KARMAS
Realizing your presence

Mom called in tears and told me Bright didn't come home last night, take the suitcase away from home.

"Mother just said, please if her male friend plays at home in a polite dress. Time comes to the house girls wear shorts. mending shorts below the knee, these wear shorts above the knee. It's the same as not appreciating Bright. I don't want my granddaughter to be unappreciated like that." Expose the mother with a heavy voice restraining emotions. "Keep if you go home also at night, we will live in the village, so take care, do not be a talk... You just said that what's wrong?"

"Yes, I am calm. Most Bright nginep at Tania kok's house" I said calmly. Inwardly surprised also never thought Bright would be like that. Bright's not a bad boy. All this time he had never troubled the old man. Just a moment she lived with her grandmother, she already dared to leave the house?

I called the kid too.

Sure enough he's at Tania's. I said that what you said was all for his good. "Although considered angry, it is better to be scolded than scolded by others, is it not good to be reprimanded with others?" I said

"It's better to scold someone else, mama. We can get angry back!" Sela Bright fast. "Bright doesn't want to go home if mom doesn't come home!" Excited again.

I was amazed to hear the word he said.

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Throughout the history of my life as a child, there has never been in the dictionary against parents. So is my sister. Everything according. Maybe because of fear too, because the Father is also fierce. While the mother, very soft heart, the mother easily cries when there are things that are not in accordance with her wishes. So not just fear but keep the feeling as well.

All my life from childhood to adulthood, I harbored my resentment, harboring my anger for keeping my mother feeling.

I can't vent my anger as Bright vents his dislike by leaving home. It turned out to be the answer to my anxiety all along.

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I often ask, O Lord, she said good women are good for good men and vice versa. You must not doubt my parents' commitment to educate their children to be good people. Why is the result inverted?

I am diligent in learning, active in work, always carry out all religious orders, never do anything that violates the norm. Why did I get a husband who made my life suffer?

After thinking for many years I asked but found no answer, other than the belief that life is a test, and all I have to do is pray and be patient because everything will be beautiful in time, he said, finally God let me find the red thread through Bright.

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The answer is buried deep in my soul. I harbored all my anger, my resentment towards my parents from childhood to adulthood. I just protested in my heart, I couldn't get angry back. And it turns out this makes me like eating simalakama fruit. Because even though the goal was good, keeping the feelings of the parents, I still accepted the punishment. I kept it all I thought it was my form of bhakti to the parents but it turned out that it still made me accept punishment as an ungodly child.

So here's Karma. This is what sin feels like.

I thought that karma was the punishment of an extraordinary crime, as Malin Kundang did to his mother, driving him out of the house and unwilling to admit it. I also thought that karma is a bad thing that our ancestors did which consequently poured into his great-grandchildren. I received punishment for the sins of my ancestors that we never knew existed. Apparently not. It doesn't have to be that bad the concept.

Even for trivial things as small as the matter of eating has been able to bring me down as an ungodly child who then I received the punishment, does not require a long time, in the world.

"Mom's been trying, been cape cape preparing food, the cooking is whole nobody's eating." Mother's complaint with a vibrating sound at lunch hour. I heard it when I was not fully awake. PLEASE DON'T TRY! WHO ASKS FOR FOOD? WHO WAS CAPE'S MOTHER WRONG? WE ARE GEDHE. HUNGRY WILL EAT. I fast only, no need cape cape serve us.

I woke up from my sleep to the dining table with such aggravation.

There is no story for the food left. Mom will be sad, amazing. Could shed tears. In this case me and my sister must be smart to work around it. If you throw away the rest of the food fitting mother no longer exists. Or put in the lowest part of the garbage can, covered with other garbage. So if the time is near mealtime, children do not dare to snack outside. Or if the snack, we make sure in the stomach there is space to eat at home.

After I finished eating, I cleaned up the dirty dishes and brought them to the kitchen. "Had nduk, just there should not be washed later so that the mother is pure."

I'm speechless. I feel like dropping a pile of dirty dishes in my hand. Along with the mother's voice, it was like a long iron chain coming out of my mother's mouth, clipping my steps, my soul shackling all my movements. I became rigid.

Soon I heard my mother's voice giving advice when my sister called. I know everything a good mother does, all for the good of her child. But does cape not keep on sounding? Every movement activity that never escaped the attention of the mother, the mother as a jury for the life of her children. And all of that came from the fear within him. Don't be like this don't be like that, don't be like this don't be like that, before, during and after, On land in the sea in the air you never get tired of giving advice, motivation and the word pearl. Yes, it is a form of responsibility and affection of parents to their children. But can you SHUT UP?. Every time my mother makes a sound it feels like the demon in my soul is screaming, CAN YOU SHUT UP??? I just want Mum to SHUT UP!!! That if the good demon speaks.if his brother demon works, the whole zoo will come out all.

