Under The Rain's
Chapter 19—Between Him and Herself

The atmosphere of breakfast that always feels bland at the dining table Rafael does not necessarily make it go away and choose to fill the stomach outside. It's nothing, the man is quite calculated with his income that is not much. So, it is also a pity if every day he has to reach into the wallet to buy breakfast outside. So, even though Nadia only provides eggs or nuggets, she will still devour it until it runs out.

Like that morning, Nadia woke up very late and only had instant noodles available in the kitchen. Rafael did not protest. He brewed it himself while his wife was somehow doing what in the bathroom. Rather than insistent on telling him to hurry and end up fighting, Rafael chose to go down himself to the kitchen so that he would not be late to take Kaia.

Finally, after the melee of cooking and helping Kaia prepare her lunchbox, Rafael was able to enjoy her morning breakfast in peace. At that time, Nadia came out of the bathroom and joined the dining table. Every morning, the woman would just drink a smoothie to maintain her body shape.

“Nad, first time pregnant Kaia, how does it feel?” The question suddenly slid from Rafael's mouth. Breaking the silence previously created between the three of them.

“Tumben, name? After eight years, you just asked now?” nadia replied with a quip. “What's up, nih?”

Nadia would probably be plagued with absurd questions if Kaia wasn't eating with them. Maybe he will throw controversial things like whether Rafael was impregnating others at that time. Fortunately, his intentions were clouded when he glanced at Kaia.

“Nothing. Want to know aja.”

“Pregnant is heavy, you know, in addition to physical problems like nausea, vomiting and swelling, there are hormonal changes as well. A lot of people are depressed, you know! Hence, I am spoiled very much with you, ‘kan? Absolutely cannot be left.”

In fact, Nadia only gives normal answers about natural things experienced by women who are pregnant. However, at that time the answer was like stabbing Rafael's heart, because he immediately remembered Reva.

Nadia who was sipping her smoothie then told in detail about what emotional conditions she experienced while pregnant with Kaia. About his swing mood, his hips that felt uncomfortable all day, heartburn, until finally he experienced baby blues syndrome severe enough that Rafael was forced to leave college at that time.

“That, El, really heavy anyway. I'm not happy if I have to do it without you, Mama, Papa equally Teteh. It won't be strong for sure. Fortunately, I have a good support system. Kasian, deh, girls who have no one.”

“Lucky you, Nad.”

“Moreover, we were only twenty years old. Still a big boy, right? Still emotional and don't know anything. I'm up to severe stress, even though my parents are always present.”

“I'm so grateful, you're the same Kaia not okay, Nad.”

“Thankful, anyway, but you never paid attention to me.”

“Nad, I'm always at home, you know, as long as you give Kaia ASI exclusive. I got one smester leave, ‘kan?”

“Iya, but it's for Kaia, not for me!”

“Yes, same time, Nad. I want to help you, eat it I hold Kaia.”

“But you never want to talk to me! Sharing what cake, it.”

“Every time I talk you never payin, you know, Nad.”

“Heran, deh, your feelings are equal Reva dozens of years! What were you doing all that time? Mutual vent, ‘kan?”

“Kok, so take Reva with you? Nothing to do with him, Nad.”

“That's because Reva isn't a little judgmental. No tantrums. He wants to hide and understand! Not like you!”

“You want me to be with him, El? Didn't you hear me wrong? Seriously you say that?”

“Eh .. You, you know, who originally brought him. You started, ‘kan?”

“Can you, yes, bear him in front of Kaia! Your outrageousness, ih!”

Kaia who was looking down deeply caught Rafael's attention. Eventually, he hastily stopped himself from arguing with Nadia further, although growling still felt in the chest. Disputes starting from such small problems have appeared too often in their households. And the longer, the more it made his relationship with Nadia become tenuous.

Sometimes, Rafael himself felt uncomfortable because many of his feud with Nadia was witnessed directly by Kaia. He knew that such conditions were not good for a child of Kaia's age to consume. And he realized that it would affect his psychological development. However, whenever he asked his wife to speak, there was always an inevitable argument. Everywhere and every time, even in front of Kaia, there was always something that made her angry. Looks like he really can't go wrong. Therefore, he severely limited his interaction with Nadia. He became much more reserved and kept much of his own problems.

Rafael never thought he would be like that. From children to teenagers, whatever shred of grief in his heart he always bestows on Reva. Once, Rafael called Reva at 02:00 in the morning. Disturbs the girl's night sleep just because she feels that she has just seen a meteor in space! He said it wasn't like a star. It moved quickly, but did not look like a plane either. Rafael was very sure that it was a meteor, and with great zeal, he told Reva.

Reva was never angry, however much Rafael disturbed and troubled him. He also never judged when Rafael thought beyond natural things. He patiently listened to the young man tell a story on the phone despite having to endure the drowsiness. A meteor? Did ya? Reva wasn't sure. But if Rafael insists like that, he ends up believing it.

“EL! Dreaming again, ‘kan, you? Think Reva, ‘kan?”

“Ah .. already, already. It always is how it is. I go first.”

“Tuh, ‘kan, dodge!”

“Let's Kaia be late.”

Rafael immediately got up and made sure that there were no items left in Kaia's sequin bag, before the boy left for school. He does not believe in Nadia for such business, because the matter of hats and ties only Nadia often forgets it.

***

Along the way to his office, Rafael really did not focus on driving. Several times he almost grazed other riders. He was late pulling the gas at the green light, and even he almost hit a roadblock. All of that was due to his out-of-place thoughts, drifting into every time frame where he spent his days with Reva.

Last morning when Nadia told me about the problems of her pregnancy, all she saw in her mind was Reva. The more Nadia tells the story, the more pain feels for her, because she continues to imagine how Reva had to go through her pregnancy without her.

There was a sad face when Reva came to see her and told her she was pregnant. It's just that Rafael is too young and selfish to really understand that Reva is really panicking and frustrated. Rafael doesn't want to try to feel the woman's feelings. His focus was somewhere else. And that's Nadia, his mistress.

For nine years, Rafael has been desperately avoiding the problem. He ran as fast as possible so that the guilt did not just haunt him. However, that moment all seemed to unfold before him just like that, without him being able to hide from her again.

For Rafael, nothing was more important than understanding what happened to Reva after he left.

How did Reva's pregnancy take place? Did he drop his contents as I requested? Reva was never seen with a child. Where is the child now?

The questions seemed to tirelessly dance in Rafael's mind. Really, for whatever sake Rafael would stop being a coward and start to face his problems with Reva manly. He will definitely meet her after the woman recovers.