INSECURE, Love of the Past
Curhatan Kia's

As usual, I always wake up at dawn and start my routine from dawn prayer, shower, dishwashing, to mopping all I do.

I feel grown up and don't want my mom tired of doing all that. Because mama is also busy managing her hijab shop. Usually by 6 it's all set and I'll have breakfast.

I'm a child, I don't have a brother or sister. Sometimes I always feel lonely just stay together mama. Papah died when I was in 3rd grade.

After breakfast I say goodbye to Mom to go to school.

"Well, go to school. Assalamu'alaikum."

Mamah who was watering the plants answered my greetings, "Yes neng, be careful in his path ya waalaikumsalam."

I set off on foot, because the distance from home to school was not too far away and could still be reached on foot.

At school I saw Kia sitting crying on her stool. He buried his head in both hands. And that morning was still quiet, there were only a few of my friends who were already in class.

I ran and kept the bag. I asked her why she was crying like that.

"Kia, why are you crying? Any issues?"

"I'm sad again Mar. My parents are fighting, and you keep telling me you're going to divorce Mom." Said Kia while sobbing holding back the cries.

"I can't bear it if it happens, how should I.? And you said, he already has a replacement mamah and will marry again next month." A thread of tears drenched her cheeks, making me feel her sadness as well.

"Huh? Same who?"

"The father said that women are rich, beautiful and have a successful boutique business. I don't know whose name is."

"Have you spoken well, Father, why would he divorce your mother? There must be a reason, right?"

"Say because mamah is the wife of the unlucky bearer. 16 years together but can not change our economy. He said he was no longer attractive in his eyes. Never dandy, ugly, squishy, and stinky."

"Mamah doesn't want that either. What power you also can not buy mamah clothes, skincare, make up, or care to the salon. Boro-boro to buy make up or care to the salon, make eating just us hard."

"Mamah always dabbles to make my school fees from the results of his own mamah business. But you don't understand that he just can't make us happy but instead looking for another woman."

"Astagfirulah.. O Allah why your father is so evil. Your mother has been patient with him from zero, now even wants to stay.. It's so fucking !"

Beautiful it takes capital. If it is not able to meet the needs of the wife because of mediocre income, at least do not hurt her heart. That's what's important for a woman.

Less treasure can be sought but less affection cannot be sought. Although life is difficult, if our partner loves and loves sincerely, he will definitely try to make his wife and child happy even in a simple way.

I can only cheer him up and comfort him.

I look at myself. Looking at my face and body that was far from interesting. Am I going to be like Mom Kia? Which is sweet enough to throw away. Which is basically ugly later it gets worse after marriage. Hix.. I was sad, sad to mourn my ugly fate.

I don't want to get a man like that, an irresponsible man who only demands rights without fulfilling his obligations. A man who does not know himself can only hurt his wife. Amit-amit, may I be kept away from such men.

I was lucky to be raised in a harmonious family environment. Papah never snapped mama even though mama always nagged every day. Papah even always seduce mamah if mamah is angry. And in the end, mamah can never be angry with papah because papah is good at taking his heart.

Papah also never scolded me. Every mistake I make, Papah always gives me advice gently. Even though I was a child at the time, I always remember the memory of papah. Papah is a hero to me.

Kia's parents are incapable. His father was only a factory worker whose salary did not even reach UMR. While his mother sells fried food every morning around the village while bringing his younger siblings. It's so sorry I saw it.

I could not bear her mother who slammed her bones to support her children, but was instead hurt by her own husband.

Each will be repeated, Kia always called by the administrative staff and became the last to be given a repeat card after her mother came to see our homeroom, because she was always in arrears SPP every month.

Kia was the first child and had 4 younger siblings. How difficult it is for Kia's mother to manage finances that are mediocre.

Sometimes I help her pay SPP. Because I am quite capable and mamah is also happy to be able to help my best friend. Kia is like my own brother, we have been friends since we started entering this school.

She is a strong and independent woman. He was not crybaby and never complained about his condition like that. If I was in his position, I don't know if I could be as strong as him? I don't think I can be as strong as Kia. Who can still smile even though his heart is actually hurt because of his own family.

As for me, my heart is fragile and always good. I'm not very good at hiding my sadness like Kia. Even the slightest problem I face, Kia and Indra will know. Because my mouth can't not confide in them. And I am a very expressive person when it comes to spilling my emotions. Be it happy, sad, angry or upset emotions.

Unlike Kia, who rarely spills his emotions. If she had cried like that, it meant that her heart had already been deeply hurt. And it can't be contained anymore.

Mamah always says if we are able, help friends who are in need. Never expect a reply from a human. Be sincere, let God repay our kindness.

Because when we hope in humans and it doesn't match our expectations there is only disappointment that will eventually destroy the friendship itself.

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