I ACCEPT YOUR WIDOW
10. NIGHTMARE
I remember during my treatment abroad I had a very unpleasant time . I often have bad dreams. The voice of an unknown man whimpering in pain and asking for help haunts me every night. And I often wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweat flooding my body. And sometimes I hallucinate seeing a ghost-like figure in my room. The ghost of a man covered in blood all over his body. And it was terrible.
" Go away...don't bother me!!" Shouts me hysterical.
"Yoga..." My mother was crying while hugging me.
" He was there Ma. the man." said I . My mother could only hold me tighter and cry with me.
A few months into the treatment, I also got therapy at a psychiatrist in addition to my leg recovery therapy. And every night I go through with a dream like that.
I was thinking maybe that man became a curious ghost who kept terrorizing me.He might not have died quietly.
I had no idea at the time that perhaps the ghost of the man was saddened to see the state of his wife because of my Papa's attitude . And also his in-laws. Who could have kicked him out when he was pregnant.
The one word he always said in my dreams was covered in blood.
" please....."
I wiped the clear details that fell from my eyes. I am really sad to know all the facts that happened because of my selfishness.
I ran away from the responsibility of being sad to lose my lover no matter what the unfortunate fate of that woman who lived in her husband.
I could only go silent and think about how and what I should do to the woman and her children to make amends.
Ever since I recovered from overseas medicine all I did was get drunk every time the nightmare came.
Although it's not every day come to haunt me like it used to . Maybe it was because my mom had the house people hold a salutation and send prayers for her.
I quit college and got busy with alcohol to forget my grief.
Losing the Moon was my hardest blow. I was drunk with my friends with many women I called to accompany me to drink but none of them could replace the Moon.
Mama thought it was easy to be a believer because she lived in that city.. 😤
My uncle was a teacher at a boarding school in town. He taught me little by little about a religion I had forgotten all along.
Introduced me to his great master who often advised me and guided me. Trying to make peace with my past and live better.
Pray for the Moon and the man. And accept all that happens is a fate of God that we as humans have no power at all against his will.
I stopped drinking, stopped playing women and stopped going to nightclubs. I'm trying to get my life back.
Therefore after that I want to continue my studies again .But not in the Capital of Jakarta anymore but in the city of Surabaya which is far from where I came from..
My uncle said the new neighborhood would bring a new influence.
Mama and Papa were happy and supportive of my decision even though it meant that they would be separated from me until I graduated. They sometimes visit me. They know I'm still reluctant to go to my capital city because I'm afraid I'm traumatized again.
My father bought me a spacious 2-story mansion close to my new campus. The facilities are complete ranging from so big and magnificent houses, flower gardens on the side and in front. My favorite sporty car is on display in the garage and some other expensive cars.
And a swimming pool and basketball court complete with a basketball hoop even though one cm ring is commonly called half a lap.
Papa knows I used to love playing basketball too. I feel comfortable living there with a maid and a gardener who doubles as a caretaker.
I continued my studies and met Bhishma there. I have been friends with him for a year.
I don't care if he's the son of a farmer with an ordinary family background, I assume he's like my own brother because he's a good boy .
He accepted me with a past that I never covered up from him.She often advised me too.
" Move on bro.." The words I always remember from Bhishma's lips when I told her about the accident.Where I also lost the Moon.