajabannar.” Emit your guidance and mercy, O God….
For the oil of anointing that was always wet and my ears that were getting used to hearing the great songs
stroking and combing his oriental face. We are different but in the name of love and its nature he is very familiar with the word tolerance. Until finally ‘ parting words’ becomes the cover of the girl who wants to marry later would like to
the room was full of white.
“ Yank, I want tulips and lilies and white pigeons by my bridal room. Honey, the belief that will separate us, is no longer how dear and loving I am to you, and you know it. This is heavy but we should not tarnish this heart just because love that will never be one, love and my love so sincere do not need me to tell you too know.
Thank you for coming into my life, for entering into different beliefs, and for appreciating the beliefs I have, as well as the mama and papah who are comfortable with you. Again, it is faith that must choose, and I choose him who is true faith in me. Because I do not want to continue to dissolve in love stories that later we ourselves will be more tormented through it.” His eyes were puffy and glazed.
I accept what you've decided, and if it makes you comfortable. Now I have to start
getting used to taking off all those memories, no more Jingle Bells songs that I often hear on Christmas Eve, no more manya anointing that you used to rub for my safety,he said and the voices of Sunday school children who called me ‘KOKO SAMUEL.” I assume they called me by the name of ISMAIL, the son of Hajar. No more, your loyalty is waiting for me to pray Jum’at and berjama’ah in the mosque. There is no longer our joke at the dining table with his fancy dishes, which I myself miss the bribes you give. Thank you, for ‘Salju who never came down on Christmas eve.’
Unbeknownst to you, I amieni, may you have the girl with full faith in God.
Dear Haidar...
May the Tulip girl come back to you, have her and take care of her if she ever returns to your arms one day. Sorry dear, may this letter be able to represent my feelings and love that I realize this is - is it love, if not able for me to have. Let me be a virgin of heaven in the hereafter, lately I can no longer withstand tightness, stomach acid and pain in the heart. If this is my last message, please open the wide sorry door, like the clubing door that always awaits me to come.hehehehe, just enter my name in your heart, jiaaaaaaaah.
My affection for a love that never brimmed, for a love that never had.
The Pigeon Without Your Wings.
Let me close my destiny sheet like this, that the power do’a has is stronger than the do’a that I often climb for him, until answered all the do’a-do’a. Goodbye Vega, only longing makes me more and more claustrophobic, I insert your name in the letter Ar-Rahman when I feel longing for you.
Ten years ago, it was still clear in my ears when Thea wanted in her bridal room to have Tulip and Lilies and white doves, which I finally fulfilled that dream as well, dream for a girl who is now worshiping and embracing Islam, without any coercion.
“Yank, I want Tulips and Llili and white pigeons by my bridal room. Honey, the belief that will separate us, is no longer how dear and loving I am to you, and you know it. It is heavy but do not we tarnish this heart just because love that will never be one, love and my love so sincere do not need me to tell you also know.”
Now his love is mine, and I must fulfill his request. Thank God, this wedding reception became a wedding event that I never forget for the rest of my life. I invited all my co-workers, pen-mates, bureaucracies, entertainers and including Amelia, whom I heard about her husband's death, to tell me about the fetus in her womb.
There's not much I can do, just give some equipment before birth and maternity costs. That was my wife, Alphany Septhan Thea. As soon as he understood, he knew my background, there was not one bad thing I was hiding, and the girl who now chose to stay in Germany with me until her employment contract was up, we will return to Jakarta.
Before leaving the motherland, Thea and I took off the white dove in the last bed of a girl who had once stopped in my heart, and a series of Sedap Malam Flowers, we inserted in the slit of the tomb board that written beautifully his name, Vega Putri Nafisah. Goodbye duhai dove without my wings.
After the funeral, we take care of the departure of Umroh Mamah and my sisters, after they return to their homeland later, a luxurious house I have bought from the royalty of the film, surely Mamah will smile happily.
And no need anymore, my brothers shivering to withstand the cold floor because it is used to sleeping only on a mattress. My nephew's room and playground have also been prepared, so that they feel comfortable with the house that I deliberately buy for loved ones because do’ it until I become like this.
“Among Qadha and Qadr, I Choose Peace With My Own Destiny.”