Wedding Dust's
25. Nadya Ayunda

...Happy Reading......

...Don't forget his support so that I'm spirit-nulis,...

...Thankyou....

...🌹🌹🌹...

Quite surprised to hear it. Turns out my feelings haven't been clapping one hand? Turns out my feelings aren't just one-sided of mine? Like in a dream, Bagas said that he loved me? I didn't hear wrong, did I?

I looked at him with eyes. Then I bowed my face and hugged her body which I felt was getting stronger. Why did he say it now? At least if I had known for a long time, five years wouldn't have gone like hell for me.

“I love you, Nadya.”

I buried my face deeper into the chest of Bagas' field. Hearing that, my heart grew stifling, but my heart was pounding. I wanted that phrase a long time ago, but kept it alone. Trying to look good as a friend so that Bagas does not leave me. Because he's my only friend. Friends who want to understand me in any way. I am not a child of people, inversely proportional to him who was born from the middle class even in my opinion sufficient.

“If you love me, why do you force Hera to stay among us.”

My question silenced Bagas. He was silent for a long time until his big breath greeted the pores of my scalp.

“Yes. My fault. I should have been the same Hera had ended it all and did not make it all so runyam kayak gini.”

I am still comfortable in my position.

“On child,” Bagas paused his sentence, rubbing my head so slowly that I was very very tired to continue to hear his heavy and deep voice. “I do not want if we present a child, without love. I don't want him to live without being loved by his parents”

I was struck by the words Bagas just now. Then what does it want?

“You often hear that the boy loves a relationship in marriage, right?” i'm nodding. “You know what I mean, don't you, Nad?”

Bagas' gaze was so warm. I obviously know what that word means. She wouldn't want to and let me get pregnant without the love between us. Obviously, that was the reason that made me return to full trust in Bagas.

“Let's fix this relationship. Let's build our marriage that was not really this from the beginning. I want us to be a couple who love each other—”

Bagas was silent for a moment, then returned to his voice. “Wait. Don't you have the same feelings as me, Nad?”

How'this? How should I answer it now?

I squirm small trying to pull myself out of Bagas comfortable embrace. Guilt goes back to greeting one side of me. One shackled name, Hansel. I feel comfortable with that guy's husband. I know I'm wrong, but I can't deny it, if I need him as a person who understands and can listen to my grievances.

“Give me time.”

Bagas was silent. She looked at me flat as I completely moved away from her and took a sleeping position to her back.

“How long?” he asked, rousing me from the shackles of guilt.

“Au—”

“Not a problem. I will wait until you say it, Nad.” continued cutting off my words that want to give a little understanding so that he would accept my situation. “About your feelings for me.”

***

It's a Sunday. After last night I could not sleep well because I was still thinking about my conversation with Bagas who wanted to improve my marriage, this morning I was still a wife who had to fulfill my obligations.

I got up and glanced at the wall clock. It's still half five in the morning. Outside it was still dark, and the voice of the Adhan still reverberated to bring the servants to begin the day with the obligation as a people by surrendering in prostration and do'a. I am too.

After that, I changed my nightgown with a loose negligee and prepared for Ari's tea place for shopping. Bagas didn't ask for something to be cooked, so I was free to specify the menu today.

After taking the wallet out of the drawer in the closet, I grabbed my jeans and put on it while walking out of the room.

“Hoaaam..

That, Bagas' voice evaporated. Maybe he'll wake up distracted when I open the drawer and closet door.

“You shop, Nad?” asked Bagas in a hoarse deep voice after wriggling secured his body.

“Eumm. What do you want to make?” many ensure.

I sighed, lowered my shoulders and grabbed the door handle to exit towards the living room while waiting for Bagas to wash his face.

Ah, this is Bagas' first moment with me shopping. I'm thumping.

***

We both walk with bare feet—That's the wish of Bagas—on the sometimes pebbled asphalt. He said, good for reflection, relaxation and can also launch blood circulation to several points of the body. Unlike her who is usually dressed formally, this morning Bagas wore a home clothes that seemed relaxed and fit on his body. It was upsetting too because many were glancing.

Bagas is handsome, really. He also easily mingles with the surroundings and makes others feel happy to be by his side. Me included.

“Why do people see me anyway? Is something wrong with me, Nad? Or, my eyes have the belek?” he hummed it while pulling me forcibly to stop and pay attention to his face.

I laughed, shook my head at his funny words. “Ngak. You are human in general. Just like them too. Your eyes are also not covered.”

“Keep why they saw me like that. Tuh, the mothers also.” asked with a face like to cry and panic when pointing with the chin of mothers across the road who were looking at him.

I put my shoulders down. Resist some uncomfortable feelings when you find the fact that Bagas is indeed interesting in the eyes of others. “Like the same you times.” I replied as long as I was a little annoyed, because after that I put my lips together and accelerated until Bagas was left a few meters behind while calling my name that I did not care.

Arriving at Ari tea place, Bagas is still a concern of mothers. My cow to the heat heard the whisper of praising my husband's good looks.

“Tumben his brother is coming, neng?” tanya Teh Ari pointed to Bagas who was sitting on the sidewalk of the road, to slightly attract the attention of the mother who was gossiping and stealing glances towards Bagas.

“Thong tau tea. Suddenly maksa follow.”

“Fear of his wife glimpsed by a certain person.”

I laughed and nodded in my heart. If that were true, Bagas would have done it long ago, tea. Unfortunately no.

“Nengnya right excessive sakepnya oruh.” he continued with Sundanese dialect that is still thick despite having settled in Jakarta for more than twenty years.

Yep. But the bad thing is, my husband prefers it with other people, tea.

“Tethe redundant ih.”

“Ngak. You guys fit. Waiting for the baby to launch. Curious you know, a tase and a write what your child will be.”

Mournfully. I endured the painful sting that attacked me. I'm holding back my emotions because of who Ari's tea talks to.

“Ya, please do'a ya Tea, moga cepet no.” said I do not want to lose. Just to cover up the discomfort in me from hearing that sentence again, and again.

“Amin.”

***

I'm busy making raw beef in the kitchen. While Bagas, has completed the task of washing clothes and is now drying in the backyard of the house.

Activities that we hadn't done together for a long time and this made me feel awkward with a little hue in the face when we recalled the momentum of our togetherness.

Never again, Nadya.

Bagas said at the time, when Hendra—playboy class snapper at school— approached me. I still remember very well when he put on his body with his angry expression when the female disciples tried to nod. He has also helped me in many ways, including studying at home because my math scores are so bad.

Unknowingly, I was dissolved in a past daydream that made me first fall in love with a man who is now my life companion, Bagas.

“Udah, Nad. I'm gonna take a shower first. After that we have breakfast and cus walk.” he said in one breath. I nodded and opened the lid of the magic com, stirring the cooked rice evenly.

We plan to go to one of the beaches close to Jakarta. We want to release the fatigue and burden that has been struggling on the shoulders and tightening the chest.

I hope, our steps to improve the relationship, will go well without obstacles and burdensome temptations. It ended beautifully for both of us.

However, when the joy of saying a wish in a do'a managed to calm me completely, one message sent Hansel made me fall back into a pit of regret and disappointment that was so painful.

Mr Hansel: Where else? Why didn't you return my message last night, hm? []

^^^to be continued.^^^