
Wood floating in no direction. That's how I and Reza are. Life goes on as usual, but not with our lives. There is nothing more truly meaningful than the child in my womb.
Not knowing what about Reza, but I chose a positive channeling of the turmoil I felt. I went back to writing after my last writing that I finished a few months ago, during my stay in the village. This time I wrote my own story. The love story between me and Reza -- which I myself do not know how it ends.
La Corbeille - that's the title I wrote for this story. In Indonesian it means: Tong Junk. What and who I consider trash, I myself do not understand. But to me -- back then - the whole love story I was running was like "junk." The love that started with the trauma of my past, then met Reza accidentally, starting from the meeting that I ignored, until I finally responded and we became acquainted. Then continue in the next phases. The waves of romance are up and down. At this point today, we split up. Next, God is the one who predestines. I just put it down in words that are strung together in chapters and paragraphs. That way, I can get through the toughest times of my life.
In the first weeks, Reza used to see me every day. Morning or noon he always comes even though I never pay attention to his presence, even though I do not want to stare let alone talk to him. But I never hid or avoided him. Except on Saturdays and Sundays when Ihsan was at home, my mother forbade Reza from coming on the grounds of not wanting the two brothers-in-law to kill each other.
Maybe, because of learning from his mistakes, Reza again became a figure who was so patient facing me. He can last two to three hours with me who is like a living doll. He tried to keep talking to me even though I never responded. I honestly hear it every time he talks. And every time he came, he never forgot to bring me fruit, especially fruit, he tried his best to observe my womb. He also did not forget his obligation to provide a living born, besides still transferring to my account, he also entrusted cash to my mother for the cost of our daily needs, without Ihsan's knowledge.
Indeed, what Reza did was painful. It felt like a hard slap for me that had never done my duty as a wife since I returned home to Ihsan. Moreover, there was once - if not mistakenly in early December, by then we had been separated for more than two weeks. When she arrived, I was in my room, had just finished my bath and was still wearing a towel, and my door was unlocked.
"Can I come in?" tanyakanya.
I didn't say it and I just let him in. Despite not looking, I felt like she was looking at me fixedly as I picked out clothes from the closet. Then, as I was about to go to the bathroom to change clothes, without me noticing, Reza, who had been feeling my body for two weeks, did not feel the warmth - she followed me before I had time to lock the door.
I gulped at him standing tight in front of me with eyes full of desire. While releasing the towel that was wrapped around my body, he whispered, "I'm a miss" he said, with a roar of breath hunting in the ears.
As my heart beat faster, I felt the same vibrations as before, the same vibrations as before we got married and the first night. Like being hypnotized, I was unconscious when she started to play around in my ears and peppered my neck. I barely enjoyed the intoxicating sensation when he was* of my neck, if only his hand had not stuck to my cheek which reminded me of his slap back then, we might have been struggling badly, he said, maybe even moved to bed.
"Stop!" I said. I held his hand and put it in front of my face. I stared at the hand with emotions I couldn't beat. But, a moment later, I let go of my grasp. "I hate this hand" I said. "This hand that once grabbed me from the darkness of the past. But this hand, too," my voice choked, and I began to sob. "Go, Mom!"
Reza was stunned, but could do nothing. "You haven't forgotten that?"
Huh huh?
I'm shaking. "It's not that easy. You slapped me in public and it was seen all over the world. I won't be able to forget that."
"Darling...."
I shakes unclear. While holding back the shock from sobbing, I covered my body with both hands. "Please go" I asked. "Don't see me again."
However, in fact he still came to see me after the rejection. He was patient with me. And it lasted for a whole month.
"I'll ask Erik to check in here every week and get all your needs ready here."
I have been indifferent to him ever since he came - suddenly turned my head in shock to hear his words.
Wh why? Are you going to marry Salsya?
I want to open my mouth and ask that question.
"Don't worry. I will never forget my responsibilities as a father and husband to you and our children."
Please, Nara. Ignore it! Ignore it! Ignore it! Bodo whatever he will do. His word to another woman means talaq to you. Single-minded. Must sincere.
"Darling," he said.
For the first time that day -- since we parted - Reza touched my stomach. But I got rid of him.
"I told you, I don't like that hand. Apart from slapping me and almost hurting my son, that hand has also been stroking another woman's stomach. I hate! I want to be the first. But you? You're assholes!"
I started to get hysterical and throw things around me. But it was just pretending that Reza was leaving. I'm not really stressed.
Another Reza, another my mother. Although both considered me real stress, they responded to me in different ways. When Reza dodged my attack, my mother approached and hugged me tightly. "You just go, son," she told Reza. "Don't worry. Later Mommy asks Aris to come here to help Nara."
"I'm not crazy.." I shouted. "I just hate to see that con man here. Liar! Goddamn bum! Pied nose! Go you!"
I sobbed. But Reza still did not want to leave.
Goddamnit! It's hard, yeah, now expel him. Wew!
"Go..," I shouted as loud as my vocal cords could. And finally, pretending to be weakened should be a mainstay weapon. I sat on the floor bending my knees and cupping my hands together. "Please, go now. Let me rest. I beg you."
With a pale face, Reza complied and immediately left. Either out of shock at the fact that I needed a psychiatrist or because I was jealous of Aris, I don't know. After that, I told my mother that I was fine and that I didn't need Aris to come to Jakarta. I know, I'm fine. I don't need a psychiatrist.