Not I'm the Choice
15-Letter to Amel from mama.

Hi Amel, it's mama. Not many things you want to say at this time, mama just want to say sorry and thank you the same, Amel.

Thank you for being such a great boy to you, a strong boy that you've always been proud of.

And I'm sorry that you haven't been a good mother to Amel, a bad mother to Amel. Mama sucks for not being able to buy what Amel wants, sorry for mama. Amel should get a bully any time at school.

Amel know? For nine months, she waited for Amel to come and see the world. Then when Amel was born, the pain of childbirth it felt to have paid off with the sound of Amel's cry was very loud, mama was happy when Amel always asked to sleep accompanied while singing, Amel, mom was always happy to see Amel happy.

I'm sorry, mama's a loser, mama's a loser. Mama is very tired, dear mama Amel, very dear even more dear Amel than yourself. Amel is the universe of mama, Amel the star of mama. Mama will miss once with Amel, we will meet again.

Sorry if the new card comes, mama always makes gifts for Amel every year but because the gift of mama is cheap and ugly so mama thought it was inappropriate for Amel.

Amel must be a successful boy, dear papa and mama Desi yes. They're Amel's parents, don't think about anything. Do not stay up late and study too hard, you are smart without having to study hard.

Amel's a good mama's son, dear mama Amel.

***

One year later...

A lot has changed over the past year, there are some things that don't feel the same anymore. Slowly but surely one by one began to feel the same, feeling a sense of loss. Readiness, and longing. Satria thought her life would go on as usual but she didn't. Hana's passing makes her realize that there is something lacking in her life, Satria always guesses that she can live without Hana, but what? Until now Hana was always in her shadow. Satria realizes that she is getting used to Hana's existence, but it is too late because it is over.

The house was so cold and quiet, breakfast and dinner were so bland. Even sometimes Satria chose to eat outside or sleep in her office, I don't know she was always lazy to go home, Satria felt that the real house had been lost.

"Where are you going?" Satria stopped his steps when Desi called him, his only wife was standing before Satria with her face bent Dalat clearly seen that she was angry.

"Where am I asking you?"

"Not seen? I want to go to the office." Satria replied with a gaze that looked so relaxed.

"What time's home? Or not coming home again? Satria you changed, after Hana's departure. You have changed so much, where is Satria who spoils me so much, where is Satria who loves me, where? You're changing, Satria."

Desi is aware of Satria's changes, she knows that Satria also sometimes still often look for Hana's whereabouts in recent months. Satria often slept in his office and ignored him, really it made his heart so sick and felt unappreciated.

"You love him, don't you, Satria?"

"What do you mean? Stop talking nonsense, Desi. I'm paying for work now." Satria was about to leave but his hand was held by Desi.

"If I love her, what do you want?" satria asked in a low voice, Desi shook her head and started crying.

"Evil you! You lied to me, Satria. You said you loved me but what did I hear? You and Hana are divorced, Satria! Realize Satria, I'm your only wife now!"

"Then what? I never promised not to love him either, did I? I'm gonna find him and bring him back with me like I used to." Satria turned around and began to step away without caring for the cry of Desi who called out her name constantly.

***

Satria massaged the base of his nose when he found there was a problem in his company, one of his employees there is corruption in his company. The money lost is not small, about two trillion. Satria was really angry and dizzy.

"Fuck, I want you to find that person and just kill him, a thief doesn't deserve to live" he told his man on the phone, then immediately turned it off. Slammed his cell phone into his desk.

The company he built for years is now in trouble because of corrupt office employees.

"This master is a request for cooperation from company L" the secretary suddenly entered and handed the white envelope to Satria.

Satria grabbed the envelope and she finally decided to cooperate. Because if he stays silent then this company will soon go bankrupt.

"Please book a ticket to London for tomorrow morning." Satria asked her secretary. Then the 27-year-old man was immediately let out of Satria's room.

Satria opened her desk drawer, took a photo she had kept there. Rubbing it gently with a pushy look." I should how? I realized too late, I missed you, Hana."

"I'm late, right? I'm too much of an asshole to ask you to come back to me, I don't know myself at all. When I have hurt you many times and now I beg you to come back, God must be laughing mocking me at this moment."

Satria chuckled, rubbed the photo gently and kissed it afterwards keeping it back.