Not Struggled (R4)
°BDJ 49 : IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
°BDJ 49 : IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
“They all go to Lou?”
Nata who had just returned asked the son. When he returned, there was no one here but his son alone. The patient's bed, which was occupied by a former lover in the past, is now empty and has been restored. Nata did go long enough to find her husband and son food to fill the stomach. When he was about to return, Lucas suddenly asked to buy ice grean green tea. So he had to obey the request of his youngest son. Lucas is currently with the appa in the hospital park to spend the ice cream green tea they buy.
“Go,” replied the son.
“Go?” confused Nata who is opening some Tupperware contains warm white rice and side dishes.
Nata did have time to contact a housekeeper at his home to cook some food menu, then sent to the hospital. Nata is sad to see Louis who seems reluctant to swallow hospital food that certainly tastes not according to the taste of the son. Though the food at the hospital where Louis was treated was quite appetizing with a varied menu. For example salmon with cream sauce, rice or can be replaced with mashed potato, pumpkin soup, and banana cake. There is even a steak menu served to patients.
Household assistant Nata then sent chikuwa shirataki stir fry made from basic ingredients cedea chikuwa mushroom and shirataki flavored with garlic, soy sauce or soy sauce salty, oyster sauce, etc, plus sliced carrots and chives. Served with sesame seed sprinkles to make it more delicious. There are also other side dishes such as chicken yakiniku, creamy mushroom soup, mun tofu seafood, salad, yogurt, fresh fruit pieces, to Lucas' favorite chicken nugget. Looks like the food was open only to Louis, but to the four of them.
“Alea and her parents are home.”
“Go home? How could they go home when her father ...still sick?” lirih Nata at the end of his sentence.
“They may feel uncomfortable,” said Louis, second-guessing.
Nata just kept silent and did not answer. Is that really so? However, at this time Anzar's condition should be a periority. What if the man gets worse from not getting intensive care. Or even….
“Eomma?”
“….”
“Eomma?”
“Ne?!”
Louis looked at the mother with a straight look, inclined to look. “Eomma alright?”
“Iya, of course.” Nata answered with a small smile. “What ....something happened during eomma and appa go?” ask Nata carefully.
“…..”
“Louis?”
“Hm, there is a little problem,” Louis said. “So there were guests who visited.”
“Iya. Then?”
“She is a secretary as well as a close friend of Alea.”
“Oh, okay. Eomma understands. She must have come to see Alea's father, right?” guess Nata. He painstakingly listened to the son's story by moving some of the food menu.
“Not so Eomma.”
“It's not like that? Meaning?”
“He came for me,” Louis said with a look forward. “We ....four have an open relationship.”
“You ....have an open relationship with a secretary and close friend of Alea? And he came here to see you, instead of the father of his best friend?” Nata was unable to cover the shock on his face. What kind of open relationship? Nata knows that the son is not the type of man who will invite contact if he does not have a purpose.
‘Sial, yes. He came to me, not to a friend who trusted him so much,’ Louis replied inwardly.
“Diam means eomma thought of as the answer to the question just now,” Nata said as he looked at the son. “What are you ... have you ever slept with Alea's secretary and close friend?”
“Eomma ...aku ...” Louis' sentence was not completed in uttered, because the man was confused to find the right words to finish his sentence.
“The answer is eomma get.” Instead of asking questions to answer the son, Nata finally sought his own answers to the questions just now. He could see the answer to the question in the eyes of the son.
Nata then took a step to approach Louis. Pulling a chair near the patient's bed, then occupying the chair with a view that can not be separated from the son. He took one of his son's backs.
“Actually eomma purposely gives you with Alea some space, even if there is Alea's parents here. Eomma knew they hated eomma because in the past eomma was so disgusting. Eomma even begged to go back to Alea's father when she was pregnant with you. However, the eomma always hopes that the eomma son who knows nothing is not to blame for the mistakes that eomma used to make. Louis knows nothing. Louis son of eomma had nothing to do with the dark past of eomma.
