I ACCEPT YOUR WIDOW
74. RECONCILE WITH FEAR

Arriving in Yogja we took a taxi to stop by Raka's parents' house. They greeted us with a smile like never before.

" Please go in" said Jaka welcoming us.

" It's good that Oma Opa's granddaughter is coming again." said Nora happily as she hugged her two grandchildren.

" We want to visit the tomb of Mas Raka Ma." said Kristy after kissing the hands of Jaka and Nora.

I also shake hands with them. They are actually lazy to go to their homes. But you still have to be on good terms with them because Dafa and Dafi are their grandchildren.

" You go there just like Dea. He also wanted to send a prayer to his brother . If we had been there this morning" said Nora.

" Yes, Ma.." Answer Kristy

" Dafa and Dafi are here. You will all stay here " said Jaka.

" They're coming with us "quickly said. " And we will stay at the hotel "

Jaka and Nora fell silent. Actually they want to meet kangen and let go of longing for both grandchildren. But they cannot fight yoga.

" I'm sorry Ma Pa. " Kristy said badly to her parents-in-law. Both of his in-laws fell silent.

" Ah that's Dea already coming... " Nora immediately switched and welcomed the arrival of her new daughter coming with her husband and child.

" Sister Kristy." said a beautiful woman with a mature brown skin with a man and a baby sitter holding a small baby.

" Dea." said Kristy as she hugged her sister-in-law. They hadn't met for long.

" It's my husband Yoga.and it's Dea's sister Mas Raka and her husband Daren's "Kristy introduced them after hugging Dea.

" Hello Brother.." Daren shaking hands with Yoga. Yoga shook his hand and smiled.

" Have you given birth to the deck?" ask Kristy

" Yes, sister. This is my daughter.. Mimi is 1 month old "dea replied.

Dafa and Dafi seemed happy to see a little baby in the baby sitter Dea sling. Both of them touch the cheeks of their cousin's sister .

" Sister Mimi." call both of them

" Kris. Let's go now. During the night "my words when glancing at the clock are already at 16:00

" Yes "

" Where to go, brother, let me deliver "Said Daren.

" Send Prayer to Mas Raka.."

" Yes already. I haven't been there either" Daren said.

" Dafa, Dafi ..ayo.." I called both.

I don't actually want to be cold to them. But I just don't want Kristy and her kids to be too familiar with Raka's family. Given the attitude and words both of Raka's parents used to say, I was afraid that they would have an influence on my two sons.

The two of them immediately approached me. I took the two of them to follow Daren to his car. And Kristy too. Then we immediately went to Raka's funeral.

15 Minutes later we arrived at the cemetery. Suddenly there was a sad feeling in my heart. Especially when remembering the last figure of Raka in the accident. The shadow of him when he was hit, dragged and squeezed with a body crushed and blood pouring out made me hesitate when he was about to step into his navel.

Suddenly I lost my courage. It was as if it had just happened yesterday. And that terrible shadow started to fill my head. Reminds me of the time of his early death, the horrifying blood-soaked ghostly terror that comes to me every night. Showing his blood-soaked monstrous figure asking me for help.

' My feet won't step there.. L'm..I'm still scared .. No. gabe..I can't ..I couldn't meet Raka .." My mind screamed bitterly.

" Yog.. ?" Kristy was surprised by me. I don't dwell from where I stand.

Daren who had arrived first waved at us. Showing a tomb . Tomb of Raka who stayed just a few steps away from us.

" You go first, Kris, my legs are cramping" I answered trying to calmly cover my fears.

Kristy then steps up to Daren.

I'm like a frozen statue. Staring from a distance pusara Raka. Kristy and Daren clean the tomb and recite prayers for her.

" Papa why ?" ask Dafa who saw me staring there.

I said nothing . Only my eyes that seemed to be glazed with glass held back my tears that were about to fall.

' What?... Did this kid see their Papa ghost? '

'' Yes, Papa is there." replied Dafa as well.

People say, young children can see ghosts or subtle figures of their guards. It was true that these two innocent children could see the figure of their Papa.

' Oh no. Both of them saw Raka? ghost Raka?... Is he gonna scare me again.. Is he haunting me again? ...Is he going to demand a reply to me ..' I immediately thought that no. I'm paranoid myself.

" Papa smiled." said Dafi

' What..'

" Let's go Pa. Papa smiled at us "said Dafa while touching my hand.

' What a..' I looked at Kristy and Daren who were still praying for Raka. There was no Raka there. Are these two boys just hallucinating or are they really seeing Raka ?

Dafa and Dafi held my hand. And lead me to Raka's grave. I don't know why I had the courage to be there. Staring at his navel. His final resting place.

' Raka Kurnia' The name was engraved on his tombstone. Along with the date of his death.

I was fixated with mixed feelings in my heart. Guilt and thousands of regrets are in my heart. As in the face of the mistakes I made before where I had run away because of my selfishness. If I could just say, I want to shout with all my might and say my regrets and apologies.

I had no intention of killing him, it was by accident . And even though it was because of my carelessness but everything that happened was due to fate. Destiny of God . And we humans have no power at all against his will.

' I'm sorry Raka..Sorry, ' I said in my heart with the earnestness of my heart.

I then prayed for him, reading him a good prayer.

' I accept this destiny... I admit my mistakes and stupidity ...I regret what I did.. And I'll take your word. You leave Kristy to me.. You chose me to take care of him and your son.. I promise you Raka..I'll be a good husband and father to them... To protect and educate them .. My whole life .. for them 'I touched Raka's tombstone and sprinkled flowers on her navel after praying.

' May you be calm and peaceful there Raka. May God forgive all sins and give you the best place in heaven...'

After that we all left the resting place of Raka and returned to the place of the Raka family.

" Mama mama." call Dafa.

" What's dear..?"

" So I saw Papa Raka there." said Dafa. Kristy and Daren turned to Dafa

" yes.. I too." said Dafi anyway

" ..." s."Kristy gaped.

" Said people sometimes a child who is still sacred can indeed see the visible things Kak.." Say Daren while driving his car.

" Really?"

" What's he like." I asked

" Papa is handsome in white.. He smiled at me and Dafi " said Dafa.

" Papa Raka also touched Papa's head" said Dafi

" me?" ask me for wonder . And suddenly my hair stood up.

" She smiled at Papa Yoga" said the two.

We're all dumb. I'm , Daren and , Kristy .

" Maybe it's a\_mong Kak Raka... She was happy to see Kak Yoga and Kak Kristy happy.." Daren said with a smile.

Kristy and I looked at each other. Yep..

maybe that's true. Raka has given Kristy to me. And he's happy with our family. I hope so.

I grabbed Kristy's hand and then grabbed her.

' Yeah..Kristy and her son are my responsibility. I can't just get angry and shut it down. How a wife is depends on her husband. It may still take some time to process...Be patient with his hard\_head but I can change Kristy.. I'll change it slowly... '

I will make my home a beautiful home...