Gannaya, My Adore
I Want to Apologize To Him.

"I love you too, dear."

Gana's soul trembled, when she heard Mulan giving up longing with her husband on the phone. Gana still holds me Dava who is asleep hugging her chest. Gana's hand had not stopped to gently rub the child's hair in an up and down motion.

Gana commented a smile looking at Mulan. "Great wedding, Mba Mulan. Already have children, still romantic with her husband." lirih Gana.

He sighed softly, throwing away the puffiness in his chest, as he remembered the way of his marriage to Ammar. It is very far compared to Mulan.

"No weight? Let me be here, Gana." said Mulan after she put her dress on the table. Closer to extend both hands, take over holding Dava.

Gana shakes. "That's okay, Mba. I still miss Dava." Gana lowered her head and took a sip of Dava's white, puffed cheek skin.

Muachs. Gana kissed Dava repeatedly. Mulan's face was so happy, when Gana seemed to like Dava so much.

It's been two hours Gana's visit to Mulan's new home. Until lunch here. Mulan's house does still look empty of stuff. Not yet filled perfectly, behind it there are still some artisans who are working to clean up their home building.

In this house there are no photos on display, so Gana does not know that Mahendra is the husband of Mulan and father of Dava.

Mulan asks to buy a new house. He does not want to live in a house made of illegal money. He wanted Mahendra to finance them and start a business with halal money.

"May make it, let Dava have the theme." Mulan seduces.

Gana chuckles. "Yes make children easy, rich make eggs roll."

The two women again laughed in laughter.

"You're so friendly with your husband, what recipe? To dong." asked Gana.

Mulan smiled funny. He leaned back on the back of the sofa, while displacing black hair that was so beautifully unraveled.

"If you can be honest. It's a miracle, Gana." The lightning on Mulan's face looks sparkling.

"Miracle?" Gana.

"Hit ..." Mulan nodded. He tilted his seat so that he could see Gana's face clearly.

Mulan rubbed Dava's body to make her feel better. "I could love my husband when Dava was two years old. With a marriage that has turned six years old. Three years I felt myself empty in marriage until I conceived Dava."

Feeling fit with the problem he was carrying, Gana focused on listening. There was a pause from Mulan's words, because she was wiping away the tears that wanted to come down dripping.

Gana stroked the soft base of Mulan's shoulder, to strengthen. "If it's not strong, don't tell, Mba. Maybe it's heavy for you. I was just kidding for that recipe."

Mulan shook her head. "Nothing. I have long wanted to pour out my heart. But don't know who to talk to."

Gana smile. "If you believe me, I'm ready to listen to your outpouring of heart, Mba."

Mulan smiled. "Thank you, Gana. We are both strangers. But after I met you a few times, and until now. I feel close."

"I'm the same, Mba. So have friends."

Mulan smiled again as she welcomed a smile from Gana.

"I was moved, God finally allowed me to live without memories of the past. Apart from the wrong love, and being able to live with a man who is already in my soul mate's rope."

Gana grinned his forehead. Why is the storyline, so similar to her current self?

Adri's memories are still in the shadows until now. Even though his love is empty. But does loving Ammar take years like Mulan?

"You mean Mba, Mba Mulan married her husband without love? Or when you're married you still love someone?"

Mulan nodded. "Two of those things happened to me, Gana."

Gana shook her head in disbelief. "Same exactly like his relationship with Ammar and Adri now."

"It all started with my first love in college. I was still a Maba. I accidentally bumped into his shoulder while he was out of the library room."

"Since that time I have always watched him, stealing glances and following his activities during the campus. I liked it from first sight."

"But at the same time, there was the senate chief who asked me to be his girlfriend, the senate president who is now my husband. My husband is very attached to my first love. They're both the same, my upperclassman."

"Gee ..." Gana widened her eyes, with a gaping mouth.

"My husband is so scared and scared. He's a martial artist, he's rude, I used him at the time." Mulan stared at the corner of the roof, looking back at the past.

"But the feeling cannot be forced. I've tried to like it, still can't. I still remember that guy. I was so impressed with him. He was perfect, already handsome, rich, genius, gracious and diligent in praying to the mushola." Mulan kept praising Ammar.

