Happiness Leads to Farewell
Strange feelings that confused me

𝙆𝙪 𝙡𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙞 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙞 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙞 𝙠𝙪 𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙪𝙝 𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙖𝙣 𝙠𝙚𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙥𝙖𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙥𝙞 𝙙𝙖𝙣 𝙠𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙝 𝙖𝙥𝙖 𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙮𝙚𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙣𝙮𝙖... 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙖 𝘼𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙖 𝙤𝙝 𝙣𝙜𝙜𝙖 𝙟𝙪𝙜𝙖 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙖 𝙖𝙠𝙪 𝙨𝙪𝙙𝙖𝙝 𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙖𝙝𝙖 𝙨𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙠𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙠𝙞𝙩 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙠 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙖 𝙗𝙞𝙨𝙖 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙢𝙖 𝙨𝙚𝙢𝙪𝙖.

And learning to take everything that happens even if I don't deny it all is very difficult and feels very painful, he said, what I am now doing all I have given in the way of Allah SWT only I follow the storyline.

A I no longer chat him whatever I just saw him online isn't it? what time was he online? or just just look at his SW just like every day I go through with me constantly looking for information from the Typhoon about his development thank God every 2 or 3 days he always send me a video or photograph him with all activities .

I just turned it all around with pleasure because he was happy even though I saw in his eyes there was a glimpse of the wound he was hiding but I knew he was happy with someone who could indeed make him happy I could only say thank God he was fine and looked happy.

"𝙔𝘼 𝘼𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙃 𝙏𝙊𝙇𝙊𝙉𝙂 𝙅𝘼𝙂𝘼 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙔𝙐𝙈 𝙉𝙔𝘼 𝙅𝘼𝙉𝙂𝘼𝙉 𝙎𝘼𝙈𝙋𝘼𝙄 𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙄 𝙃𝙄𝘿𝙐𝙋 𝙉𝙔𝘼 𝘿𝘼𝙉 𝘽𝘼𝙃𝘼𝙂𝙄𝘼𝙆𝘼𝙉 𝙎𝙀𝙇𝘼𝙇𝙐 𝘿𝙄𝘼 𝘿𝙄𝙈𝘼𝙉𝘼𝙋𝙐𝙉 𝘿𝙄𝘼 𝘽𝙀𝙍𝘼𝘿𝘼 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙏𝘼 𝙅𝘼𝙉𝙂𝘼𝙉 𝘽𝙄𝘼𝙍𝙆𝘼𝙉 𝙊𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙊𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙎𝘼𝘼𝙏 𝙄𝙉𝙄 𝘼𝘿𝘼 𝘿𝙄 𝘿𝙀𝙆𝘼𝙏𝙉𝙔𝘼 𝙈𝙀𝙇𝙐𝙆𝘼𝙄 𝘿𝘼𝙉 𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙔𝘼𝙆𝙄𝙏𝙄 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙔𝘼..." 𝙞𝙩𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙖 𝙮𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙡𝙪 𝙖𝙠𝙪 𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙟𝙖𝙩𝙠𝙖𝙣 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙠 𝙣𝙮𝙖 𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙥 𝙨𝙖𝙖𝙩,

Today is exactly where Eid al-Qurban I chat he said happy holidays but whether there is no response whatsoever just tick him blue I see but I feel happy and sad.

At night he always accompanies me.. he chatted me or vice versa with any topic well it was me who many stories he was a very very irrit person whatever so I was the one who always angled him to be able to write more (chat).

At this time I QURBAN IT just happens not to be my sister-in-law's home schedule was having an event with her big family even though at the time they went to take me but I was quite uncomfortable with the family my sister-in-law I better continue the work that I have to send next week .

Oh yes I just benefit to Chat children ask what activities they do there because I can not go home and not good too because I will just enter the time I have to take off again fortunately my children's children were not a problem especially they were already big and have been habitually left like this when Eid was the same.

After I chat with my children I also sent news with my mother then I chat with TOPAN and REKHA quite exciting too because it has also been a long time to chat like this TYPHOON that is always there berpatar with me was only about Aysera aja no other things.

I know it's okay and don't forget the plane ticket to Riau to Aysera... anyway transportation and all sorts of her I give up all the same to him me and my husband later just send money.

But if for my transportation for my work to Batam is borne by the Company as well as to 5 other colleagues we will attend an international seminar organized by our country and some other Asian country I was selected to be one of the representatives of my company who was invited to the event.

But somehow there's a feeling like I don't know how I'm feeling right now I'm feeling uneasy., haunts fear of being sad and overwhelmed with feelings of kangen with people I love so deeply and there is fear every time I close my eyes to sleep as well as the fear of loss that is very deep

I feel things and every day or even every night I dream with or even visited by people or relatives and friends who have left me or who have died.

and I am also hunted for guilt against people who I have hurt either verbally or good deeds that are intentionally or unintentionally it is the shadow of that person every day come back and forth in my mind and mind....

Every time I pray in my prostration I always ask that all this pass and I am patient and strong against it and I am always isikhomah in doing everything and my intention to get Ridho from Him amen.

It was all I ever asked for when the feeling came again but the strange thing was that the feeling got stronger and my body was getting more and more in unequal pain or worse because of every breath the day of bleeding and pain is very severe and also at this time I feel my chest getting more and more claustrophobic heart beat now racing once the feeling of fatigue continues to whack my body like lost half of it lemes and pain..

But I kept fighting so that everyone did not know everything I was going through every day even every night I kept smiling and mengse|wmbangkan all that so that no one would know it..

I tried so hard to ask Dr. Aisyah not to tell me everything I've experienced for my family even my children and husband I just said I JUST SAID I'M STILL STRONG AND I CAN STILL SURVIVE DOC !!! DON'T TELL ME TO CHECK THE HOSPITAL WAGES I WILL SURVIVE I DON'T WANT MY FAMILY TO WORRY BECAUSE OF MY CURRENT SITUATION I BEG YOU! that's my request to Doctor Aisyah every time I check because the worse I get here.