INSECURE, Love of the Past
Correcting information

After eating, the four of us went straight to the empty boat. I sat beside Ivan, while Daffa and Aldi were in front of me.

I remember the time of MOS preparation, I took Indra on a boat also in the lake. Why does every thing related to my brain senses instantly remember those memories huh?

But now I must love Ivan with all my heart. Brother Ivan has sacrificed so much for me and has loved me very sincerely. I feel bad if I still ignore the feelings of Ivan.

I'm sorry Brother.. But the name Indra cannot be erased in my heart, His name will always be in my heart forever even though I love you with all my heart.

But I don't want you to know that, just let me know the depth of this feeling for Indra. I'll keep your feelings, brother, because I'm sure Big Brother won't hurt my heart.

I will find out about your life, because Big Brother is seriously going to marry me so I should know all about Big Brother.

After finishing boarding the boat, Kak Ivan said he wanted to go to the minimarket first buy drinks and other snacks. He said he had forgotten before leaving not to stop by the minimarket first.

"Honey, I buy drinks the same snack first yes to the minimarket. You're the same Aldi and Daffa used to be." Said Brother Ivan while rubbing my cheek.

"Yes Brother.." I let go of Ivan's hand so tightly.

"Al, take care of the angel of my heart. Watch out Maria for why." Brother Ivan said to Brother Aldi.

"Iye midget!! There is no reason if I take care of you. Ivan doesn't believe me." Replied Aldi in an annoyed tone.

"Awas aja you brain pervert with my Mary." Threatened him.

"No!! Crazy you." Replied Aldi snorting annoyed.

"Sister, do you want to go now or do you want to argue?" I was surprised to see these two beings who always argue is not important.

"Now my dear, my future wife. I'm going ya." Brother Ivan passed by while smiling at me.

Not long after, Daffa also went with Brother Ivan. He said he was going to the toilet because of stomach pain. Me and Aldi both sat in the gazebo. Aldi just kept looking at me, it seemed like there was something he wanted to talk about.

"Sir Aldi, why look at me like that? I'm so ugly, aren't I?" I asked, because I really don't care today.

"No, I wonder why Ivan is crazy about you." The answer, makes me embarrassed and more inferior.

"I don't know either, I'm surprised myself. I've turned down Ivan 6x, but Ivan continues to fight so I want to be his girlfriend. Sometimes I like to think, is there a pellet in me or what? I myself also feel less courting with Brother Ivan. VERY MINDFUL" I said, clarifying the final sentence.

I explained to Kak Aldi my true feelings, because at this time I really want to vent. And if I want to confide in you again, my mouth can't stop to tell you the truth. Surely the same people I trust and make me comfortable too. And Kak Aldi is also good to talk to people.

"Originally you know Mary. When Ivan first went to college in Canada, he was very lethargic. There is no spirit of life at all and when I am the same as him, he said kangen same girlfriend. Finally I invite him to make FB and tomorrow it fits inbox from you, he is very happy. To the extent that all day he smiled constantly and made the girls there on the same crush Ivan. But he didn't respond to all the girls' love statements."

"And when I asked him why he loves you so much, he said because you are so expensive. Even though at that time you were not officially Ivan's girlfriend, but Ivan already admitted it. He also said that the one who got his first kiss was Ivan, not the ex you love so much." Obviously Aldi again.

I swear I was really embarrassed when Aldi discussed the matter of the kiss. Ivan really doesn't know shame!! It's a disgrace, why should be told to others. I did not answer Kak Aldi's words, I just kept silent without a word.

"Mara.." Call Aldi Brother.

"Do you love Ivan?" Aldi's question surprised me a little.

"Why did you ask that?" I turned back to the same brother Aldi.

"I want to know, because you still keep Indra's name in your heart, right?" The question made me even more surprised. Why does Aldi know? What do I have to answer?

"Sister, did you have someone you loved in the past?" My toot.

"There's." The answer.

"Can you just forget all the memories with her?" Ask again.

"No, I remember my first love in High School." Answer again.

"That's how I feel, brother. All the memories of anything that has been missed will not be forgotten just like that, right? Moreover, someone who is very valuable to us and that person really loves us. Of course we will not be able to erase his name easily when parting with him. Because every moment that passes in our lives will become history in the future."

"I love Brother Ivan, love him very much brother.. Honestly, when Ivan decided to go to college in Canada, my heart was broken. Brother Ivan reneged on his promise that would be forever by my side. That day I was so disappointed, I cried when I came home from school. My heart ached at the memory of Ivan's brother who always comforted me when I lost Indra."

"I wasn't sure when I could be with him, because I thought why wait for someone who wasn't clear when he'd come back. And as long as Ivan's brother was there, Zain came to try to get close to me. My heart was not pounding near Zain, different when I was near Indra and Ivan."

Aldi listened to my explanation at length.

"Zayn? Who's she?" Kak Aldi asked in surprise, because he did not know Zain.

"My classmate and now she's the boyfriend of my best friend, Kia." My answer.

"Then Daffa?" Ask again, Kak Aldi's question becomes an ambiguous question. What does 'Then Daffa' mean?

"I mean Brother?" I ask who does not understand the direction of the question.

"How do you feel about Daffa, how?"

"Ooh.. He is my best friend whom I love the most, I love Daffa as my friend. Because Daffa has always been there for me since I lost Indra and was left by Brother Ivan. My feelings for him do not exceed my feelings for Ivan."

My answer made Aldi become silent again. I don't know what was on his mind, but after I said that the atmosphere became silent..

Crickets,

Crick

Crick.

...****************...