The Substitute Woman on the First Night
Final Decision

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In the room, I was just sitting on the edge of the bed. Letting the tears continue to drip without me being able to stand it. I feel the same emptiness as before. A sense of where I was alone, abandoned by Mas Denis, my sister, and also my mother. I don't know what I was thinking, it turns out that I had grasped a nail clipper with a small folding knife. The knife is now firmly attached to my wrist. I was stuck because without me knowing I was going to do this horrible thing. Could it be that this is the end of my life, bringing a child in my womb to go with me leaving a world that has many scars in my heart.

"Goodbye, No. Thank you for giving me so much happiness. I'm sorry because I still can't be honest with you about my past. Although you never asked, I should have told you about the reason why I was no longer a virgin when I married Mas Denis. Now I'll take the fruit of our love away with me." I'm getting sobbing. My hands trembled as I moved the knife I held to slash my wrists. At least, in my mind, this was a way of dying that would not be too painful. I will only feel weak slowly as blood comes out of my wrist. Maybe I used to say stupid things about suicide, but now I understand. They didn't want to do it, but they had no choice. A life that feels broken and painful as if leading them to take this shortcut. Ending life prematurely in order to feel calm without thinking about how it will be. For some people, this reason is stupid. But my mind is dead-end. I really lost hope. There is no longer Delano, the man who has always been my life spirit. I could even see her eyes so unwilling to look at me. He must be disappointed and may be very embarrassed to have to marry a woman who was once the mistress of a married man. Moreover, what I did turned out to have a bad impact on Meisya's content to make her miscarry.

"Hopefully after my departure, Delano will no longer be ashamed of having a wife like me. I'm also sure if a nice guy like Delano, would get a wife who's much more perfect than me." I started to press the small knife that was firmly attached to my wrist, it felt so painful that it caused scratches on the surface of my skin. But I am still sure to do it. "Once again I'm sorry, No." I intentionally said it over and over again. Hoping that after Delano saw the video I had deliberately made for him, he could understand that I was truly sorry for all my mistakes. It was a mistake I made because I didn't dare to tell her the truth about my past. Two years ago, Delano said that he would definitely accept my past, but still, I was afraid to tell him the same thing. Being a mistress is a disgrace so dark in my life. The part I wanted to bury deeply without being noticed by those closest to me. However, it turns out that fate seems to lead Delano to know everything. Right now, he must be devastated, disappointed, and hateful to me. Maybe his departure was just to avoid me or even when Delano came home later, he could have dropped the talaq and ended our marriage.

"Goodbye, No." I finally did that horrible thing. While feeling the pain, I saw my wrist slowly begin to be filled with viscous blood. Not wanting to stain the bed sheet that I had just changed this morning, I got out of bed. Then I laid my body on the floor. The body slowly began to feel weak. Not only did I feel the coldness of the floor I was sleeping on, but the cold was now beginning to penetrate into my body.

A few seconds passed, I was still lying down and preparing to die. Suddenly, I heard the sound of the door opening. The voice faintly sounded in my ear and disappeared along with my consciousness until I could no longer hear anything.

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