DESTINY IS NOT WRONG
Bruises But Not Wounds
It turns out that 14 inch television given by a friend, useful also to drive away his fatigue
waiting, until I finally fell asleep and woke up again, but Amel had not come home yet.
The food I prepared was no longer warm. The more I argue, “yang
should have waited home that wife wasn't husband!” It is natural that I am angry in my heart like this, and it has been seen that we have lost their respective functions in the household.
I try to fill in the free time to continue the script that is still left behind and I have to finish.
May Allah open the doors of sustenance from the doors that he promised, as long as I have the strength to continue the spirit of writing, despite a thousand times rejection by the publisher, but it's all a process in every success that we want to try to achieve is definitely a package with challenges
what we will face, because ‘success is when we feel that the sweat is really salty without having to be accidentally licked.’
Right at midnight, Amelbaru came home not through the door but the window that he knew that the window was not locked because the hole was not parallel to his lock. Samar I heard and woke me up.
“New home yank?”
“According to loh?!”
“I'll be fine.”
“Makanya if the wife goes home it is opened the door do not enter through this window, rich maliiing bangeeet!!!”
Though I knew he did not say any greetings at all, by way of passing in
that window was as a reason to be angry. And even if I didn't know or didn't wake Amel home I certainly didn't know and that way he could lie if he came home before late at night.
“Yaaaank, my body on the pegel-pegel. Pijitin dooong!” The turn is willing to be spoiled
or pretend to be good.
But I must husnudzon, be kind to him. She is my wife and it is my duty to serve her.
“Full body well?” Ameld Pinta with a body that has been rolled and berahan he began to take off his clothes, I was ready with eucalyptus oil that I mixed with coconut oil, so it feels warm and soreness is gone.
Like the beginning of the first marriage, I also want to feel again how to go to the sky
blue, revealing mosquito nets and beds without blankets. And Amel refused to take me to that high place, saying he was too tired to go to heaven and into the bed without a blanket.
Not once, not twice more than that. And I understand that, maybe
he was tired and tired during the trip. But something is strange....
“This red sign what yank? You hurt?!” I saw a sign like I was stumbling or
shivering moth. But after I press, Julie doesn't groan in pain and
there were no signs of him in pain.
“Not knowing what scars! Waking up sleep is already there like that.”
I'm careless and don't want to think far about ‘mark red’ in the deepest part of Amel and I know exactly all the curves and deformities of Amel's body, Amel, it was natural that I had felt like I was going to the sky with him and uncovering a bed without a blanket. I continued to reflect his entire body. In spite of
a lot of disappointments I got, including rejection and red marks
those.
“Ah, at most a small animal if not an ordinary moth.”
I tried to cheer myself up and make sure everything was okay....
“Revealing Secrets Behind Secret”
I really can't bear the burden I can't bear and I feel like I want to
crying but shame because it is only a matter of world affairs.
Amel, the woman I married two months ago has shown reasonable signs,
starting from his mobile phone in-silance and he always hid under the pillow,
and secretly I often find him chatting via phone, either with
who, I don't want to think bad about him,” oh maybe it was the High School or college first, there could be a problem that Amel hid and did not want me to know.” This is the only entertainment I have.
Well, that little heart that became my best friend and the place I shared when logic poisoned me
with a sense of mistrust, dictated me and continued to maneuver and
this myriad of inner alibis rumbled, crashing into common sense, haunting and plaguing me with a series of questions that I too was paralyzed to be conscious in a frame of mind, the sense of moisturizing doing great acrobatic between instinct and a million justifications that can fool me, until finally like a tiger without fangs.
“Haidar, you are a priest your blessing can deliver your wife into heaven. And your wrath can plunge your wife into hell.
You need to know, his sins are your sins as well. Please choose, do you
hold on with the puddles and mud that almost drowned you, or
you decide to get out of the mud, clean yourself and return to being a true Muslim. Even if the hatred of God for your decision to make the final decision, or you let your mind continue to struggle violently, until the storm is too long to pass?!”
****
Thou art the owner of the heart, to whom I ask with all determination and
good and bad about a person's destiny.
O owner...
directions for those who feel lost when walking too
long, until finally forgetting to go home.
Yes Divine, duhai my flattery,....
My helplessness drives me away from Your Grace and compassion. Cuddle me, for all I want is to scream and shed tears in Your lap.
Yes Maulana,..
Now I face this contemptible face, and let me look at Your face in every way
temples and chants of dhikr from the mouth that often deny Your favor.
I'm really ashamed, if I just report the sad news I'm facing, forgive
I only come back to You when pain and anxiety come upon me.
I believe Your plan is more mature than my will never be
interminable. Let me give you a destiny whose mystery I never knew about in the least.
