Short Stories of Islamic Love
Hijrah A Love

With this, I declare that I, Cindai Pramesti or Syindia As-Syifa, am pouring out my love for His more real love of eternity.

(June 17, 2006).

I thought that at first distance and time would not make our relationship problematic. Yeah, the status-less relationship I've had with Bagas for almost six years. In fact, he disappeared without news after saying that he was busy composing the thesis and he also said. I think that time, maybe right too, it's better not to contact first. I was busy with my work and great things. That was, about seven months ago. However, long ago I realized, if it was strange that Bagas did not exist even to give me news. I feel like he's hiding something from me.



A few weeks ago, I was talking to my friend - Madam Nadin - who is on campus with Bagas at the medical school. I asked: Is Bagas close to the girl there? Nadin's mother replied if she heard gossip that Bagas liked the midwifery school boy named Mufaisha. Idol girls in their college because of their beauty and distraction. Mufaisha was an orphan from a simple family and because of his intelligence he got a scholarship to attend college.

After that, I compared Mufaisha to myself. Like iron with diamond. Distant. Obviously, Bagas would choose Mufaisha.

The other news I got was a better Bagas change. Better here is the behavior of Bagas so more pious. I concluded, Bagas changed to be able to be with Mufaisha.

Women are good for good men too, right?

I let out a rough sigh while throwing a pebble in my grasp into the middle of the sea.

I looked at Risma. “Tumben ngajak play to the beach, Ris? Are you not busy? Same permission as Akbar?”

The woman in a wide brown veil revealed her warm smile. “Malah, Akbar mas very excited for ngizinin I came out with you. So that you do not stun, he said” Risma laughed softly.

I stared at Risma sharply. Then next, I found the girl funny.

“I miss you all that refreshing. I want to listen to your curhatan plus give me more advice for you,” continued Risma full of advice and jokes.

Ah, Risma is indeed my best friend who understands best.

Looking at her with that graceful hijab, I thought, when will I catch up with her footsteps? Would Bagas come back to me if I put on the hijab, improving my potent nature and my other vices? Ugh, but for now I have no intention at all to close the aurat.

I approached her and hugged from the side. Then muttered nearby, “you're lucky huh, Ris. Your dream has been realized; have a godly husband and can guide you to reach your paradise.”

“In fact, I thought you were lucky compared to me, Ndai,” said Risma, her hand moved to pat my cheek slowly, slowly her hand moved rubbing my shoulder hair. “When do you want to close aurat? Come, Ndai fought together in the way of God as I. I don't want you to regret another day.”

I snorted little. I walked away from Risma and looked up at the sky. Honestly my eyes are glazed right now. I don't know why there's still a little doubt in my heart.

Risma patted my shoulder from behind. He sighed and said, “you know, Ndai, if closing the letter is required. In the past .. you once told me ‘kan, after you converted to Islam, you will close the aurat, this has been a year passed loh.”

I remember the times when I said the first two sentences of shahada. It felt like His love had infiltrated my bones, shaking my empty soul for years. Filled the emptiness of my orphaned life since childhood. God has filled my heart with His love without me knowing.

I flipped over, facing Risma who was currently looking at me glazed over. “Ak I doubt, Ris. I'm afraid I can't istiqomah.”

Risma recites a verse of Al-Qu’an. I seem to know this verse, this .. letter of Al-Ahzab verse 59. A verse that explains the importance and obligation of veiling for Muslim women.

I directly hit my body on Risma. Hugged it tightly. God, I'm too far from you. I whispered softly near his ear, “I want, emigrate like you Ris but, what ... Allah will accept me? Want to accept my delay in grabbing His pleasure?”

“Do not doubt the greatness of God, Cindai. God is the best place you ask. Allah is also Most Forgiving. As long as you mean it, God willing, God will forgive you and it is never too late for those who truly repent

I looked up at him softly. “Thank you, Ris, you want to be a friend who understands me. Always remind me when I'm wrong.”

Smile on Risma's lips. “Well, so dong. You must commit yourself, if your hijrah is lillahita’ala, sincerely only because of Allah alone. Not for anyone else. Ikhlaskan Bagas Hotel, Ndai. If the soul mate is not going where.”

Risma took out a cloth from inside her bag. When she reached out to me, I found out that it was a pink veil. He came closer and put the veil on me. I smiled holding a veil that now extended long over my stomach.

I stared at Risma steadily. “I will try to make him,” I said with a vibrating voice holding back tears. “With this my choice will not be wrong. I ... will continue my S-2 in Cairo.”

Risma looked at me happily and patted my arm covered in a light brown jacket. I could feel his happiness from his eyes which became the center of his honesty.

A greeting interrupted my conversation with Risma. I turned around and all I found was Bagas and his sister with the smile of that man that I had missed all along. I almost ran towards her to hug her if Risma did not beat her throat aloud to wake me up to reality.

“Waalaikumussalam. Staring at someone of a different kind with orgasm - the feeling of wanting to have - is included in his zina of the eye. Is zina as bad as the road.”

I looked at Risma embarrassedly. Just now I wanted to emigrate but, I've almost made a mistake.

I immediately answered the greeting. My face was raised, looking straight at him. “H–hai!” sweep me stiffly. “How are you?”

Bagas stared at Risma at a glance and then turned to me. His face was very visible if there was anything to talk about. His smile rose stiffly. “Good.”

“Ah! Looks like you two need some time to talk. Seeing Bagas coming along with his sister, I will leave you with him, Ndai. Remember not to do anything weird! You promised me and yourself, remember!” Risma left after giving her a greeting.

I chose to sit on the rocks ‘tak far from where it was and Bagas and his sister followed me.

“There's something I want to talk about. I'm sure, you already know from Mbak Nadin about–”

My lips shook and subconsciously said, “Yes, I already know.”

“Sorry, Ndai,” says Bagas. Head lifted. Shoot far into the sky. “Sorry all this time I've been a coward. Sorry for betraying you. My narrow heart is too afraid to hurt you, Ndai. Tapu, I don't want to be hypocritical, that is, I'm in love with her perversion. Excuse me. I don't expect you to forgive me because I don't deserve to be forgiven. Sorry to disappear when you needed my direction.

“And next week .. I'm getting married. I hope you want to come.”

My eyes glazed over hearing Bagas' words. “It's okay, Gas. I've forgiven you. By the way, congratulations, yes. May you be happy with him. He deserves you. I'm sincere with you,” I said with a stiff smile. “And sorry, I can't come. Don't worry, do’i always accompany your marriage. Do’a me anyway, Gas. So that I can be better than before.”

Is this what it feels like to fall out of the wrong love? God, is this what it feels like to be an outcast? Is this what it feels like to love in the wrong way? Show me, O God, your way! Give me a chance to fall in your arms. Show me what your loved ones say is true love. Eternal without being limited by time. God, I want Your love, allow me to kneel calling Your name among Your love.