The Traces of Destiny
Conversation Night

On the night of Thursday, one night before that important day, Garin lay in bed with Raka, alternating books so that the two could read each one page.

They leaned against the pillow with the blanket folded. Raka's hair was still wet after the bath, and Garin could smell the shampoo she used. The scent was sweet and fresh, as if it was more than just dirt that had been washed away.

In the middle of the page Garin was reading, Raka suddenly looked at him. "Did you miss Mama?"

Garin put the book down, then wrapped his arms around Raka. It's been a few months since the last time the boy mentioned Maudy without being asked.

"Yes," said he. "I miss him."

Raka pulls the pyjamas, so Patrick and Spongebob start dancing the wave dance. "Did you think about him often?"

"Any time" replied Garin.

"I also thought about it," Raka said softly. "Sometimes when I'm in bed... ." He nodded at Garin. "I get the picture in my head... ." He stopped talking.

"Aren't you like the movie?" Ask Garin.

"No. But not really rich movies . It's more like a picture, you understand? But I can't always see it."

Garin brought his son closer. "Does that make you sad?"

"I don't know. Sometimes."

"Neverything feels sad. Everyone feels sad sometimes. Even me."

"But Dad, you're an adult."

"Adults can also feel sad."

Raka seemed to be considering this while making Patrick and Spongebob dance again. The soft flannel material moves back and forth in a smooth rhythm.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to marry Ms Saras?"

Garin's eyebrows shot up. "I haven't really thought about it yet" he said honestly.

"But you're going out on a date, right? That means you're going to marry her, right?"

Garin could not help but smile. "Who told you that?"

"Some of the older children in school. They say that going out on a date was just getting married."

"Ngga is completely like that," said Garin, "they're kind of right, but also kind of wrong. Just because I had dinner with Ms. Saras doesn't mean we're getting married. That means we want to talk for a while so we can get to know each other. Sometimes adults like to do that."

"Why?"

Believe me, son, it'll make sense in a few years.

Garin explained, "They just did it. It's sort of...well, do you know how you play with your friends? When can you joke and laugh and have fun? That's what's called knowing each other."

"That's called a courtship?"

"Hmm, similar... Yeah, just a little similar."

"Oh," said Raka. He looks more serious than a seven-year-old should. "Are you going to talk about me?"

"Maybe a little. But don't worry. Everything will be fine."

"What-like?"

"Hmm, maybe we'll talk about a football game. Or maybe I'll tell you how good you are at fishing. And we'll talk about how smart you are...."

Suddenly Raka shook her head, her brows furrowed. "I'm not smart."

"Of course you're smart. You're very smart, and Saras thinks so too."

"But I'm the only one who has to stay after school in my class."

"Yeah, maybe it's nothing. I also had to stay after school when I was a kid, you know."

That seems to interest him. "Dad did it too?"

"Yes. It's just that I don't need to do it for a few months, I have to do it for three years."

"Three years?"

Garin nodded as an affirmation. "Every day."

"Wow," he said, "Dad must be really stupid to have to stay for three years."

In my heart: that's not what I mean, but I guess if it makes you feel better, I take it.

"You're a smart young man, so don't ever forget that, okay?"

"Did Ms Saras really say I was smart?"

"Every day he says it."

Raka smiled. "He was a good teacher."

Raka paused for a moment, and Patrick and Spongebob began to stand up straight again.

"Do you think she's pretty?" asked Raka innocently.

Oh my God, where did all this come from?

"Enggh....." Garin buzzing.

"I think she's beautiful" said Raka. He lifted his knee and grabbed a book so they could start reading again. "She made me remember Mama, sometimes."

Garin really didn't know what to say.

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Likewise Saras, though in a completely different context. He had to think for a moment before he finally found his voice.

"I don't know, Mom. I never asked him that."

"But he's a camat, right?"

"Yes..but that's not the kind of question that's ever come up to be asked so, is it?."

His mother wondered if Garin had ever been involved in embezzlement or such a case.

"Hmmm, I'm just curious, you know? You see all the shows on TV, and with the things you read in the newspapers lately, I wouldn't be surprised. It's a complicated, chain department."

Saras closed his eyes and held him like that. Ever since she casually mentioned that she was going with Garin, her mother had called several times a day, asking Saras dozens of questions that she could barely answer.

"I'll definitely ask him for you, okay?"

Saras' mother breathed in quickly. "Don't do that! I didn't want to ruin it all in the first place for you."

"There's nothing to ruin, ma'am. We haven't even gone out."

"But you said he was nice, right?"

Saras rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Yes, Mom. He's good."

"Well, then remember how important it is to give a good first impression."

"I know, Mom."

"And make sure you dress well. I don't care what some magazines say, it's important to look like a woman when you go out on a date. Things that some women wear today..."

As his mother continued to speak, Saras imagined himself hanging up the phone, but instead, he just started sorting through the incoming emails. Bill, promo-promo, Visa card application. Caught up in it, she doesn't realize that her mother has stopped talking and seems to be waiting for her to respond.

"Yes, ma'am," Saras said automatically.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Of course I'm listening."

"So you're gonna stop by the house, right?"

Saras tried to find out what his mother had said.

"You mean to bring him here or there?" he finally asked.

"I'm sure your father wants to see him."

"Umm. I don't know if we'll have time."

"Loh, you said you weren't even sure what you were going to do."

"We'll see you later, ma'am. But don't make any special plans, because I can't guarantee it."

There's a long gap at the end there. "Oh," said he. Then, try another approach. "I just thought that at least I wanted to have a chance to say hello."

Saras started sorting emails again. "I can't guarantee anything. Like I said earlier, I don't want to ruin anything she might have planned. You understand that, right?"

"Oh, I've guessed," he said, clearly disappointed. "But even if you can't come, you'll call me to tell me how it turned out, right?"

"Yes, Mom, I'll call."

"And I hope you'll have a good time."

"I hope so too."

"But don't be so fun-"

"I understand" said Saras cutting him off.

"I mean, it's your first date after-"

"I understand, Ma'am," said Saras, more emphatically this time.

"All right, then." He sounded almost relieved. "I think it's time I hung up. Unless there's something else you want to talk about."

"No more, I think we've covered almost everything."

Somehow, even after saying that, the conversation of the mother and child continued for another twenty minutes.