Love Me More!
Decisions

⁇ ️ This story contains suicidal content

17 Aug

After I spoke to Mama and Frill, I decided to meet Aqua. After school, I went to his class, which was empty where the students were busy or went straight home, at the door I saw Aqua being with the red-haired girl who was none other than her boyfriend.

My steps stopped and Aqua realized my existence while the girl turned her back to me so that she did not know my arrival, Aqua looked at me for a moment and then she kissed the girl in front of me.

My eyes were round looking at that, the pain was stabbing my heart, I held my breath, I grabbed my own hands, my throat was hurting, my vision was suddenly blurry and before my tears fell, I decided to turn around and walk away from here.

I rubbed my cheek a few times, my steps accelerated, I knew Aqua was doing this because I wanted to get hurt, until I stopped at the locker and put my bag in there. I'll leave everything.

The afternoon sun began to set, the orange twilight sky with a breeze that hit me when I came out of school made me realize that this beauty is only temporary and will be replaced by other beauties.

"Sailor." I muttered as I watched this school environment for the last time.

Was the decision I made right? Who knows? Who decides whether it is right or wrong?

Now that I feel myself empty, I feel free, I feel, actually what do I feel, hurt? Tired up? Be happy? Afraid? I want to give it up and end it today.

I went to Aishi Lake where I should have died first, my life should have ended there. Until there the sun has set. Animal voices fill the silence of the night here. I honestly still think about what I should do? I'm afraid actually, in the end I just sat there for hours. Actually I wanted to tell Aqua about that past where she saved me. Where her little self risked her life for me. But those mere flashbacks meant nothing to him. I knew that he would regret saving me which ultimately cost him his life.

I walked closer to Tori who was there turned out to be the moon shining bright tonight, did he support my decision. Kamisama I beg you to forgive me, father, how does it feel there? Was fun? Am I going to meet you? Or am I going to be a ghost? I was just lamenting the moon, my mind drifting where. For a moment I doubted my decision, I feared death, I feared facing my trauma. It's crazy for the reason my love can be this close, I chuckle for a moment with my behavior.

I took a deep breath and walked to the dock there, where I used to see fish that appeared until they fell and drowned.

"Huh? I never thought I'd end up in this place again." I chuckled. Then my smile suddenly disappeared replaced with fear. "I'm scared, please stop me." Now that I was pushed by thanatos to the brink of death, my hands were cold, unimaginable I had to go into that water again.

To calm myself I walked back and forth, to the point."Let's get everything done now." Out of fear of my pain, having prepared medicine in my pocket, dope where I would faint so unconscious so as not to be afraid to drown. And maybe realize I'm already in another world.

I take the drug out, then take it, the effect will happen in 3 minutes. I looked at the calm water.

"Aquakun fulfilled your promise that you will love me now, who now will die" I said softly. I wish you were tormented after I left, I asked, why do I wish I was like that when I love her.

At that moment I realized."Aquakun I hate you."

And yes after that my vision began to be equally faint, my body was squeezing and I felt the coldness of the water that was soaking up my entire body. After that I don't remember anything.

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