Almost every day I was harassed and made me unsettled, which husband could
I had to go through a household heresy like this, but I had to be strong and I couldn't
being a weak husband, inevitably I have to act quickly, whether marriage and commitment like what Amel made, since the beginning of marriage I can not open his cellphone.
Once I secretly stole his memory card only to find out the activity stored and whatever is in his momeri, at least I found a photo or data that should be a clue.
Slowly my fingers slipped on Amel's head, fingered under the pillow he was wearing, I noticed the look on his face if it looks like a woman who has a habit of biting the edge of the mouth, and often
advancing his lips, like a fish's mouth. If I have found signs like that, it means Amel has fallen asleep.
Pleasure.I fingered and fingers slipped between pillows and Amel's head,
be careful not to wake up.
“Loh! Where did he put his cell phone?” Apparently he was not as usual put
cell phone under the pillow, then where did Julie put it ? I had to look for him in the bag, but I didn't get it. And I keep looking, it's not hard to find such a big item,”I'm sure I found!”
Apparently the phone he hid right in the arms of a bolster pillow, slowly
I pulled Amel's feet, so as not to squeeze and wake up his sleep.
Selaaan..pelaaan.aku lift foot and pillow bolsters in his arms. And finally I can get, I just opened the cashing of his phone, this way I took because Amel's cellphone was given a password. My target is only memory cards, and nothing more.
And I managed to get his cell phone memory card, to the next day I
find some unnatural photos, start blurting, photos of guys on whatsapp and some photos that make me wonder.
Miris saw it and did not know what to talk like, if Amelt knew I stole his memory card he would be furious, it could be a binauntang garden out of his mouth. What is clear, I am no longer able to see his behavior and behavior that is increasingly becoming.
Until finally, whether possessed by demons or genies from nowhere, suddenly Amel asked me to persist in getting used to life without him. I also do not know the purpose and purpose, is this marked marriage will be over?!
Just a corn, and it hasn't lost the hena that stained my toenails and my hands,
still clearly heard the voice of the ruler saying the wedding pledge and
the shadows of his taulan were so lively that he fed us in trunks and pox. Accompanied by the voice of mak tuwo who recited a verse when from the family of the bridegroom gave a bribe to the bride :
*With bismillah I bribe
As evidence of custom
I gave one piece of advice
With husband to argue
Two pairs are very compatible
Like the King and Queen
I gave you a mouthful of rice
Infinite affection*
And so on the contrary, when the mouthful of yellow rice and chicken coke stop in
my mouth, the verse also kicked melayu said :
With bismillah I bribed
As evidence of custom
I gave one piece of advice
With the wife to be a mufakat
The fishermen are looking for fish
The buyers are waiting on the edge
From the womb of being born and raised
Been married /Depart Obligations
And there is the advice of a verse that is so imprinted and fiber with the meaning of life in the household, when our heads are sprinkled with water, said the verse was kicked :
Above the head of water
Let it be a little but meaningful
The love does not go out
From small to adult
I know the meaning of this custom, when anger fills the whole headroom
we, and the problems we face, speech can be hot but the brain has to stay cool in finding the best way out of life's problems, challenges and assumptions, when jealousy and prejudice are being faced but must be conscious to face it with a cool head. Continued with the verse that became the key to the answer :
A beautiful wife is a choice
Go sightseeing hand in hand
If ananda is angry
Take ablution and pray
And this is all I have to do to calm my heart and mind, nothing else
sholat.
What do you mean by prayer and trouble? What prayers did I initially consider only
as an obligation and almost a burden, can you overcome the problem?!
The crush and inner pressure that often this chest is roaring, this head
no longer able to bear such a great burden.
What does God want to show me?! In fact, I was not married solely
orgasm is the main orientation or priority, but I am afraid to perform the motions, the waves of which are able to hit my faith, as hard as he is
the coral will be destroyed, as strong as this faith, will be eroded also because there is SIN
IN SOLITUDE.
I chose Amel as my companion without ta’aruf, without
dating and without touching the skin though, I know him only because of
as much as I borrowed and the rest I know stories about him from those closest to him, his friends and parents.
When I made him the right choice, not without a solid foundation, it was all
I found out from Istikharah and my hajat prayers.
Only modal bismillah and Istikharah prayers plus evening prayers, not a dime
have money, but there is a way that I get, until finally in
the time of one month collected almost 25 million dollars, and by all halal means. What
this is not a sign that God opened the door of sustenance and blessed our marriage?!
Inevitably, I must realize that prayer is the hand of God for me to get all of this, only capitalized on the belief that I slip in do’a, apart from the many sins that are often in the buzz that become a barrier from a do’a there are details of sin. What then is the Asma of God, whose love is more than His wrath?His love is more than His Adzab?
