Treasure, Throne, Renata
The Story of Rania

07.30 WIB – Modern Market BSD

“ Morning Sister Rania, my order 20 boxes Brownies Tiramisu brought right?”, greet Ms Lily when I just set foot while carrying a bag containing her order Brownies.

“ Morning Ms, bring dong. If anyone wants to order a dropship later, I send using Ojol ya”, I replied while removing the Brownies box one by one.

“ Aih new packaging yes Mbak. Very cool now, definitely more in demand Browniesnya. My son is very cool can also sell healthy cakes rich in gini, not many sell Mbak” tablets, he said while observing the packaging of my new Brownies.

“ Alhamdulillah Ms. Thanks for helping my cake, soon I want to register as an online restaurant partner & catering partner based on web”, I replied.

“ Well, can be more delicious masarinnya. I have only sold for decades in the market, the windfall is there. Especially if you are young and understand technology, should be wider range “.

“ Yes, I am also learning, please love the knowledge yes Ms “.

“ Ready Mbak, keep learning the key. Never be satisfied quickly. I have received 20 Box Brownies Tiramisu, a total of one million three hundred thousand ya”, he said while counting one hundred thousands.

“ Thank God, thank you very much Ms. Later if less I send from home aja ya”, I replied while receiving money from his hands.

“ Ma'am nih, Panda cake for the kids”, he said as he hurriedly put my son's favorite cake into the plastic .

“ Uh no need Miss, I did not buy today”, reject me subtly.

“ Nothing, make kids at home. Let's take”, persuade it.

“ Ouh Cik, later loss if continue to love for free this much for me”, my answer is not good, between having to accept or refuse.

“ Mbak Rania, windfall is like chicken. If we want to get a chicken, then we chase as fast as possible he will definitely run. If we give him rice, he will come alone. Do you understand what I mean?”, he said wisely.

I just fell silent while digesting the meaning of what Miss Lily said just now.

“ By sharing will not make you lose. The more you give, the more fortune you get. The key is sincere and hand over the same That Above”.

“ Goodbye, thank you for letting me know. Good luck continue Cik”, I said while receiving the cake.

I said it while continuing to give thanks in my heart. So cheap has God given me fortune this morning, besides my best-selling brownies, there are good people who always remind me of goodness. This bag of Panda cookies may be priceless, but for my son it's a wonderful thing.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

The House of Peace Calling

“ Morning Ibu Rania. I Tiwi would like to inform you there is a counseling schedule with Mr. Dipta at 14.00 this afternoon ya”, said the assistant.

“ Morning Mbak Tiwi. God willing can Mbak”, I replied.

“ Oya Pak Dipta also asked his two daughters to participate. Said he wanted an assessment for his son”.

“ Waduh, there is also an assessment. My children are shy, I'm not sure they want to tell me if asked questions like Mbak”, I replied worriedly.

“ Nothing by ma'am. Mr. Dipta is used to handling children. Not like a test or interview, later they we invite to play here”.

“ Well Mbak Tiwi, I take the kids later at noon. Thank you for the information”, close me while ending the phone call and hurrying to go home.

13.55 WIB – Peace House

“ Mama, why did we come here?”, asked Kila who was still wearing school uniforms with confusion.

“ Whose house is Ma? Very good house”, continued Kica no less curious.

“ It's home Om Psycholog”, I replied.

“ What psychologist?”, asked Kila.

“ Psychologists are professions, such as Doctor Kak”, I replied accordingly.

“ Oh Doctor. So the Psychologist was Doctor?”.

“ Open, Psychologist is not a Doctor, but he can help us if our feelings are uncomfortable”, I replied in simple language to be easy to understand.

“ So what do we do inside? Injected?”, asked Kica innocently.

“ No dear. Later just to play around. Patience, Mama also do not know inside what will be like”, I replied while calming my children who feel anxious.

Suddenly a sedan car parked right in front of the yard of this house is quite spacious.visible figure of a man in glasses with a white shirt looks out of the car while rushing inside.

“ Hello Rania, sorry I just came”, said when I saw I was sitting in the waiting room.

“ Nothing Mas, I brought the kids today. Sister same Kica Salim used to be the same Om Psycholog”.

Kica and Kila looked timidly greeting the crouching Pradipta while greeting my children warmly.

“ Hello, I'm Om Created. What's your name?”, he asked the firstborn.

“ Aquilla Salsabila Om”, replied Kila while kissing her hand.

“ Keisya Almira “, Kica said while blushing.

“ Wow her name is so beautiful. Aquila and Keisya follow Om yuk, we play behind”, take him while herding my son. Kica looks shy and hides behind my body.

