Protective Physician
Regrets Always Come Later

"Thank you doc." I said. Hunching a little as an honor.

"For what?" ask the man.

"It stopped me from committing suicide and motivated me. Now my mind is open and I won't do that stupid thing again." I promised him.

"Hm," he looks indifferent.

"But by the way, this luxurious hospital why not provide a place to rest for its employees? Usually in other hospitals there are special rooms for doctors and nurses. I'm the laborer who just had a rest area in the barn."

"Who said we don't have one?"

"Then why are you sleeping here? Like there's no place."

The man was silent. Look at the cold. That look made me speechless.

"Eh, I'll say goodbye first. Thanks again doc!" I hurriedly came out of the rooftop after waving at the young doctor who I thought was very handsome. "Doctor S Pratama. I owe you." I said.

***

My footsteps came to a halt in front of the second-floor boarding house when someone called. Ms. Yana, she is the landlord's mother. The middle-aged woman reminded about the cost that had been waiting three months. I'm actually very lucky to be able to stay here despite having waited three months. Ms. Yana was never angry either, she reminded in a polite and very patient manner. Even though I was always waiting, he was still good to me.

"I'm sorry Ris, but I'm telling you, just take this advice from a mother to her daughter. You are working, your income should be enjoyed by yourself because you have no other dependents besides yourself. Don't give it to a boyfriend continuously until you're short." Advice from Bu Yana when I said I still do not have the money because Fian has not paid his debts. I had promised before.

At the beginning of the month on payday, the plan I will pay the delinquent cost because by chance my overtime has gone down. But Fian borrowed it because at home there was no money to hold. Her mother hasn't worked for two weeks because she's been sick. Mas Fian also gave the wind of heaven, hoping that with a loan of funds from me his mother's heart would be broken and bless our relationship.

Bu Upi, her birth mother Mas Fian did not approve of our relationship because I was not a college child. I'm just a high school graduate. While his son, Mas Fian was a student. Now it has entered its seventh year and if not graduated also this year so he will be in DO.

I at that time really hoped that blessing would finally give all the salary and overtime. Only five hundred thousand left for the meal money. But now our relationship is broken. Let alone the blessing of his parents, his son also now does not want me.

"Yes, ma'am, no more. We broke up." I said in a soft voice.

"Oh, sorry Ris. Don't be sad anymore. You are beautiful, in fact. It is easy to get a replacement. Inshallah. The important thing is to be a good boy. Would you like to introduce someone who God willing is better than the parasitic young man?" Said Bu Yana who did give the nickname Mas Fian parasitic youth because he always ride like a parasite that sucks its host is me.

"No need to bother Mom, I want to take care first." I said, who knows where Bu Yana's talking is going.

Since the beginning of the crush here, Ms. Yana blatantly expressed her admiration for me. I don't know from what part he can like me to always babble to want to match his son, mas Anas, who is currently just graduating from college with me. It was also what made Bu Yana always be kind and tolerate if I was late to pay the boarding money. Bu Yana also always jutek if the Fian datsng mas mengapel to kosan. There are insinuations that he makes. Mas Fian actually felt uncomfortable but I did not want to move because I was not sure I could get a boarding house as good as Bu Yana.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I'll let you in first." I said. "InshaAllah tomorrow I go to the factory to ngajuin kasbon in order to pay off the delinquent kosan." I said.

"No need to pay off anywhere else. Rissa is the same as the parasite. Or if you need help let me help you. I am also very worried about that child. How's it?" Tawar Bu Yana's.

"Yes Mom, if it's okay, I'll bill it myself." I said.

Not wanting to talk at length which led to Ghibahin mas Fian, I went to the room. Go up to the second floor, towards the last room. My room's. The room is not too big but quite comfortable because for two years I lived here.

Get in the room, I close the door without a key. I placed the bag carelessly, then sat on a thin mattress with Tari, my best friend who lives in the next room.

Why is my fate so tragic. I can't stand to not cry anymore. I lamented the test God gave me. A lifetime should always be alone. Without anyone who can accompany me. If it is healthy maybe I can still toughen up, but if it hurts later how?

Last night I read an article about cancer. How is the pain, its consequences as well as the treatment. It costs a lot. If not treated, the cancer cells will spread very quickly. Then how is this? Do I have to give up, feel the pain until finally the angel of death takes my life? But what can temporarily withstand stomach pain alone sometimes I can not make it so that before menstruation is always permission because it cannot.

What about my living expenses if I get sick? Who will take my food? Do I still have the right to stay here even if I get sick later, obviously will not be able to pay the cost. My crying's getting worse - so, don't know what else to do.

"God ... What does all this mean? Why does it feel so complicated? Right now I have no one. Then what should I do? Does it accept the fate of staying here until nothing? O Allah .. Is that not part of suicide?" I went back to crying, wailing while lying down unable to imagine how miserable my life would be. I will live under the mercy of others. If no one feels sorry, then it's all over. Being an outcast human might even be living on the streets like a vagabond that is often seen on the outskirts of the Capital. Oh Allah ....