Justification is God's only prerogative, not the doctrine of the monks
the ruler of the pulpit who stood with a stretch of white robes and turban and
beard whitens and lengthens.
Even wrong? Please blame and do not get it. I do not understand, if it is a sin that we often do and pray that we often do until
eventually I became reluctant to pray, only because of the sin that became a burden,
sin?!” What about the guarantee of
My own God, who gives the view that He how does His people prejudice?! This is just a picture of me as a layman, trying to take off from the shackles of it all.
Again I understand the Asma of God from a different point of view
view human, not ‘mau-nya’ Allah.
Which isn't as silly as it is
judging that sin is not part of a worship reward, there is no reward
if sins are not created.
Just like that when I began to be sure to return all things that were done from my own hands, ‘ainul sure, God will also straighten
the thread I thought was tangled, and it was easy for him.
I put this body down for a moment she's on the bed and befriended the bolster pillow, without
a wife. And Amel chose to live independently, to earn his own living and to pursue his career. Amel chose to work as a telemarketing officer of an insurance company whose salary I could still give from his monthly salary.
Let her choose to be a career woman instead of having a career to be a
wife and mother to my children. It's my fault that I can't afford to have
more income and material. And it is only natural that it becomes like this, for me it is still one of the men, though not a few women who experience the same thing, and even more sadistic than what Amel experienced, he said, but he didn't
be thankful....
Like a soldier who has been surrounded and in my stomach is waiting for the spear and sword that is ready to tear apart the entrails, I am resigned and sincere.
Just like that when I let go of whatever God wants to write in this destiny text, I am willing to do what happens, if that is His decision.
Late at midnight, when Amel positively asked me to end this marriage, after I prayed tahajud. The world is like black in my view, ijab and kabul and sighat ta’lik that I read after the marriage contract became a very heavy burden for me to deny, I begged not to leave me, I begged, although this is as low as the degree of a man, I am even more ashamed before my Lord when I fail with this responsibility.
I went out of the house to calm my mind in search of the tips in my village
at least able to give a splash of water and cool my heart and mind, like a traditional beacon, where Amel was born.
And I had to knock on the house of one of my best friends whose father I had considered my own parents. I noticed the clock on my phone's LCD display turned out to have hit the handlebars two in the morning. I have to see him, at least
the advice he gave was useful and could be my consideration.
“Paaak....Paak...Assalamu’alikum.”.
I knocked on his door, but no one answered. Inside the house looks so dark, there is a snoring sound and I make sure it is the voice of Mr. Kirmanto who has become his trademark.
“Pak...Assalamu’alikum.ini Haidar!”.
It was like someone woke up and opened the door. It comes with a whisker that is already whitened and only wears a sarong. But this time there is nothing like usual, all over the body of this Tribrata pensioner looks full of
temple koyo.
“The father is not feeling well Dar, jolly!”
“Yeah father...I want to confide! My wife is asking for divorce..”
“You how else? Tomorrow morning just come here again.”.
“Yaudah sir, sorry to interrupt the break. Assalamu’alikum.”
“Wa’alikum Salam,” He went back into the house.
I don't know where else I walk, tears fall. Satisfied with the condition of the father who can no longer talk.
Dad, I can't take all this. I'm afraid God hates me, I need
daddy's shoulder. But I don't want you to be burdened with the problems I'm having
face it because I know my own father is helpless with a disease that gnaws at his body.
If only Dad could talk, maybe I shouldn't be like this.”
There is another one that I also consider as my parents, he is Achmad Syafe’i innocent and kind man, even though his war is very similar to Bang Benjamin Suaeb.
Just like Mr. Kirmanto, Mr. RW was, again not feeling well and went straight home. Usually he arrived in the morning at the RW post, even though just watching television and playing chess.
“Yaaah tooong, Baba loh no longer feeling well. Bu Rw has been calling continuously, taaaau tuuh grandmothers can not really live cave. Tomorrow, will ya? All loh maen
maen in POS RW.”
“Iya sir. Yaudah father rest aja..”
Along the road was so quiet and only the claws of the rat was so reckless
and no longer afraid of the same humans, either studied silat where to the extent
passing in front of me without excuse.
Or maybe he graduates of the war campaign in the Middle East, which is only afraid of nuclear.
Soon enter in a third of the night, probably on top of the best cool place vent. Feeling stuck and no longer knowing who to talk to.
I went back to the contract, the expanse of peace was already stretched and indeed this place
I used to whisper to God in do’a and dreams that have not materialized, despite the wounds that I often tell, honestly I am ashamed of all this, when I face my face and raise my hand just to ask for mercy, to offer me complaints and grievances. When can I share the happiness I have?