Therefore, eomma was initially pleased when she saw Louis seeming interested in Alea when he first met. At that time, Eomma also did not know that Alea was the daughter of an ex-lover of eomma. Eomma never thought she would meet her daughter accidentally. Eomma has always been haunted by guilt, because it once destroyed the life of a man who was very eomma loved. Because of Eomma, his life was ruined. He was even briefly banished by his family, for having been disobeying for the sake of eomma.”
“Eomma, can I ask?”
“Ya ..just say it,” replied Nata while trying hard.
While Louis seemed to be trying to make the mother entertained. The man with the gray net painstakingly wiped away the mother's tears. Actions he's never done to another woman out there.
“What sinner like me is so inappropriate for Alea?”
“….”
“What sinner like me will never get a chance to get Alea?”
Nata's cry became more and more so to hear it. He could not answer the son's question, for he realized that there was a wall so high between them. Nata was not sure if Louis would be able to get through the wall.
“Eomma, why not answer?”
“Louis ...my son.….” call Nata shrewd. “Among you and Alea, there is a separation wall that is too high. Eomma only ... not sure if you can get through it or not.”
“I can,” answered Louis. “I can pass it, eomma.”
“It's not as easy as you imagine, Louis. At least if you want to chase Alea, you must improve yourself first. Are you sure you can do that?”
“Louis can.”
“Are you sure? Can you overcome the most prominent differences between you?”
“What difference is it?”
“Confidence,” said Nata while staring at the son. “Even if we are in the same amen, but our beliefs are different, it will be very difficult to overcome. You can see for yourself what kind of a typical Alea? She was a devout girl of the trust she believed in. In the belief that Alea believed also forbade marriage of different beliefs.”
“….”
“Eomma said like this not because eomma wants to break your spirit. But, because eomma already felt and experienced all that.” Nata stroked the back of the son's hand gently, trying to make the son calm down so that he could easily understand. “Their family—the Radityan family has long been known as a devout family of the religion they believe in. As eomma was in a relationship with Alea's father, eomma could feel the obstacles at any moment due to the difference in belief between us. Courtship alone had included a ban in their trust, and Alea's father broke the ban for loving eomma.
We survived five years by courting in secret. However, in the end it becomes a time bomb that can explode at any time. The climax occurs when the eomma comes to Alea's father and persuades him to run away together. At that time, she was determined to do so because she did not want Alea's father to marry another woman. Who would have thought, at that time eomma was pregnant with you. Eomma selfish. Eomma had already betrayed Alea's father, but still selfishly wanted to get Alea's father to eomma.”
“So I was born...”
Nata shook his head. “You did come without a plan, but eomma never regretted your presence. Even though eomma really hates your father, but eomma is also very grateful because your presence is able to make eomma continue to be determined to continue living.”
“Surely eomma life is very difficult because I,” shriveled Louis with a lowered head. He felt a tightness begin to attack the chest cavity. His presence was never expected. He came because of the selfishness of his father. Dog*n man who ruined the mother's life.
“It was difficult, but eomma got through it thanks to you,” Nata replied while touching the son's hair. “Eomma never regrets keeping you. Even though eomma had to lose the man he loved, as well as the career he had hard earned. Eomma never regretted for it.”
“Sorry, eomma.”
For the first time after growing up to be a grown man who had wandered everywhere, Louis cried in front of the eomma. He felt so sorry for being such a brash kid for being so ungrateful. All this time he lived freely, toying with many women, without knowing if he had become like his father—si bajing*n who once destroyed the life of the woman he loved.
All this time Louis did not know if the life that his eomma passed in the past was very steep and winding. Plus his eomma must bury the wounds of the past in order to take care of himself. Therefore, Louis lived arbitrarily without knowing the real struggle that Nata had done since conceiving him.
“Now I have to how, eomma?” asked Louis in a loud voice. His free hand also clenched so tightly, holding back the increasingly powerful claustrophobic attacks. “I have to what?”
“You just need to do what you think is right going forward. Fix yourself, baby. Fix it until you can become ‘layak’ for any woman you will fight.” Nata smiled warmly while carrying the son in a cuddle.
“Eomma's message is one, every good person has a bad past. Every bad person has the best future. You do not need to care about the insults and insults of people out there, because it could someday Louis changed and became better than them.”
✈️✈️
TB
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Sukabumi 27/07/22