But only in the heart. Because I know, even for just Huh alja is a sin.

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Anger is a form of energy. The energy of anger is buried in my soul. And I just found out this is how LOA works.

It is not the fault of the stars in my life. I am the one who made it a part of my life.

Because what happens in reality is a project of what is in the soul.

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Divorce is something God does not like. But God has also given an answer, if bad things happen to you it is because of yourself. One thing is for sure, God wants me to be happy. I came to my senses and decided, With God's permission, I chose separation.

I let the suffering, the confusion and the source go from my life. Enough of his sadness. I have to end the suffering, Pity the character who became 'I' or a girl named Luna or whatever her name, if you have to linger long grieving. No more bad reasons, no more excuses for the sake of the child, no more excuses for what the neighbor said. Now is the time to be happy. Now I am a little God for my own story.

I forgive the Star for maybe she is just a scapegoat the universe sent to fulfill my subconscious commands.

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"Leave it, Nduk, no need to wash it, let me wash it later..."

I was stunned to see mom leaving the dining table carrying the dirty dishes while saying so.

Apparently, she was so programmed with her words that when she was doing the dishes herself, she unconsciously said the same things she said to me when I was about to do the dishes.

I accompanied mom to chat in the dishwasher. Mother rinsed the dirty dishes after soaking the dishes with used water that was accommodated in a basin. After the mother threw the water in the basin, the new mother turned on the tap to rinse the dishes one last time, and the mother put the empty basin under the tap to hold the water from the last rinse plate. Water from the last rinse is used to wash the next dish.

Mom's regularity sometimes makes me impatient.

"When Mom was a child, we had to draw water from a well that was tens of meters deep, so deep that only a small circle appeared on the surface of the well. And the bucket was so heavy, we had to draw it manually over and over again every time we washed the dishes, the clothes, and the bath, so I really appreciated every drop of water that was left over."

My eyes immediately glazed over.

I forgot my mom had her own story. The stories in her life that shaped her into such a mother. She did not want her children to experience difficulties like her, in the way she tried hard so that her child easy life. He wanted the trouble to stop in him and not to pass it down to his children. That's what he thinks is best for his son.

Now, I more easily understand and forgive my mother and myself, by breaking down the problem into 3 subjects.

1. My mother\, as a parent who gave birth to me\, had an obligation as a child to respect and love him. Unarguably.

2. Advice\, advice both from his life experience and quoted from mr. ustad\, said motivation2\, which came out of the mouth of the mother\, nothing wrong\, all true.

3. Mom's voice. This is where the culprit. Energy vibrating from the mother's voice that makes life fall apart\, even though it is filled with words of pearl and obedience in carrying out religious orders. The energy that came out with my mother's voice was like a long iron chain in my appearance that sealed my life.  Advice2 sourced from fear fear\, fear of judgment person\, fear is not considered good by person\, fear will distress person\, fear of unpleasant to person\, fear of unpleasant to person\, fear that his son2 life is difficult like him. In addition is grievance\, the mother complains because anak2 prayers are not on time\, because told to eat ogah ogahan\, because the time to eat does not want to eat\, because the time to eat\, and everything that did not fit the thought he complained\, all day long all the time. I felt it was a struggle for truth. Not to be tired he gave advice to his son.

What he did not realize was that his son had been poisoned by the vibration of his voice, by the energy he had generated. The sound was pushy yet restrained and sounded extremely exhausting.  His children can not argue but just keep it, stored piled up piled up can not be explained. Do not dare to disobey parents because everything said is true. The pent-up energy of anger attracts the right person so that his anger can be vented. Not only did I get a life partner who drained all of his energy, almost all of my younger siblings had similar challenges.

When the disease has been found the reason will be easier to treat it. When the hidden source of suffering was found to be his origin, he became easier to conquer. Like a thief who is caught red-handed, it is up to us to treat him. Whether we are willing to let ourselves lose and continue to be victims, or take control, free ourselves from suffering and create our own happiness.

Now I know all I want. There's nothing I can do but accept it. I accept everything and I don't fight it. There is nothing wrong or right. Just a cause. All are the inevitable risks of life. Each has a story of the past.

I forgive my mother, forgive myself and the past...

I forgive my past because it belongs to the past, I won't hold him back.

I let it go...

Only a happy person can transmit their happiness to others.

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