Or maybe God likes the prayer that I often say to Him, like when I hear buskers in the City Bus, the sound and lyrics of songs
brought so melodious, if only not infinite time, maybe
I'm gonna hold off on giving her the money, just because I want to hear
his voice is longer.
Maybe that's what God meant or roughly, “Haidaaaar! If I give you everything you ask for, you may stop complaining to me! And I love the way you ask and pray to me.”
I once got a prayer book that I thought meant so good and so
humbling before God, despite the debate between sects, I do not like the discord, again heresy and mislead only the right of God to make such a provision, our duty as human beings is to carry out only what has become common good, not just the differences that are often sharpened.
Even if it comes out of the chicken in the form of eggs,
if it is useful, take it.
Oh God, I beg of you
By the plea of the one who submits and surrenders the despicable and the lowly, when
difficulty conveying his wishes to you
Give me Your tenderness, have mercy on me,
And make me satisfied with Your gift,
And also satisfied with all the circumstances that happened to me
No reason for me
to reject the provisions that You have set for me,
The law and
the test that hit me.
I'm coming now
face You,
Yes divine with all my shortcomings,
With all my iniquities (my transgressions),
While conveying my confession and regret
With a broken heart.
Begging for mercy and
surrender humbly to acknowledge all my defilements.
Because of all my defects, I have nowhere to escape and nowhere to go
take refuge to give up my business
Other than Your will to accept my confession
And put me into the breadth of Your love
O Allah, accept my confession, have mercy on the weight of my troubles
And release me from the strength of my shackles
If it can be equated when we listen to songs that fit the mood, then,
surely we will assume,”his song I really!”
So too when I found this do’a book that I myself was interested in
meaning. And from then on I tried to practice it, every time I met
life's problems that I don't find the answer to, and all I leave in this do’a.
Not only that, when my situation slumped like this, suddenly it was good
Sasongko, my old friend told me to attend the opening of Ratib Alhaddad, the usual ceremony where he taught, this ratib.
I fell in love with these two rituals. First, I like to read
do’a Kumayl and long for the voice of Hadrah that accompanies the reading of Ratib.
Rempak Hadrah filled every heartbeat, Lafdzul Jalalalah whizzed in
every blood flow, the atmosphere of the room changed and changed so solemnly. The sound of the ustadz reciting Ratib was so powerful that it led me to the spiritual realm so high. Truly, I was swept away in an atmosphere of euphoria, as the angels danced, flattered and saluted over Mu the possessor of fragile souls.
Now I am able to face all the problems of my life sincerely and able to return to the true nature of love that has been lulled in sheer nisbi.
In this Council, I found a light for me to get up and go back home, when I had gone too far and almost lost.
Welcome morning, welcome new soul.” This is all I can say
and quite a cool dewy atmosphere that I'm sure will now not be lost inedible
the sun, because the drops are enough to wet the thirst, the inner thirst
it is only lost when the entire recesses within this self flow His great asthma.
Allahu Sunday, when His oneness had entered and melted into unity in the rububbiyah at that time he willed with all things, made all things manifest, all things became different, all things became different, everything becomes manifest, its colors, light, dark, fuzzy, vague, and invisible, because of God
to make things real, God is real and
verily, it is more evident than all things, how all things touch Allah, whereas all things are He who makes Real and Allah is Great of all things (everything referred to here is Other than
from Allah SWT), everything is smaller than Him, how is it possible
the Little One walls the Great One, if only the Great One could
to be scorned or walled by something is not He Most Great.
And so I began to realize by the right of God, He who
create, and be entitled, by the power that He has and that God also governs whatever good and bad we receive.
Do not expect, the parking lot feels to have a luxury vehicle parked on the ground that is not his.
It was like that when I would be a slave to my own feelings, when I was too much to have Amel, who was on
the fact is not merely a right to the personal self, but all this has been summarized into one in the mystery of life, about the wisdom that we never know, what is behind all this? And have a good opinion of Allah, then good is the end.
Until I finally relied on it, I handed over today's provisions to Him, wet orally
it is with one prayer when I am ready to wait for the morning, to wait for the change of souls
new :
Bismikallahumma nad....
Ghuduwi wa rouwa...
Minna kullu hamdin...
Masaain wa shobah..
Hablana minka...
Wahdina subulas...
Unna takwallahi nuurun's'
thoriiqun lil falah...
In Your name, O God, we ask in the morning and evening...
To you all praise in the morning and evening...
Grant us from Your side the guidance...
Show us the way of goodness...
Verily, the Piety to Allah is the Light and the Path to Success...
And believe me, there are hands of God that will help us resolve
all things, about sustenance, soul mate and death.
God will open the veil
the secret, of every dzoliman that exists, even though the dagger is hidden in the
behind the silk cloth, God will reveal it all.
Let the time speak, though,....