The Incomplete Love
The Mardi story

If I could turn back the clock, that night I didn't drink coffee, who was on the table. It was a thick drink that made my body flutter and within minutes I forgot what I was doing.

What was clear the next day, I woke up naked hugging Eliza who was also just as innocent. In a 3x2m room I betrayed a sacred promise to my woman, Mariam.

Eliza recorded everything we did, making me sick of myself. If suicide is lawful, then I did it. There is no point in a depraved creature like me living in this world.

I began to be reluctant to be at home, unable to bear the shame of looking into Mariam's beautiful eyes. Clear netra that reflects the pain of uterine cancer but always radiates love as soon as I see it. The love I have thrown away.

I can't explain what made me do the curse that night, which was clear a month later, Eliza declared herself pregnant. The family and some of the residents' administrators forced me to marry her.

From that day on, my family, my life.

I sat down in front of Mariam. In the room that has been a witness of our love, I beg my woman for forgiveness.

Mariam, Mariam My love.

I knew my woman was ruined, but she rubbed my hair gently.

“I forgive you, Mas. Marry me, I'm sincere.”

“Mariam, I want you to beat up, you spit, you throw in the street. I'm not worthy, not at all worthy of your apology,” isakku. Mariam speaks a thousand languages.

That night I kept crying in my woman's lap. Lamenting the stupidity that happened only overnight. My woman kept stroking my hair, sometimes I looked at her shady eyes and my heart was as if it had hurt the woman who was always firm and sincere standing beside me.

When Aisya and Dicky came, there was no doubt a look of respect for me as his father. Dicky looked at me with disdain. Aisya no longer cared for me. They built a fortress to protect my women.

I'm sincere. I no longer deserve respect.

On the anniversary, Mariam still pinned jasmine in the white coat I used to wear when I married her. His lips smiled, but his heart was broken.

I say with half my life. Moreover, I saw Mariam wiping the tears that escaped to her cheeks.

Eliza is now my second wife. He tried to hurt Mariam by showing affection between me and her.

O Eliza, know there is no love for you. I chose to keep Eliza away from Mariam. He could only calm down if I touched him. But I couldn't. Let me accuse the world of the Hereafter of not giving her an inner living. I chose to give him the materials he wanted from the beginning.

Yeah, Eliza can't possibly want me. He was only twenty-one years old, while I was already over forty. I am not a handsome man, my face is ordinary. If my children are beautiful, it's because of Mariam. That woman is the most beautiful woman in my world.

Ever since that damn night, I've never touched Eliza again. Not once. Several times he came flirting, yet this body and heart were unmoved.

I only accompanied her when her pregnancy was troubled, as my responsibility. What's more, the DNA results show the child in her stomach came from my seed.

Mariam lasted eight months. I wasn't even there when she left because Eliza was acting again. He asked to eat sate buntel in Solo City. Far from where we live.

My kids go back and forth and beg me to come home. Before late. And I'm late. My woman has gone forever.

I am grateful to have seen Mariam's body. His face was shining, his lips were smiling, he was not dead. My woman only sleeps because there is no more pain, no more suffering, no more betrayal. Mariam was playing in the garden of heaven.

Eliza did it again because she did not want to be near the mayit. He said it's not good for the fetus. That night he went home to his brother. Let this be the last time my family is together.

Mariam's funeral went well. Dicky and I took the body down. The last time I saw that pretty face was before the red earth separated his world and mine.

“Goodbye, Sweetie. Be an angel of heaven even if not for me.”

I intend to be with my children. Eliza separated us. Bleeding said. Reluctantly I went to the village my second wife left the grieving children.

I make sure nothing serious, I rush home to find Aisya and Dicky are no longer there. A letter they wrote expressed disappointment to me. The two moved to Semarang and hoped not to see me again.

My late wife sold a cloth shop and gave Aisya and Dicky a sale. Mariam, how could I not have thought of it all. In this mind I expect everything to be as it used to be.

I secretly followed Aisya and Dicky. They become outstanding students. Aisya gets an invitation path to the faculty of dentistry.

I once offered to cover the cost of college. Aisya refused and without much words went away. I looked at my daughter's back. His face was more and more similar to Mariam's.

A few years later, Dicky graduated High School and was admitted to medical school. I approached her. It's so exciting to embrace my son, to say how proud I am as a father.

Cold gazing. I haven't had time to call, Dicky's been running off his bike. I looked for him that day at his college. Just once, just once I want to say the word “Congratulations, son. Mr. proud.”

I didn't find that handsome young man of my pride.

“Your father will always pray for your happiness, Son,” I said in despair.

My kids are fighting desperately to pay for college and their lives. Miris. Every time I send money, it doesn't take long for it to be transferred back. They were really disappointed and no longer wanted to be in touch with me.

I stopped sending money but still kept an eye on them from afar.

Including when Aisya met a young man named Ibrahim. My fatherly instinct says there's something wrong with this man. Don't know what.

A few months later, I was diagnosed with kidney disease. Eliza used to go berserk because I needed a big fee for routine blood washing. He forced me to divert all assets into his name.

At the same time, Aisya and Dicky came, asking me to be the marriage guardian for Aisyah. I tried to say that Ibrahim was not the right man, but my two children ignored him. To ease my pain, I showed them that Karenina was my running comforter.

I finally had to marry Aisha to Ibrahim. They were given two children, Latifah and Fatimah. Both are down the Mariam line. Beautiful netherlands.

My instincts about Ibrahim turned out to be just right. The man was a high class gambler. He has hundreds of millions of debts.

I was going to help Aisya when my kidney was anfal. Eliza didn't care much, she seemed to wish I'd died soon.

Yeah, I did too. Living with him was like living in the hell of the world. Last night, Liong and Wen Wen visited me. My number one competitor is my best friend.

I wrote a letter with paper leftover from Mariam's fabric shop. I hope my children can see how much my love for their mother is still so great.

Bismillaahirrahmanirrahim,

Assalamualaykum Aisya and Dicky, dear children of the Father,

Forgive your foolish and sinful Father. There are no words other than regret and forgiveness that you want to say to you.

If this letter reaches you, it means that you are no longer there. Live in harmony and take care of each other, my children.

You are proud of you.

Aisha, forgive the attitude of the Father who disapproved of your marriage to Ibrahim. You deserve a better man. Aisya, I left your savings to cover your husband's debt. Previously, I opened an account in Dicky's name. Yes, on behalf of your brother because I'm afraid Ibrahim knows and takes it from you.

Dicky, be a strong man. If one day you have a wife, take care of her, I give her, do not put yourself in a situation that can make you slip because demons are everywhere.

My children, Mr. Pamit.

Barakallahu.

Your father loved you forever,

Mardi

***