Due to Prohibited CBC
For my children

I screamed out, releasing all the burdens that had now been reduced even though they had not completely disappeared. The pain in the heart was like in a sharp knife pierced through the venom of a poisonous snake, I couldn't say anything other than dripping a clear liquid in the eye rim. My body fell when both legs could not support my weight. 

This time I was devastated, the end of all my struggles turned out to be in vain. All the promises he made were nonsense, his sweet words lulled me. The mistake this time made me feel devastated, it was appropriate that he changed his phone number afraid that I would interfere with his new relationship with another woman.

"Dance, Istighfar Nak ... istighfar!" said the ustadzah who hugged my body tightly, as if understanding the suffering I was experiencing. 

"Why did Angga do this to me? What was my mistake that he glanced at another woman?" I sobbed, nothing was left of the relationship that had been destroyed by the master, the leader of the family who should have resisted the temptation out there. 

I cry blaming myself for not being so dirty making my husband satisfied with one woman, not just me who is suffering, surely in the future my children get slurs from those around him. 

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm doing some drama, it's not like dance." 

I looked at my mother's face flatly as well seriously. "I'm not doing any drama, Mom. Angga's cell phone number is off, I tried to reach him using a new number and ... do you know who picked it up? A beautiful woman is also sexy, I see clearly the face of Mas Angga. God showed his true face when wandering, he was already in a new relationship with another woman." My light that regulates the breath that stings. 

"Maybe his co-worker, you saw it wrong." 

How I explain it, my mother-in-law always doesn't believe what her son does. Even I as a witness also the victim even felt cornered by unclear questions. I who did not serve immediately release the stranglehold of ustadzah, I forgot to leave my two children. 

I ran back to the house of my sleeping mother-of-two, I ignored all the people who had disbanded leaving my mother-in-law alone who held the shame of my actions. 

She kept nagging me for humiliating her son in front of everyone, but it wasn't that I did it by accident. I said what I felt, when my heart was at its lowest point. 

I calmed myself down and just let out tears even though I occasionally dripped, for what I cried over a man who was now having fun with another woman. I just feel stupid to have been treated unfairly, betrayed, and also hurt repeatedly. I can't forgive two things: domestic violence, and betrayal. I hate those two things. 

I want to strengthen myself even though it is quite difficult, I have to stay strong and live my life for the King and Queen, as well as my baby candidates who will soon see the world. I don't know if I'm capable? 

"Why am I crying over that useless man? I gave him no chance to break my trust. I promise to be a strong woman for the sake of my children's lives and their future, I'm used to living independently and I'll do it again."