NUMBNESS
Part 101 Forgive Me ...

Alea was already in a sterile state as she walked in with a special shirt into Bian's room. Her tears shed instantly as she saw Bian lying helplessly on the patient bed. Some medical devices are even still attached to Bian's body.

Bian's head was covered in bandages, as were his hands and feet, as were his other limbs. Bian is still unconscious after surgery.

Alea grabbed Bian's hand, then grasped it slowly, as Alea did not want to hurt Bian.

"Why are you doing this, Bi? Why did you save me and ignore your own safety?" Alea was crying beside Bian.

"You should run with me too, right? It's not just letting yourself go and letting me survive. Were you intentionally? Intentionally so I can get back to you? Don't you feel like you've hurt me enough, Bian?" Alea slapped her face on Bian's hand. He was crying there. Crying while holding the man's hand.

"Why don't you ever stop hurting me, Bian. Why do you always make my heart hurt? Even when I'm happy with her, you still make me cry and hurt." Alea cried while looking at the pale face in front of her. Recollecting as the man pulled his hand then hugged her tightly.

"Let me hold you for a moment, just for a moment. I really miss you ...."

"I just want to hold you for a little while, after this, I promise I won't bother you anymore, Alea."

Bian's words before the accident reverberated in Alea's ears. Making Alea even more pain in his heart.His heart felt squeezed.

Alea was sure, he already did not have any feelings for Bian. However, when he saw Bian risking his life just to save him, it made Alea's heart feel tremendous pain, especially when he saw Bian's state like this. It felt like Alea really could not forgive herself.

Had Bian been deformed after his recovery from this accident, what would he have done? What should he do to redeem Bian's kindness? Should he go back to Bian? And what about Kenzo?

Alea cried even more as she thought about the possibilities that would happen later.

"Are you satisfied now, Bian? Are you satisfied now? To hurt me again and again?"

"Why, Bian? Even when I hate you so much, I still feel the pain in my heart when I see you like this. I'm not really willing to see you like this." Alea looked at Bian's pale-looking face. There were several blisters and bruises around his face.

Alea stroked Bian's face with tears. This man, was the man he had loved for many years. A lie! If Alea didn't feel anything when she got close to him like this.

" I'd rather see you crying and regretting all the things you've done to me. I'd rather see you cry when you see me from your bedroom window. I'd rather see you cry out of regret. Regretting what you did. I'm sorry you killed my son, Bian. Our son ...." Alea cried feeling the pain in her heart.

Alea wrapped her hands around Bian's stomach, then put her finger in between Bian's fingers that felt cold. Alea put her hands together. While his head he rested on Bian's shoulder.

"You said you wanted to hug me, didn't you? Now that I'm hugging you, can you feel it?" Alea was still sobbing.

"Wakeup! You gotta get up. I want you to see that I too can be happy without you. I want you to feel the pain I feel. I want you to know how much it hurts when the person you love loves loves someone else."

"I want you to feel the same pain as I did, just like when you brought Amara home and chose that woman. I want you to feel it, Bian! Awake ... wake up! I beg ...." Alea was still crying. Her tears had now flowed down Bian's clothes. Alea hugged Bian and continued to cry. He has been expressing all his emotions and heart for years.

"I hate you, Bian. I Hate you ... Why are you doing this to me?"

Alea got up, released her embrace. In his face Bian's face was still silent with his eyes closed. This guy doesn't even know that he's crying right now. Crying because of annoyance. Upset, because this man had casually saved her and made himself in a dilemma.

Dilemma because he cannot be continuously beside Bian, because there is a heart that must be guarded. Alea wouldn't have possibly sacrificed Kenzo's feelings just for this man. Blame him, who told him to save his life?

However, the annoyance could not cover up the pain in his heart when he saw for himself how Bian risked his life just to protect him.

"Bian .. I do hate you, but I never expected to see you in this state either. Moreover, your situation like this was caused by me. I can't take it, Bian. How could someone I hate save me?"

"I'm sorry ... Sorry!" Alea's cry returned, Alea hugged Bian again.

"I'm sorry, if it wasn't for me, you would still be fine" Alea whispered in Bian's ear. Then back to crying.

The door opened, a nurse came in and told him that the doctor was coming to check on the patient.

"I'll be out soon, Sister. Thank you." Thank you." Alea got up, she rubbed her tears that kept flowing.

Alea rubbed Bian's cold palms, stroking the man's face. Alea brought her face closer to Bian, then landed her lips on the corner of Bian's injured lip.

"I'm sorry, get up quickly, so I can take care of you until I get well. I promise, I'll stay by your side until you get well. But once you recover, I'll go back to him. I love her as much as I loved you before, maybe even bigger. I don't want to lose him like I lost you."

"When you used to prefer that woman over me, my world was destroyed, Bian. Especially when you trusted the woman's words more, until you continued to torture me and finally I had to lose my son because of you ...." Alea stopped her words, her tears flowing again. The shadow of the past was again present, making his chest feel claustrophobic.

"If it wasn't for that man who saved me, maybe I'd have stayed by now. Had the man not accompanied me when I was devastated by your actions, I might have gone mad by now and ended up in a mental institution."

"The hurt you gave me is so deep, Bian. Until it makes me numb. Numbness, but damn it I still feel pain when I see you like this ...." Alea wiped her tears violently.

"Wakeup! I promise I'll take care of you until you're healed. I don't want to owe you. Because even if you save me, the pain in my heart from what you did will never go away."

Alea brought her face closer to Bian, her tears dripping and falling down Bian's cheeks.

"For ever, you will remain someone I have loved the most, and someone I hate the most, Bian Aditama."

Alea landed her lips long enough on Bian's forehead, then she got up. Alea looked at the nurse who was currently still standing behind her.

"Thank you Sister."

The nurse nodded then escorted Alea out of the room.

Kenzo greeted Alea in front of the door of the room. He stretched his hand out when he saw the woman coming out of Bian's room. Seeing Alea looking not okay, Kenzo immediately carried Alea and brought her to Alea's hospital room. Since Bian was treated, Alea was still staying at the hospital.

While Laras and Aditama just looked at Alea with pity. They both can't say anything. Just keep quiet until Kenzo takes Alea away from the place.

After Alea's departure, several doctors rushed into the room. Laras and Aditama with anxious faces hugged each other. Laras had even cried in Aditama's arms.

They both seem to accept fate. Whatever happens to Bian, they're ready to take it. They won't blame anyone. Let alone blaming Alea. It was Bian himself who made the decision to help the woman and risk his life.

"Bian, may you be well, son," said Laras amid his sobs.

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