Heartrest
episode 18 of my mind

lessons from this episode

don't expect too much of something and someone wrong in life, because the end is very painful..

"Muhammad Alfian Shah"

a name that comes into my life and delights me..

time and seconds with him..

i'm ecstatic..

i'm excited..

the world is mine..

and yet..

just three months..

and next..

pain and perit..

pain and then pain..

that pain..

like being stabbed so many times..

in the wound and the same..

and as if sprinkled with salt..

painful and painful..

even the sickest..

I can't forget her..

sick again..

when you miss her..

very painful..

because I was direct..

don't have the picture..

although piece..

but why..

every word..

his behavior..

the consequences..

still shadowing..

in my mind..

when I feel my life is perfect..

I have everything..

husband..

pleasures..

bliss..

I was tested then..

another love is present in my life..

I keep drifting..

without thinking about my mistakes..

even me..

making the same mistakes over and over again..

yet i..

never get upset sometimes..

love and love..

just an extreme stupidity..

until I lost my self-esteem..

I'm so weak..

I thought my love was for a big husband..

my love is too fragile..

my sanity is gone..

I seem so cheap

enslaved..

chasing young menjaka..

my mistake..

my stupidity..

blinded my eyes and heart..

I'm just an ordinary woman..

the quiet and the thirst for attention..

who often make mistakes..

to me

you're just a heart backrest..

just for a moment..

just to fill the void..

yourself, yourself,

just dreaming..

and now I realize..

and back to reality..

i'm thinking..

what is alfian's assumption of me?

woman ******? cheap girl?

because I'm too cheap and easy..

even I was almost half conscious..

my life is crumpled and messy..

until I don't know what I want..

my heart, my mind and the words that come out of my lips..

different.not the same..

I talk to myself and laugh alone..

i'm ill..

very sick .

the pain is so great..

is this what it feels like to break up in love?

of love?

i laugh..

love based on lust..

basically..

men only consider women..

as a tool to satisfy lust..

and marriage is only a ticket to halve *** and relationships..

that's what I was thinking...

that's what's always playing around..

in my mind since I was a kid again..

and at this moment I realized..

everything's correct..

I shouldn't have been easy..

self surrender..

it's not easy to agree to marry a father's choice..

and now..

my life is tangled..

I know it's my fault..

it's my choice..

all these things, all these things,

I did it ..

and at this time..

I'm pregnant with Alfian's son..

but he did not confess his son

which I found..

I was too angry and upset..

at first I should have realized..

as I resolve to scrape this..

my husband Adrian is home..

all matters of abortion are constrained..

and sister Nora told me to cheat..

deceiving husband..

and act like I'm holding his son..

am I capable..

after deceiving him all this time..

do I have to cheat him again?

and I know this whole deception won't end..

henceforth..

I'm gonna cheat...

deceive again..

and hereafter..

living in a scam..

but I had no choice...

brother Nora's plan..

I'm following it roundly..

all this for the sake of the child in my stomach.

wasn't..

wrongful..

all these..

in my interest..

my interests..

i'm..

which is too important..

and never think about other people's feelings..