Happiness Leads to Farewell
Giving up does not mean losing

I don't feel like the time I went through was so fast now it's night again I'm allowed to enter the room first on the grounds of my unfinished work and it should be sent tomorrow I know tonight husband. I will gather with the elders in my village to talk about the issue of sacrifice because soon Eid al-Adha and rightly not how long I enter my husband's room and say goodbye gathering or meeting eid al-Qurban.

I continued my delayed work but I was unfocused because I still remembered my distant son who was still in SILENT mode .

I was just pensive to get my HP which contained Aysera's photo but I don't know I was so sick to see his photo of regret and guilt so tormenting me whether he felt the same as me or it's not clear maybe he's happy when I'm no longer bothering him.

every day I still perform my same ritual that just reminds him to pray, eat do not be late or take care of your health do not stay up yach only about that I can only doubt while staring at his photo and remove my uncle like a crazy person who speaks alone while beragis and holding back the tightness of his chest because he missed her.

Added to this with my disease that can not be invited to compromise really my waist pain is hot lower abdomen around the uterus area terat sick as followed by a stab and also I am now exposed to inflammation my intestines are getting sicker yach is indeed me who stubborn or stubborn do not keep the diet and always eat spicy foods that have become a habit .

I try to hold all the grunts holding my crying voice so that it is not heard by my youngest child because my eldest he went out for mabar online game may be a holiday he said because he did not go to CAFE AND I trying to endure this pain and quickly I ate the medicine that Doctor Aisyah gave me yesterday to reduce this pain.

I tried to lie on the bed to relieve this pain and wait for the effects of the medicine I ate earlier, I really hope quickly the effects of the drug was afraid my youngest child entered my room. approximately 15 minutes later the drug was in action I felt my body more better the pain that I had felt was reduced but the pain in my heart was even more painful again .

It's all happened I'll just wait until Aysera wants to talk to me and I'll stay like this. then I immediately took ablution water after feeling my body is good enough because the preoccupation works until I forget if I have not prayed any prayer then as usual I do my recitation and read the Quran even if only one page only but at least every day I do it because it has become my habit of the past .

At least yach if I take off the prayer of dawn or isya after I pray to the Supreme owner of this life so that I am given peace of strength and a chance so that I can improve myself .

And given the opportunity to visit Aysera and given the age to see my children live happily and I can make both my parents happy , crying spills all the anxiety and pain that I feel both physically and mentally I keep begging to be given all the best way in all the problems that I am facing right now.

I just want the lives of my loved ones to end happily and let me be strong to face this disease that I suffer alone because I do not want to be a burden to everyone around me.

I didn't feel like I was crying myself to sleep on a bed with a face that I was still wearing until I realized when my husband woke me up and I wasn't surprised because maybe I slept long enough because I was look at the wall clock in my room already showed at 2 am I immediately got up.

Tidying things up and then ignoring my husband who was looking at me in wonder because maybe I looked so swollen from crying was the smile that I forced was all I did to avoid a series of questions that my husband would have to throw right...

"𝙠𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙖..?". 𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙖 𝙠𝙪 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙞𝙡 𝙠𝙪 𝙪𝙨𝙖𝙥 𝙥𝙞𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙮𝙖.

" Why are you mom? "the answer..

" I.?. Why me? I'm good good aza!" my elak.

"Ehmm. You're a habit of hiding something like that!" answer again.

"Mom..it's your eyes that answer everything! you must be crying, right?" ask her again.

Oh... no pa.. I don't cry maybe my eyes are red because I slept long enough I slept!" elakku again.

Ah... You where there is a long sleep in his eyes as rich as that? where's there mom?" said again.

"Ah. you pa always origin aza.h already ah do not discuss already at 2 o'clock tomorrow will we work better we sleep again mungung there is a decent 2 hours right! "elak me while I lay my body beside him .

And I pulled his hand so he would sleep too. Finally he was silent and immediately broke his body while pulling my body into his arms.

Finally he fell asleep but I can't I just pura closed my eyes so that my husband doesn't ask me much again slowly land I break away from my husband's embrace to perform tahajud prayer because rather than me lying down .

I better use it for prayer and remembrance and somehow my illness is getting more and more so my stomach feels pricked and I see there is a blood stain dicelana sleep that I wear it too already hit on my bed sparai I also rushed the bathroom to clean it .

And seeing how much it was out half-run I quickly went into the bathroom and I saw in his crotch I was flowing fresh blood the more I was quick to wash it and clean myself after more or less 5 Minutes I fought with the blood and it finally stopped .

