Short Stories of Islamic Love
I Avoid Him for His Sakes

“Uncle I will not be dating again for now, I want to set my heart first, fix everything wrong, now I realize that dating is a relationship that never existed in Islam, and I don't want to be misguided again” that's what I said when I was on the phone with Reno, Reno was my closest person, which for sure he wasn't my uncle, not the sister of my mother or father, not my father, he was the uncle of the prophet adam I found when I was in high school. He covers everything, friends, fight buddies, confiding friends, sometimes can be my wise sister, he can be everything I need, but only one, he can not replace the role of my mother, he can not replace the role of my mother, because she couldn't give birth to me like my mother did.



It's possible that my conversation on the phone that invited Reno's friend called me a few months ago. Every spare time Reno always took the time to call me, but strangely I chatted more often with his friend, call it Ali. The male Ali I knew was just his voice without ever meeting even once, but was able to master half my thoughts about him. Every time I see something I will remember him, how could this happen? I grieve with my own heart, even though a single meeting has never been passed, how can I feel to lose her figure, how can you say figure? I don't know what she looks like, what's the right fit for this? I really don't understand either. Now I'm in a dilemma because he suddenly disappeared never contacted me a short message never let alone a phone, very different from a few months ago.

Every morning I start by reading a message from him, not a romantic message but a regular message sent to everyone, somehow I feel special with him

“Assalamu’alaikum Karin”

“good morning”,

a short message from Ali that I always read every time I open my eyes after a night of torpor.

“Wa’alaikumsalam kak”. With a smile emoticon.

“Udah prayer dhuha?” Ask Ali

“Alhamdulilah already”

“How's it going?”

“Iya already dedek”.

If someone else had told me that I wouldn't have returned the message again, it would have been overkill, one of my exes did it and I didn't reply to his message all day without him knowing his mistake to this day, but that's how Ali said it. Karin. Karin. You are so planless without a stand.

Every night Ali called me, an hour seemed to be just a few seconds, not that I didn't know that an hour was 3600 seconds, because Ali and I never ran out of words on the phone, there is always something that makes us laugh every night. Starting from him who was acutely upset because he had just broken up from his girlfriend, instead of feeling sorry for him I was even nosy to him. “thankur aja brother had broken up, so no more sins”. Ali laughed to hear it, he was not angry at all, because we were used to joking every time on the phone. “kan there is a karin that God sent to replace him” continued Ali, I laughed ”we'll see you later” I replied, as if our conversation was so serious, but Ali and I knew that there was no seriousness behind this, because both felt benefited, he said, Ali had a chatmate to drive away the quiet that enveloped her night, and I had a friend to come to terms with statistical formulas that made my night even more foggy.

“Senin, 9 January 2017, I officially became a friend of Mochammad Ali akbar, in accordance with conscience without any coercion at all”

It was the most unexpected thing I did, how Ali didn't challenge me to do it, and I accepted the challenge, the embarrassment was not in my mind at all, there I was happy when laughing with Ali even though only through a mobile phone. Every night I spent chatting with him and it ended with a short message.

“good night Karin, beautiful dreams do not miss big brother, later sister can not sleep, sleep spouts do not have to stay up late I”.

I always laugh when I read this message. That's how Ali can always make me feel he's present at every pounding loti time walking through silent nights.

Me and Ali never met once not because he didn't want to see me, or was afraid to see me, and other reasons, but I always had a thousand reasons to refuse the meeting he offered, he often wanted to come to my boarding house, but I always refused, even Ali ever wanted to go to my house because he would meet his friend in the area where I live, not one village anyway with his friend, he said, but that friend of mine used to go to school with me, and he knows me well. That day I deliberately did not reply to any of his messages, but I offered him to come to see me home, I did not want to meet other than at home with him, since I don't want to repeat the past mistakes of relating to others without the knowledge of the parents, it's possible that if the parents knew, it would be better for me and Ali this time, that's how I thought. Therefore I always refused Ali's offer to meet other than at my house, but I did not keep my words as well, when Ali was ready to come to the house I instead avoided him, the most basic reason for this is that I was afraid to have a special feeling for Ali after meeting, because I did not want to put a man's name in my heart, I do not want to make My Lord jealous of his presence, it has been enough of my mistakes in the past, I do not want to drown in the same mistake for the umpteenth time. I'm not sure Ali was serious about me either, maybe he was just playing me.

But however I tried to avoid that special feeling, it turned out that the feeling was present as time went on. Ali began to stir my thoughts, Ali began to exist in my heart.how could it be? What do I expect from people I don't know who he is? How apparently? His dwelling? All I know is he's just a student at my university. He has already dropped half my resolve. Shaking hijrahku. My struggle went through all my former circumstances.

One word from Ali that made me fly to the seventh heaven, which I cannot forget to this day.

“Today, ana uhibopen fillah” I pretended not to understand when Ali said it,

“what does sis mean?, I asked

“aih... find it yourself if so” replied Ali.

It was obvious that Ali was upset when I didn't answer as he expected, maybe he thought I was joking with him, if he were in my position, how could he possibly accept the presence of someone he did not already know? But maybe our thinking is different. I'm so sorry that now I pretend I don't know what it means, since that day Ali never brought it up again. I was so in a dilemma. Come to think of it, one may not know the meaning of the word. As stupid as someone about Arabic must understand the meaning, the word is so familiar. It all happened, what to regret. Time I can't turn back, turning my clock around the wall I could've done but I can't turn back the time I spent with Ali. Really can't.

All that there is a silver lining at this time, if I answered Ali then maybe now I have established a relationship that I avoid. Thank God I am still guarded by My Lord even though my determination was shaken by Ali before, now I return in my days as usual before Ali was present carrying a rainbow.

THANK YOU Ali for coming to be a test of my beautiful hijrah journey, you will still remember being a friend, even though I do not know your appearance. If God wills then we will surely meet someday, maybe tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or maybe another 40 years when we both already have cute and funny grandchildren. If it is not met as a couple it may be as a working partner or teacher of your children later. We never know when we will meet or indeed God does not predestine us to meet, but I always hope to meet you Ali even if only from a distance.