"I once dared to express my feelings to her. But not reciprocated. I think he already has a girlfriend. But apparently not, if said his close friend. He was still expecting his first love. He was very affectionate and tempted by the woman. Even though he said, the woman never accepted it."

"Then all the women who wanted to approach him, would definitely retreat. Because his attitude is very indifferent." Mulan said with a normal face. There is no more sparkling look when remembering Ammar and his love in the past.

"Until the catastrophe comes. My husband knows that I love that man. Her father Dava beat her all out, was treated indecently, humiliated, his good name dropped in the campus environment. Until my husband paid people to sodomize the man I love, even though his orders didn't work. I'm glad he finally got away."

"Astagfirullahalladzim ..." Gana sighed softly. "But thankfully he managed to escape. Sorry Mba, but Mba's husband, too vile. I also condemn the attitude of the husband, Mba. Until you do something like that. It's gonna be a trauma for him for life, Mba."

Mulan nodded weakly. Her chest is back. He condemned what Mahendra did.

"And impact. I hated my husband. I wanted to leave my husband's life at the time, but I couldn't. Until I live in regret."

"Because of me, he had bad memories during the campus. Eventually he dropped out of college and moved abroad. Since then I've been heartbroken." Mulan put a fist on her chest to scrape the cloth she wanted to wear.

"Did he not seek revenge?" ask Gana.

Mulan shook her head. "He's a very nice guy. He didn't seem to complain about it to his family. If only he had, I'd be sure my husband would have run out in the hands of his extended family."

"I want to apologize to him for my husband's treatment. It all started because of my love for her that I couldn't stand and I destroyed!" Mulan laughed bitterly. "Finally my husband realized, he admitted wrong. Apologizing is also free. The man had gone far away carrying an inner wound."

"Then from that as my apology from afar, I used his name on our son. Dava's. I want Dava, to be like him. Smart man, handsome, rich and kind."

"The guy's name is Dava?"

"I'm used to calling her that." as if Mulan had forgotten the name she had thrown from Gana's lips. Why it could be so similar.

Both of Gana's eyeballs popped. "And your husband agreed?"

Mulan moved her head with a nod.

"As his regret. He realized his attitude had crossed the line. So he agreed. Surely he knew, Brother Dava was a good man."

"Thanks to jealousy, making the man I love, have to bear the burden of a lifetime. His name's ruined on campus, everyone's booing because of my husband."

"I want to apologize to her, Gana."

Mulan's tears are pouring out. It can't be held back anymore. The regret that he had felt for so many years, continued to slice his heart.

"Why not to be sought, Mba? He's alive, isn't he?"

Mulan stopped her sobs. "Still, Gana. We could look for him. After his return to Indonesia. But baby, he turned into a hungry wolf. Wicked, cruel and inhuman. Returned to be my husband's enemy. We want to get closer, but he keeps moving away. Someone's stopped Gana. And the effect is very strong."

Mulan took a breath. There are salivaries that roll a lot. She wanted to say that her husband was just like Ammar. Same bad guys. Who then retreated and took the path of hijrah when their child was sentenced to disease by the Doctor.

Gana's forehead shriveled into several layers of surging. "What does it mean to turn into a bad person, Mba? Too bad." sighed Gana. "I feel sorry for that guy."

Mulan nodded. "I was disappointed when I found out that he was now a ma----"

Bepp bepp bepp

Mulan's voice chanted and diverted. Gawai Gana rings. Making a slumbering Dava then wriggling and crying. Mulan's haste grabbed Dava. "Thank you for the phone first, I'll take Dava to the room."

Gana nodded and reached into her bag.

"Hallo Ammar, what's wrong?" answer Gana. Putting the device in the ear while glancing at Mulan who had just entered the room with Dava who was still crying.

Indeed, what became Gana's curiosity from Mulan's story now is, what makes Mulan can turn away from her first love, then can turn to love her husband. That was what she wanted to ask, but Mulan seemed to drift away and swim back in nostalgia in the past.

****

Kasian was the father of Ammar.