I took a shower and got dressed immediately after it was confirmed that the blood did not come out I used a sanitary pad to keep it safe but I kept praying after making sure everything was safe.

"O ALLAH, O LORD ROBBANA, THE MOST LOVING AND LOVING IF ALL THIS IS A REPRIMAND TO ME FROM YOU FOR ALL THE WRONGS AND SINS I HAVE COMMITTED DURING MY LIFE THEN I WILL ACCEPT WITH ALL HIS THANKS.

𝙏𝘼𝙋𝙄 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙈𝙊𝙃𝙊𝙉 𝘽𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙆𝘼𝙉 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙆𝙀𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙋𝘼𝙏𝘼𝙉 𝙐𝙉𝙏𝙐𝙆 𝘽𝙀𝙍𝙏𝘼𝙐𝘽𝘼𝙏 𝘿𝘼𝙉 𝙈𝙀𝙈𝘽𝘼𝙃𝘼𝙂𝙄𝘼𝙆𝘼𝙉 𝙊𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙏𝙐𝘼 𝙆𝙐 𝘼𝙉𝘼𝙆 𝘼𝙉𝘼𝙆𝙆𝙐 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙏𝘼 𝙎𝙐𝘼𝙈𝙄𝙆𝙐 𝘿𝘼𝙉 𝘽𝙀𝙍𝙄 𝙆𝙀𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙋𝘼𝙏𝘼𝙉 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙈𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙏𝘼 𝙈𝘼𝘼𝙁 𝙋𝘼𝘿𝘼 𝙎𝙀𝙈𝙐𝘼 𝙊𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙉𝘼𝙃 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙎𝘼𝙆𝙄𝙏𝙄 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙔𝘼 𝘽𝘼𝙄𝙆 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙂𝘼𝙅𝘼 𝙈𝘼𝙐𝙋𝙐𝙉 𝙏𝙄𝘿𝘼𝙆 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙂𝘼𝙅𝘼 𝘽𝘼𝙄𝙆 𝙎𝙀𝘾𝘼𝙍𝘼 𝙇𝙄𝙎𝘼𝙉 𝙈𝘼𝙐𝙋𝙐𝙉 𝙋𝙀𝙍𝘽𝙐𝘼𝙏𝘼𝙉.

𝘿𝘼𝙉 𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙈𝙐𝙆𝘼𝙉 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝘿𝙀𝙉𝙂𝘼𝙉 𝘼𝙉𝘼𝙆 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝘽𝙀𝙍𝙉𝘼𝙈𝘼 𝘼𝙔𝙎𝙀𝙍𝘼 𝙂𝙐𝙉𝘼 𝙈𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙏𝘼 𝙈𝘼𝘼𝙁 𝘿𝘼𝙉 𝙈𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙉𝙔𝘼 𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙔𝙐𝙈 𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙔𝘼 𝙄𝙏𝙐 𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙏𝘼𝘼𝙉𝙆𝙐"

𝙔𝘼 𝘼𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙃 𝘼𝙉𝘿𝘼𝙄 𝙋𝙀𝙉𝙔𝘼𝙆𝙄𝙏𝙆𝙐 𝙄𝙉𝙄 𝙈𝙀𝙍𝙐𝙋𝘼𝙆𝘼𝙉 𝙅𝘼𝙇𝘼𝙉 𝘼𝙆𝙐 𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙐𝙅𝙐 𝙆𝙀𝙈𝘼𝙏𝙄𝘼𝙉𝙆𝙐 𝘼𝙆𝙐𝙋𝙐𝙉 𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙈𝘼 𝘿𝙀𝙉𝙂𝘼𝙉 𝙄𝙆𝙃𝙇𝘼𝙎 𝙆𝘼𝙍𝙀𝙉𝘼 𝙆𝙀𝙏𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙐𝘼𝙉𝙈𝙐 𝘼𝘿𝘼𝙇𝘼𝙃 𝙏𝘼𝙆𝘿𝙄𝙍 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙐𝙎 𝙃𝘼𝙈𝘽𝘼 𝙅𝘼𝙇𝘼𝙉𝙆𝘼𝙉"

After I intend in my heart not to interfere with the life of AYSERA I will leave everything on the Way of ALLAH SWT let him who will bring us together with his path and destiny I declare him away from me and I was tormented by her silence enough I tried to be strong and stay healthy.

So that I can have a chance to meet We resigned does not mean giving up but holding on for the better and I gave up not I gave up but I do not want AYSERA more hurt because of me this.

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