Metallmorphosis
CHAPTER 37. The Lies People Often Tell.

The orange sunlight began to rise slowly over the horizon. His golden light struck right on Zinnia's face that was daydreaming about something. It was a warmth that washed his entire face.

“Thinking what, anyway?” Ren asked who had been watching Zinnia since.

“Many..” Lirih.

“One of them?”

“Kek Ren's. Hehehehehhehe.”

Ren frowned. He could not at all interpret Zinnia's current expression. His lips were smiling, but why did his gaze say the opposite?

“Why? What's the same with me?”

“Kak Ren is very good with me. I'm grateful to know Brother.”

“You again have a problem?” Search Ren.

“Problems? I think I have problems every day.. Hehehe.”

The tone of Zinnia's voice increasingly indicated that he was sad.

“Kak Ren must be very happy ya have a good relationship with the family Sister. Says Aunt, Brother Ren is very familiar with Ranu. Bener?”

Ren nodded. “Color he's my only brother. If I'm not good with him, who will be good with me later. Why are you doing that?”

“I envy, Brother.” Honest Zinnia.

“Iri how?”

“Kak Ren already know that my relationship with Navya is not good? But it's not just Navya my relationship is bad. But same Papa and same Mama too.”

Ren frowned in wonder. He knew that Zinnia was opening up to him. And he was ready to listen to whatever the girl told him.

Zinnia hadn't even started the story yet, but tears were already curled up in his eyes. The dam is ready to spill with just a small shock.

“Kak?”

“Hem?”

“According to Brother Ren, how am I?” Ask Zinnia again. He wanted to know how Ren looked at him. “Honestly, yes. Watch out for lies.” Threaten Zinnia later.

“You? The funniest girl I've ever met. You are funny and make people laugh often. You are what you are and not jaim in front of me.”

“What does Brother Ren like most about me?”

“I like to see you laugh the most.”

Zinnia turned to Ren who was still faithful looking at the orange.

“What did Brother Ren see from my laughter?”

The question this time, made Ren immediately turn to Zinnia who was also looking at him. When their eyes met, then Ren really realized that there was a gaping wound very wide.

“Your color looks beautiful when laughing.” Said Ren who was looking forward.

“Hemph..” Zinnia smiled pias.

“But if you look again, your laughter is just a cover for your wounds.”

Zinnia turned back to Ren. He frowned wonder why Ren could guess the contents of his heart as accurate as that?

The dam has increased its water flow. A little more, just a little more and the dam will spill over his cheek.

Zinnia threw his face in the opposite direction. Trying to force re-enter the tears that have been crammed. He did not want to be seen crying in front of Ren. He was ashamed to show his weakest side to Ren.

The dam, which had been held to death, had been destroyed uncontrollably. Now the perfect tears melt on both cheeks of Zinnia. Makes him sob with restraint.

Ren really put himself as a tree. At least he didn't bother the girl who was so excited. Ren is offering a comfort to Zinnia telling a story.

“I, did not want when the last time Mama hugged me. I've forgotten the last time Papa said love to me. All they have in their eyes is Navya. They all see me as a burden. It doesn't matter if I'm sick, hurt, wretched, even if I drop out of school they don't care at all.” Zinnia begins to open a large wall in his heart and accepts Ren's offer.

“At first I doubted that I was Papa's son with Mama. So I did a DNA test. And result.... So hurtful. I might be aware that I am a collection boy. I accept being treated wherever they are if I am not their real child. But the fact that I'm their real son is, and they treat me like shit.

I'm hated just because I almost made Mama die after my crush. What is my fault? I didn't ask to be born. Is it my fault that Mama almost died because of me?

Brother Ren must have never fancied in slap, kick, let alone arrived at maki many times the same om and aunt.

The former slap was only a short time, but the pain was a lifetime. Pain that I don't know when I'll be healed.

People who don't know me, they think I live happily and always rebel. But they don't know that I live like this, just so I can protect my own heart. I don't want my heart to break every day.”

Zinnia told me long. He knew he was wrong because he had opened the disgrace of his own family to others. He was justifying his reason for not feeling guilty for telling Ren about his family. Things he shouldn't have done.

Because no matter how bad they are, they are still his family.

The pain in Zinnia's heart was petrified. I don't know if he can break the stone later. But for now, he would just let the stone remain hardened in its place to protect its core. Because that way, he'll still be fine.

There were times when Zinnia wanted to run away from it. I want to run away from home and never come back. But he didn't have the courage to do it. No matter what, he was dependent on his family. After all, Zinnia had no goal that he could aim for as his escape.

Zinnia's sobs were getting louder. His back was getting tighter. Makes Ren not have the heart to see it.

“You all right?” Lirih Ren in the end. He could not hear Zinnia's sobs that sounded so bitter.

“I'm fine aja.” Zinnia answered while wiping away the tears that would not even stop flowing.

Ren sounded out a soft breath. Then he went back to letting Zinnia dwell on his grief.

“Long.” Said Ren slowly. “If it's not good, say not good. What's the point of lying?”

Yes, Zinnia knows. If he was lying to himself behind the sentence ‘I'm fine’. It is even he who knows the meaning of the sentence itself.

‘I'm fine’. It is the kind of silence most people use to cover their wounds. Hope the sentence will give a miracle and make things better.

But no, that word is just a lie. That sentence, makes us suppress our own pain which will eventually cause deepening wounds. Wounds that accumulate and eventually explode uncontrollably.

SERIATE...

*****

From PiEl:

Hey you guys! Don't lie and say you're okay. There is no need to lie to yourself with that useless phrase. If it hurts, say it hurts. If you are tired, say tired. If you are unable, say you are unable. Because saying that doesn't mean you're weak.

That way, you can choose to go forward, retreat, or even give up to find another way.

There is no need to make yourself look strong. If you force yourself, it will only make you sicker.

Remember, there is nothing more important than yourself. Once you find a way and make peace with yourself, smile. So that your children, your husband, your wife, your parents, and your family, can see that you need their help to just live happiness with ‘normal’.

So, don't be afraid to say, “I'm not okay.”

Lup yuuu ya citizens..

Warm regards from PiEl.~~~~

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