Papa To Oleander
25. In the Middle

Ola

The teenage boy was just a whimper.

"How come, Ngga? You're eighteen years old, you know! You never kissed, did you? Don't snitch, deh. Even if I did, I wouldn't be angry. That was, right, before there was me. I don't care." I put my shoulders down.

He cupped my face once again. His eyes looked at my eyes in turn before locking onto the view. "Listen to me, yeah, honey. I could be an eighteen-year-old guy and never kiss anyone before you. You think I can do it while the only thing in my mind and heart is you, huh? Notwithstanding. Cannot. I'm sure I won't be able to. That's why I'm never tired of trying.

"I don't want to play other people like that. I also don't want to throw away what should be yours as someone who isn't important to me. I'm serious about what I told you earlier, honey. I love you before I know what love is. And I mean it with all of me, every inch of my being."

His confession really stupefied me. "Yeah?" The only word I can think of. And it went out of my lips in a raucous voice.

"Yes, Honey. You can trust me."

"Can I trust you?" I repeat the sentence again.

Angga nodded steadily.

Then, after that we really do dive into each other.

And one thing leads to another. And the other one. And the other one.

And the other one.

And ... the other.

****

Goslings

"If I can be honest, I'm afraid, honey. I fear. I'm afraid that what I'm about to say is not enough to explain what happened. I'm afraid that my explanation isn't enough to get you back. I'm afraid that you really don't want to be with me anymore. I'm afraid of losing you forever, baby. I fear. I'm so scared. Please, understand me. Please, honey, please."

I keep begging the woman in my arms. I kept elus hair. I hope, after all that happened today, I can still hug Olavia in the days to come.

I really hope that my hope all this time does not have to run aground and break with the frame.

I felt him take a deep breath. Olavia then looked up. I was met with a face with an expression that was so heart-piercing. Not only because his cheeks were flooded by his hard-hearted melt, but also because of the wounds implied there.

Fxck.

Oh, my fxcking God!

Lo moron, Angga. Is this what you say love? Is this what you said, baby? Basic berxngsek! You see that pain over there, huh? Do you hear that full of tears? Who do you think is the cause? Who, Dumbass? Wh who?

Elo!

"I did it all because I love you."

Instantly the sobbing stopped. Really stop. It was like someone had pressed the off button which made his sobs and cries just finished. "You did it because you love me? Huh yeah?" he asked in a few breaths later.

I'm nodding. "Yes, Honey. Trust me the same. I–"

"Believe in you, you say?" He cut my sentence while trying to push my body away from him again.

A futile attempt. I'll never stay away from him again.

"I believe in you and see what you do with my heart! I HAVE FULLY TRUSTED MY SOUL AND BODY TO BE WITH YOU, PRIDE, BUT YOU ARE LEAVING! IT DISAPPEARED SO THAT IT WAS SWALLOWED BY THE EARTH!"

"You know I have to go to Cambridge."

"I'LL TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE LEAVING WITH BANG OLI. BUT, WHAT'S THE TRUTH, HA? YOU LEFT FIRST. TWO WEEKS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE YOU AGREED. FROM THE SCHEDULE YOU TOLD ME.

"YOU CAN'T WAIT TO RUN FROM ME ANYMORE, RIGHT? AFTER YOU GET WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE. THE FIRST EXPERIENCE OF A FOOLISH GIRL YOU CAN EASILY TRICK."

His shoulders were rapidly up and down because of his hunting breath. Memories are raging inside my adored woman, making her emotions also mixed and violent. They want to get out of there. They wanted to be free from the place where Olavia for about eleven years kept him close by.

I let the taste vomit from his lips, and his eyes, and his chest.

Olavia let out a long sigh, then his shoulders rolled up, like a pa who had made his body upright since it had just disappeared along with the carbon dioxide he had emitted. Like he was about to roll himself into smaller ones in order to hide from the dominating senses. Like he's been very.

Justright. When he started to speak again, there was no high tone like that. There are only soft words, heavy by sad.

Fxcking hell Angga's. You do all this the same to him.

"I said I love you the same as you that night. For the first time, I said those three sacred words to another person, one who is not a member of my family. And even you said that to me. Aye, right? I don't remember wrong, do I? But, a few hours after you said that you also love me, you. Poof! You leave me cuddling with sheets that are still bleeding. Damn, Ngga. You really have the heart. I bleed for real and figuratively. That night really was the most horror night of my life."

However, a moment later, he chuckled wryly. "but, no. Turns out I was wrong. It wasn't the worst night of my life. The most horror was a month later. When I realized that the last time I came to the moon was about two months before that. Can you imagine, right? At the age of only sixteen, I had already suffered the most devastating heartbreak and faced pregnancy scare alone."

Olavia nodded small. "I'm grateful it's just pregnancy scare. The result of the stress I suffered. I don't want to eat, I don't want anything, I cry, like crazy. And you know what? Thank God Mama and Papa only suspect that attitude was caused by the move Bang Oli. A small part of it is because of that. But .... I don't know."

There are wet cheeks with the use of clothes. Our beads met a glimpse before the love of my life turned its gaze again on something behind me. "I just want to love and be loved sincerely. I just want to have the love and kayak partner that my parents have. The one Raisa and Mas Johan had. But, why does it feel so hard, anyway? I don't know what to do anymore. Because, whatever I do, I think it's never enough."

Oh, no fxck. He can't think like that. That's a totally untrue thought. "No! That's not true, honey. You–"

Again he cut my conversation. "Mama hope Mama's enough for you, yeah, honey. Mama will try her hardest to be enough for you" she said, holding her belly that had begun to grow.

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