My Ex-husband Lecturer
Chapter 83 Love in the shadows of the past

Flashback when Rian comes to the hospital before Ghea. 

The breeze of the late - late is present from between the leaves of trees that are flown by the wind. The tree is located on the 3rd floor porch of a hospital where Kirana is being treated. To go to the veranda, we just need to walk straight from Kirana's room and then turn left. The middle of the hallway is a small door that will take us to the third floor. 

Unlike the porch in general, this veranda has several large trees planted in a box - a large box of rocks that are deliberately made to give a beautiful atmosphere on the veranda. 

There are chairs for seating for patients and families to simply give themselves a break. Not a few families who spend time eating lunch or resting in the place. 

One of them was mama Kirana who had just taken a seat. He chose a spot at the far left that was close to the turn of Kirana's hallway even though from her seat it remained invisible. 

There are three four steps that must be climbed to get to the place. Deliberately made higher than others and there are umbrellas - umbrellas and wooden chairs. Before long Rian came with two bottles of drinks that turned out to be juice. A bit of a clumsy feeling from Rian's face. He hesitated to sit down and like waiting for an aba - aba before actually leaning himself on the chair. 

Five minutes of silence with no sound between them. Just the breeze bit by bit by noon towards that afternoon. Some leaves appear to be flying. People seem to wipe their hair that is tangled with the wind. The presence of trees makes the movement of air more pronounced there. 

“So, since when have you been in Indonesia?”, finally mama Kirana who spoke first. More precisely asking questions. 

Rian did not want to take the initiative to open the sentence. But he was so nervous. Confused what to say because there was too much for him to explain. One over. He's not ready yet. She is so worried about Kirana's condition that she unknowingly goes to the hospital, making her likely to meet Kirana's mother, who used to be a parent to her. 

“About a year and a half ago.”, said Rian honestly. 

Mama Kirana could not hide her surprise even though it was natural. 

“You didn't even tell mom that you were back in Indonesia? Mama thinks you're still abroad. Is it because you are divorced from Kirana, then we do not need to connect or maintain communication again?”, said Mama Kirana in a subtle tone. 

“It is not so, Ma. Rian is just not ready.”, reply Rian while looking down. 

“Ready for what? What to prepare?”, asked Mama Kirana began to look sad. 

“Whatever the story, Rian still has disappointed mama and papa Rian himself. Rian didn't know what to say when he met Mom. Even now, Rian does not know what to say, must explain what.” is. 

Silent. There was no reply from mama Kirana. 

“Ma, Rian apologized.”, he replied. 

“For?”

“Rian's decision destroyed everything.”, Rian said this time daring to look at his former in-laws. 

“When you two decided to divorce, mom didn't get any explanation. What now you still do not want to explain?”, asked Mama Kirana. 

There was no response from Rian. 

“Is that really a reason you can't say? To be honest, my mom was disappointed in you. At an older age, you should be able to make wise decisions. Kirana never told my mom. But, was it because of Kirana's fault, you divorced her? My mom really wanted to know. But, does it have to be a day after the hammer of your divorce, you have to leave everything?”, asked mama Kirana again. 

“Then? Why are you here? Are you guys in touch?”, asked Mama Kirana who could not draw another conclusion after seeing her ex-daughter-in-law standing in front of Kirana's hospital room. 

Feelings of shock, confusion, joy, sadness, all like mixed into one. 

“Neg, ma. Absolutely, engga.”, reply Rian. 

“Lantas, how did you know Kirana was in the hospital?”

“Rian teaches as a lecturer at Kirana campus, Ma. Rian accidentally with a conversation mama with one of the campus friends Kirana.”, replied Rian. 

“Lecturers? At the same college as Kirana? Since when did Kirana know you were back in Indonesia? No, since when did she know you were a lecturer at her campus?”, out of shock, Mama Kirana had forgotten the most standard question she had to ask. 

Rian knew where his former in-laws' questions were headed. He also knew that Kirana had never told her about herself to her mother. So, Rian was confused as to what to answer, now. 

“Since the first time Kirana entered the campus.”, replied Rian. 

Mama Rian gave a look of disbelief to her. But that incredulous look he actually wanted to lay on his daughter. How could Kirana not say it at all. 

“The boy didn't even say a word. Rian, I'm sorry if mom says this. You're the one who divorced Kirana. You said there's nothing to do - anything else. So, better keep doing that. Mama doesn't know what happened because you two are the same. If so, then already. Mama hope your relationship is only limited to Lecturers and Students.”, after saying that, Mama Kirana immediately moved from her seat and left. 

The woman did not even hold or drink the drink that Rian had brought. Rian lowered his head on the table. He ruffled - random his hair. Frustrating. Not in this situation. But about what he wants. 

Imagine when you still expect someone, but the shadow of the guilt of the past makes you unable to move forward. Every time Rian wanted to reinforce his feelings, Clara seemed to come back to pull back her guilt. Making Rian drown in a bottomless abyss.

Flashback finished

************

“Pak Rian here?”, asked Kirana.

“Iya. I saw it yesterday. I don't know who he is anymore. Either his family or his friends. The richness of his room in the hallway that turned left was the decoction of the beverage vending machine. You see yesterday I saw doi through there.”, explained Ghea.

“Yakin, lo?”, asked Kirana.

“Initially not. But from the side it looks like him. And his clothes were also the same as the clothes he wore the next morning. Yes Ran, Mr. Rian's rich posture is rare - rarely anyone has. Yes, I must have known. Do not go through - through there. Tar if met instead of getting better, even more sick again, lo.”, said Ghea.

Kirana knows the direction of Ghea's conversation. His friend knew nothing about Rian and himself. But the talk remains valid. If Kirana met him, it seemed like it would only get sicker.

Rian made it look like he was on a roller coaster ride. Sometimes slow, sometimes moving very fast.

“Ran? Are you really afraid of meeting Mr Rian? Yeah eelah.. You will also not love about Physics just because you met. Haha. anyways yes.. I just met Mr. Rian off campus. Sakep yes.. Just realized. If on campus it was immediately dizzy just like the courses he taught. Well if outside already there is no aura of the lecturer, so rich handsome aja gitu.”, Ghea continues to chat random as he pleases.