Not I'm the Choice
8

What does love mean in the life of Satria? The answer is, Desi! And what Hana means in the life of Satria. So, there is no answer to that because Satria was confused, Hana what exactly. In his mind Hana is the destroyer of his relationship with Desi, Satria is always uncomfortable with Hana's presence, always wanting to hurt and get rid of her.

Until accidentally while drunk Satria touches Hana and produces results, Amel. He takes responsibility and marries Hana. Satria never thought that her marriage would come this far, she thought she was over and Hana would give up, in fact she didn't. Hana is still strong even though she has hurt him many times, both physically and mentally.

Satria destroys all hope of Hana, Satria hates Hana. But also he was always worried at the right time, sometimes Satria always imagined that face. The face that was crying because he was beating, that fragile body that was curled up on the cold floor with wounds that adorned his body.

Has Satria ever felt guilty? The answer is, Yes! But always brushed aside Satria. Satria did not want to feel that feeling to the person who thought it was a pest, but also the feeling more often appeared after he did violence to Hana.

Satria knew Hana was holding back the pain because of it, Satria knew Hana was always moaning in pain every night due to the injury. Satria also often caught Hana who was crying alone, she knew Hana was hurt by it but Satria chose to be indifferent and focus on her stance.

The hatred grew even greater when his son-in-law from Desi had to die before seeing the world and Satria thought that Hana was the cause, although he knew it was not Hana who was wrong but anger enveloped him.

For years until Amel began to be a teenager, Satria never thought that Amel son who used to be close to his mother now began to hate him, Amel hated Hana for whatever reason. At that time Satria caught Amel who was shouting angrily at Hana, but all she did was smile.

Why is Hana just smiling? Why didn't he give up? Even after the many wounds she had felt yet Hana was still able to smile.

And now the smiling man was lying weakly in his room, sick. The doctor examined her and said that Hana was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and that Hana was hurt too deeply.

"Do you think I did it because I care about you?" Satria began to speak up after Hana started to wake up.

"Huh?"

Satria smiled cynically, "Don't big head first, I did it because of Desi. Never once in my brain to care about you, no use and just a waste of time, I even wish you were dead last night."

"You want me to die?"

"Yes! Just die, die and leave me as far away as possible because the world doesn't need a lame man like you! Humans are useless which is just the trash of society. You've been a bitch in my life, all those years I've held her back because of mom. If divorce can't, then I hope you die so that I can live quietly with my wife and children without trash like you."

Falling in love can never choose, God chooses. We are just victims, disappointment is the consequence, happiness is a bonus.

This is not a love drama story where the main cast will end up happy and dance on a floor filled with flowers, watched by hundreds of people watching the magnitude of their love. Nah! This is wrong, this love only arises from the side, so he must also be able to feel the pain.

Hana was silent for a few seconds before finally smiling. "I'm sorry if I'm just being a prankster in your life. I'm sorry if I ruined your relationship with Desi. I'm sorry if I made you guys uncomfortable with my whereabouts, but it's me. Hana, I can't back down, I only have Amel, my son. My life and my universe, I can't die if I have Amel."

"So sorry, Satria. Your request I postpone it first." he continued with an adorning smile.

Satria became hateful with that smile, the smile would be full of wounds.

"Cinting!" after that, Satria chose to leave Hana.

***

In Hana's life, she had promised that she would marry once in her lifetime. However, what marriage did he get at the moment? The marriage that even Hana felt as if she had never been a wife, was not what she had imagined, which was why Hana did not want to hope anymore because she did not want to be disappointed for the umpteenth time.

"Hana!"

Hana who was cleaning the front yard of the house was shocked when she heard the yell from the person she knew so well.

"Fanny, I miss you so much."

"I miss you the same." Fanny cupped both of Hana's cheeks, "Yes pardon, Hana. Where's my favorite chubby cheek? Why are your cheeks and body thin like this? Didn't your man give you a good meal?" asked Fanny dramatically, she deliberately glanced at Satria sharply who was sitting in the gazebo with Desi.

"Aah, not Fanny. I'm just dieting."

Hearing that, Fanny clucked in annoyance.

"What is the diet for? You're already beautiful and sweet without a diet, unlike that skinny guy who's sitting down, it looks like your ungodly husband is blind." Hana grimaced slightly, as Fanny blatantly insinuated Satria and Desi.

"Geez my eyes it's like I'm going to have a cataract looking at that disgusting scene, heh, you!"

Satria turned with her raised eyebrows. "Hum, me?"

"Yes who else are you, and you're skinny too!" Desi was startled as she was summoned like that by an unknown person.

"Stop doing that, you know it's disgusting to make me throw up. I don't know what Satria saw from a woman like you, skinny like this, pretty, not."

"Take care of your words, Fanny!" angry Satria when Fanny has passed.

"Ups.... Sorry." covered his mouth with his hands playfully.

"You're jealous of me, aren't you? You were thin, you dared to call me skinny." Hearing Desi's words just now, making

Fanny laughed out loud.

"For what envy of prostitutes.... Oops."

"FANNY!"

Hana immediately pulls Fanny's hand, takes her away before Satria goes on a rampage and does something rude to her best friend.

"God, Hana. I'm innocent, I just let go a little bit earlier."

Hana was twitching her forehead which was suddenly struck with dizziness. "Give up, I'm tired. Ohiya how have you been during Japan?"

"Yes that way, I built the business and yahh. Now that I'm trying to take a vacation and meet you here, I'm shocked to find out this fact, I'm also angry at you for staying quiet, but I'm more disappointed in your husband who hurt you this deep."

"It's okay, Fanny. I'm fine, I'm used to everything."

Sighing, Fanny held onto both of Hana's shoulders. "God doesn't ask you to continue being a strong person, being destroyed once in a while is natural. We humans who have their own power limits, God knows that humans always assume what they think is true is not entirely true according to God. Nonsense people do not need to be in ladenin, just think of the passing wind that hits you to continue the life lessons that still need yourself to continue."

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