Mr Love Love
Her name is Reem

I was fixated, I was mute, I was shocked and I felt uncomfortable too. I felt all of that at the same time. I tried to bravely stare at Sabina's shady netra. No matter how hard I tried to stare at that innocent face, her martyrdom was as if urging me to give an answer immediately. The answer to whether there was a special woman in my heart.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, do you really want it? I mean want to know if there's a special girl in my heart first?"

Sabina was silent, but her head nodded perfectly. My body felt weak to see his expression.

I fear. I was so scared I couldn't control my feelings. I'm afraid after tonight Sabina will start hating me. I was also afraid that after tonight Sabina would look at me with disgust.

Before opening my voice I ventured to hug Sabina. Feelings of love, haru, happiness and whatever else his name gathered into one in my heart.

"Don't look at me with a look of disdain after this! Seeing you hate me is so much scarier than losing my life." I whispered in Sabina's ear, no movement whatsoever from her. But one thing is for sure, his chest was pounding very hard. Either he couldn't wait to hear my explanation immediately or instead he wanted to stop me. I didn't know that and I couldn't guess Sabina's way of thinking either.

"It all started at the University of Oxford, where I still majored in medicine. I study hard because I don't like being second.

One day my German friend invited me to a party, a party between a man and a woman. Surely you can guess what happens next?"

My chest was pounding even louder, every hurup I would string into words would turn to me as an enemy. The enemy of my future and the enemy of my happiness. Which woman would be willing to live with a man who has many disabilities like me?

Oh my God, all this tortures me! I murmured in my heart. I really can't stare at Sabina anymore, I'm talking while ducking.

"I can't guess anything! I'm not that smart!" Reply Sabina with a firm voice.

"There I drank alcohol, and I accidentally abused a woman. I mean, I just kissed her."

"This is the reason why alcoholic beverages are prohibited, someone who was previously good could have committed criminal acts when affected by illegal drinks. I hate drunks." Sabina said.

I finally saw a flash of anger in Sabina's shady netra. And in that silence I was one of them. I'm in the drunk category, and he's a big fan of it.

"Two months passed, and at the same college I met the girl again. We were in different majors, I took medicine and she majored in Law.

When we met for the second time, I thought he wouldn't recognize me, I was wrong. He knows me very well. The more our days get closer, and in that closeness we start to get in a relationship." I fell silent again, staring into Sabina's eyes. In her silence I knew she was starting to get upset. Despite knowing that, I continued my story, I wanted to end it all here, and of course quickly.

"During my relationship with him I never crossed any boundaries. Until one day...."

Glekkk!

I swallowed the saliva, my throat suddenly dried up. I don't think I want to talk anymore.

"Why silence? Did Mas Araf dare to cross that line this time? Limits that unmarried men and women shouldn't cross?" Sabina asked while holding both my arms.

There was no reply from me other than my tears that kept dripping like raindrops in the spring. Again I tried to dare to look at Sabina.

Sabina didn't say anything, but I knew she was very disappointed. And bad I can't comfort him.

"I never teased the woman, but many times she tried to tease me. Not infrequently he barged into the house I occupied without my permission.

Many times he also used the invisibility clothes in front of me, no matter how hard he tried then as strong as that I rejected him.

Sabina who was sitting near me looked weak, even her entire body seemed to start shaking. For him I am first, although he is not first in my heart but one that is certain, for me he is the best of all.

"Two months after that event I always avoided the girl, I didn't dare to meet her and I didn't dare to look her in the face either.

For the woman, doing such a relationship outside the country is just normal. But for me? That is a disaster. I didn't even dare to look at my face in the mirror. Until I finally found out that D-I-A...." I felt my chest tightening again, time seemed to stop, my words stuck in my throat, I could not continue my sentence. My tears are dripping back soaking my face does not know my shame.

"D-I-A H-A-M-I-L?" Sabina asked while stroking the chest. Empty look.

Allahs... Don't test me beyond my limits. I won't be able to if Sabina leaves me. I hate the old me and I feel disgusted. I muttered in my heart, while my tears could not stop.

I feel guilty staring at Sabina, a man like me should not deserve it. I don't know what plan God made for me, why would he tie me up with Sabina if I would just leave a wound in the heart of that Heavenly Angel?

My tears are getting broken, the owner of the body is still pecking. His thin lips seemed to shake. I want to scream, I want to curse, who am I going to vent this anger on? Anger of this magnitude made my entire body feel numb. I don't think it's gonna be much better

"Yeahaaa! So you have kids!" Sabina spoke again in a soft voice. He looks like an undead, the confession I made made made a huge shock to his soul.

I want him to yell at me, I want him to slap me too. It felt like getting a rough mockery from Sabina would be much better than her sitting around as she was at this moment.

"I'm sorryfff! I'm sorryfff!" I said on the sidelines of my crying.

Without thinking that Sabina was holding both of my arms, she looked at me with tears. I felt a tremendous pain watching Sabina cry because of me. What rights do I have that I dare to hurt the girl I love so much?

"Where's your son?" Sabina asked without taking her eyes off my face not knowing my embarrassment.

"We don't have any children." Reply slowly.

"The day after I learned about her pregnancy I was shocked. Surprised is incredible. As a sane man I asked him to get married and be responsible." Again, this time I spoke with my head bowed.

"Did he reject you? I think you're a good couple!"

Somehow hearing Sabina's words my chest felt rumbling. I'm afraid she's sorry about marrying me. What should I do if Sabina asks to separate? Just imagining that makes my whole body goosebumps.

"The day after I asked her to marry me, without my permission she aborted her womb. I was so angry, I was so angry. I even pulled her forcibly to the obstetrician, knowing she had completely aborted our child I immediately felt disgusted at her. I was pissed at him and I was sick of him.

I cut ties with him, I don't want to see his face. No matter how much he tried to tempt me again to commit the same sin, I ignored him." My voice was hoarse, how could I hold Sabina to stay by my side if I myself could not hold back my tears from spilling.

"Who's the girl's name?"

This time Sabina asked as she wiped her tears, her voice sounding trembling.

"Brach. Name's Reem!" Honest reply.

We are both silent at the moment. I tried to control my heart and prepare to accept the worst decision Sabina would make. Sabina? He sat down to shift a little away from me, and this was the thing I was most afraid of.

...***...