Pradipta took us to a garden terrace that was so beautiful. There are two swings, a slide and a planks beside the fish pond. In the corner of the terrace there are colorful shelves containing various educational toys arranged neatly. What caught my attention the most was the picture of the graffiti hand-charted children neatly displayed on the wall.

“ Tiwi, please accompany Aquilla and Keisya for a moment, I would like to explain the journal method to Ms. Rania”, her order to Tiwi, while I walk following Pradipta to her study.

This quiet and fragrant room of lavender flowers has become my favorite place. It felt calm to be here while expressing the grievances I experienced. While sitting at his desk, I noticed the man's movements. Every thing he does is always calm and cautious, different from me who is sometimes careless.

“ Rania, how are you?”, he asked with a warm smile looking at me.

“ Good Mas “, I replied spontaneously.

“ Are you sure you're okay? I am happy if it is okay”, he replied.

“ Not good actually, but I can not complain kan”.

“ Rania, It’s okay to be not okay. If you feel bad, accept it. Not having to force all things is good, because you are so torturing yourself”.

“ It's okay, I want to help you to learn to write a journal. Journal is one of the therapies to get rid of accumulated thoughts that have been rooted in us, by writing we can remove the toxins that are in the mind”, by writing, he said while giving an empty book and a pen to my face.

“ First, make the Morning Journal, the journal that you fill in in the morning. It can be about expectations, stories or lists that you will do. Second, make a Gratitude Journal, write down your gratitude to anyone. This journal will train you to think positive, not easy indeed. Slowly enjoy the process of learningmu”, he said.

“ I have to start when to write Mas journal?”, asku.

“ I want to read your journal today. For a long time not hearing your story, while waiting for you to write, I want to observe Aquila and Keisya. Happy writing while accompanied by my favorite song”, he said while turning on the audio next to his laptop.

The room was still quiet, I was still silent as I held an empty pen and book in front of me. Trying to write something but my brain is dead.

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

I heard a familiar song in my ear. I used to hum this song a lot, but somehow this time the lyrics felt so deep piercing. Slowly my finger began to write a scratch on the paper.

Rayendra.

Howareyou? What the hell are you doing? Did you know that kids miss you?

When the tears come streaming down your face

'Cause you lost something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

What could it be worth?

I hurt Ray, so did Kila and Kica. Do you know how many times I have to pretend to hold on to the cry in front of them? When you left and never cared about us again.

Lights will guide you home

Ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

But I will not be strong because I am strong. I'm strong because I'm happy for you. Forgive me for all my imperfections. I'm sorry I can't be the one you want. Forgive me for inciting disappointment in your heart.

But high up above or down below

When you are too in love to let it show

Oh but if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Forgive us for loving you too much. Expect too much of yourself, but you are also human. When your burdens are so heavy, you will no longer have the power to resist. When you're tired, you have to let us all go. I studied hard Ray. I began to realize, all I needed was God right now.

Lights will guide you home

Ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Thank you Ray, you have taught me the meaning of love. When I fell in love with you, God rebuked me to remember Him. When I relied too much on you, I now realized that I could be independent, not need anyone else to stand alone.

Tears streaming down your face

I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes

oh and the tears streaming down your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

Ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Fix You - Coldplay

I promised myself from now on to learn from all my mistakes. To be a strong woman to our three angels. To learn what it means to let go, to learn how to give.

Greetings, greetings,

Rania & 3K

I didn't realize my tears were flowing and dripping with the journal I was writing. My tears broke as all my heart gushed. But this heart is relieved to be, it feels like it is detached from the shackles of anger and resentment that have been binding me.

“ Please take the knife Rania”, said Pradipta who suddenly stood behind me while carrying a box of tissues and a cup of tea for me. My reflex took a tissue and wiped my eyes in shame.

“ Is better now? There is difficulty writing a journal?”, he asked with a smile and placed a teacup in front of me.

“ No Mas, it feels more relieved now “, I replied while busy wiping my eyes.

“ Thank goodness. I just talked to the kids, they were so fun. There are some points that concern me. In essence they are confused because his father never returned home”, he said.

“ I should how Mas? It was heartless to tell the truth to a child of that age. I'm afraid Mas”.

“ Tell me honestly Rania, they must be disappointed once they know the truth. But this is the phase they have to face, lest they feel they have been lied to by their own mother”.

“ Good Mas, I try to dare to tell them the truth. Hopefully they can break the inner wounds they have felt”.

“ Right Rania, remember the inner wound was inherited. Immediately break his chain eyes by learning to clench. Let go of something that you have been holding tightly, maybe God will replace it with a better one for you”.

My heart warms to hear every word he said, glaring at his shady eyes that always calm the soul. There came a courage to treat the calamity of Kila and Kica, and a new strength to sustain all of us. Yes, I have taken Rayendra from our lives, for we are being saved. The love and care of the people around me was able to treat the pain he inflicted on us all along.