Tiba Khitbah
Past Trauma

However, time went by so quickly, six months after graduation, Zahra's future husband still had not gotten a job, until the lover decided to wander out of the city in hopes of getting a job and soon be able to marry the woman of his heart.

With full prayer and trust, Zahra finally let go of her lover in the hope that the next few months the lover will come back to pick up Zahra as his wife, a soulmate who will accompany his days for life. However, Zahra's plan did not go as he hoped, because it turns out the outside world makes the lover forget that he has chosen Zahra.

The man was having an affair and was in a relationship with another woman who I thought was no prettier than Zahra, not even her education was better than Zahra's. However, one that Zahra realized was that she was no sexier than that woman. Yes, Zahra does not have a plump body, very not sexy and far from the word sexy.

It turns out that all men are the same, they like beautiful women who spoiled with him, to forget the customs, courtesy and religion that governs the relationship between men and women. Yes, women and women who are not sincere and not yet halal are strongly encouraged not to get too close because Allah asks His servant not to approach adultery. Yes, although Zahra still argues that the closeness of Alex is limited to brother sister relationship, but both are not mukhrim and have no blood relationship at all.

Zahra always thought that Alex was a good man who was different from other men he had ever met before, but the attitude and mannerisms that Alex is aiming for have broken Zahra's trust for a creature named male.

"What Ummi said is true, that Alex is not a good man" Zahra said in a sobbing.

Zahra finally believes that if there is no parent who does not want his child to be happy, there is also no parent who wants to force something on the child if it will hurt his child. Only, the child who can not judge the good intentions of his parents.

Regret haunts Zahra's heart and feelings, until she chooses to let out all the tightness in her chest through the tears and tears of sadness that were not ceaselessly poured out.

Zahra wanted after this no more tears she shed for the man named man, because her life was too happy for her to waste.

Slowly, Zahra finally stepped slowly towards the musala in his office complex. Yes, even though it feels like the legs are heavy and like they can't take another step, it even feels like they are bobbing, but Zahra chose to keep moving forward. He wanted to meet the creator God, complaining and questioning many things that stuck in his heart and mind.

Although Zahra's heart was beginning to be unable to undergo all the trials of her life, the faith in Zahra's heart led her to the house of God.

Zahra was once disappointed in God because the fate of life is too heavy that he is living now, but his conscience still cannot deny that only God can help him in all situations and conditions.

Yes, Zahra prostrated himself before the creator in a weakened and desperate state. Strive to surrender and accept all that is outlined with a broad heart while raising your hands and hoping to the Almighty to give sincerity and pleasure to all His ordinances.

'O Allah, O my Lord, I know that I am a sinful creature, even my sins of the past may be as much sand on the beach. However, I believe in Your grace, I repent and always strive to be a better human being every day. But everything that happened no longer went my way, until I felt I was starting to be unable to live this life anymore,' zahra said in her heart with tears flowing down her cheeks.

Zahra believed that God would not give trials beyond the limits of His servant's ability, but now Zahra's self was no longer able to bear this heavy burden, until he asked the creator to remove all the pain he felt so that he began to get used to the situation.

Zahra chose to accept and no longer complained of anything, even that self was also thought to live alone in this world. Yes, it is true that marriage perfects half of one's religion, but if one's soul mate is not given God in the world then one must accept it because Maryam alone a noble woman has no soul mate in the world, but she is still one of the best women in heaven who might get the best mate of God's choice.

But can Zahra be like Maryam?

I don't know, Zahra is just an end-time woman trying to live life to do good. Yes, although sometimes in the long journey Zahra found a steep road and sharp pebbles that hurt him, but he will still survive in principle, if he will never stop fighting to find his true love, he said, and if he does not get it in the world, maybe God will give it in heaven until Zahra will get true happiness in heaven. However, the journey to heaven is also not easy, many trials and trials that Zahra must pass so that this self deserves to be a resident of heaven. Yes, there is no happiness that can be easily obtained because Allah is willing to test His servants who deserve to be residents of heaven.

'Lord, if my soul mate does not exist in this world, then remove my desires and race from men. Don't let me have undue feelings that make me have to get caught up in disobedience.'

Yes, Zahra has resigned to the life path that God gave. He also chose the path closest to God because Zahra believed that there was a prayer of his parents who became representatives of God in the world.

"Assalamualaikum, Zahar," said one of the worshippers at the musala who came to greet him with a beautiful smile on his face.

Zahra nodded slowly while looking at the woman's face carefully.

"Zahra, can we have a chat for a second?"