You Don't Consider Me
11. GO AWAY

I cried as – so while pulling two suitcases in front of the house, really heart of this family member. Not that now we should join hands and strengthen each other but what I get now, is only disappointment and betrayal.

“Where are you Nak?” Ask my grandmother who came out because she heard the commotion.

I looked at my Grandma's old face and it was full of wrinkles all over her body. “Go from here because my presence is not expected. Only Mom loves and cares about me.” I answered him while this hand was busy raising the suitcase on a motorcycle.

Motorcycle memories, which I remember once that this was bought by my mother to make myself easy for mobility work while out of town. “Bu, I miss Mom. Why is everything like this? Our family is falling apart now.” I said in my heart, riding a motorcycle out of the house.

I walked over to the confused Grandma from now on and kept looking at me. “Nek, there is no hate in my heart to Grandma. Lianah loves Grandma but if my departure is the best thing Lianah can do, then I will. Take care of Grandma well – well, please take care of Sister and Father as well. Lianah.” I sat up with Grandma who was crying because of my departure.

“Bik, thank you for being there for me and my family. Titip Sister, Grandma and Father, I can not say what – what else. If this is really my big family's decision, I can't do much. May you all always be healthy and in the protection of Allah.” My words to Bibik Ninih who cried let go of me.

Bibik Ninih hugged me while saying. “This is only a temporary Deck, after this you come back here again. We all love you.”

My heart hurts more to hear it because I think personally only Mothers love me, if they really – really love me. There will be no word for me to leave the house even if only for a while, all problems should be solved together – the same and not like this.

Kunaiki my motorcycle while crying as – becomes on it. A breeze – sepoi about my whole body as if knowing how sadness I experienced.

Then the tares and crowds on the highway are like deserted graves now. Nothing can calm me now. Starting to look to the right and to the left, there was a small cafe across the street. Because my body is so tired of riding a motorcycle without clear direction then I decided to take a short break there while thinking about the next thing in my life.

And without waiting for a long time, soon I crossed the road and then headed to the cafe to rest for a while. A warm welcome from the store clerk, like the angina of the past right now that I don't really care about.

“Mbk, Ice break one.” I said then paid for my order just now and sat down on the chair provided.

Immediately I sat down and lowered my head, feeling the weight of the burden I was now bearing alone. It felt like there was a huge rock on my shoulders without anyone helping to support it at all.

Tring .. Tring .. Tring. My phone rang and there was a name that should accompany me later in a happy or sad moment for the rest of my life.

“Tumben phone, what's up?” I asked in my heart.

Immediately I picked up my phone and answered. “Assalamualaikum. Wb.” I started the conversation at that time.

“Waalaikumsalam. Wb. Deck, where are you now?” Mas Anton said in a hasty voice.

I took a deep breath, then went back to talking to my fiancee. “I'm in cafe Mas, what's up?” Ask her.

“I was worried about you Dek, Bibik called me and talked if you left the house.” Answer Anton in a hurry.

“That's a Mas.” My heart's back to him.

I stared at the glass of water before me and then answered the question from my fiance just now. “Cafe next to the usual T-junction Mas.”

“Wait there ya Dek, and don't go where –. Wait until you come, promise.” Said Mas Anton.

“Iya Mas, I wait until it comes.” I said and I immediately hung up the phone from my fiancee just now, I did not feel any relief at all after receiving a phone call from her. Empty, it still feels very empty at the moment.

I open my laptop and then I point to the social media that I have, I look for the names of some friends who can help me in the future. A minute went by and some names I saw only because I was still hesitant to ask them for help.

I looked back at some of the names to contact them immediately, but after saying hello. I immediately stopped my intention to ask him for help. “Already, don't have to chat like that. I can't.” I said alone in front of the laptop while drinking the drinks that had been served.

I am not used to asking for help like this, so there is a sense of doubt and fear of doing so. I was afraid that they would also have a hard time dealing with all this.

“Dek ...” Call someone from behind me.

I immediately turned to look back and looked like a tall – male in all black clothes, coming towards me. “Mas Anton.” Call me back to him.

Mas Anton sat in front of me and I think he rode a motorcycle so fast that in a matter of minutes he arrived at this cafe. “Order first Mas.” I said to calm him down.

Mas Anton immediately stood up and immediately ordered a drink along with a snack for him. “Dek, I'm worried about you.” Said Mas Anton with his face that looks red, maybe because of the heat since earlier.

“No need to worry too much Mas, bismillah only. Insyallah everything will be good – fine.” I told Mas Anton not to worry too much about me right now.

Anton looked at me so closely, as if he wanted to ask me back about my condition. “My plan Mas, after this I will look for kos – kosan for a while. Keep regarding my life after everything that happened now, maybe not young but Alhamdulillah there is still an emergency fund for me to survive.” Speak to myself while enduring the pain of not being seen by Mas Anton.

The sharp look of my fiancee frightened me a little, but the silence of Mas Anton made me bewitched and could not dwell on anything. Almost five minutes into silence, then standing and busy with his phone alone in the corner of the cafe.

I looked at the face of my fiance who was busy with his phone, it seemed like he was busy contacting someone far away. Without waiting for long, he immediately approached me with a smile on his face.

“Dek, said my friend. You can stay in his cottage.” Anton said to me very happily.

I took a breath and looked at my fiance's face. “Mas Anton, that's not the solution I asked you for. You are horrified Sister first Mas, do not immediately make your own decision.” I told him with a slightly raised voice.

“How do you want Deck? Mas just do not want if you suffer like this, Mas love you.” Said Anton to me.

A faint smile from me, which I then explained to her or rather protested over her recent actions. “I don't know how you got the story from my aunt. But you should ask me first, what do I want? Not arrived – arrived nyari place of residence so and that I had told you about, please appreciate.”

Anton was silent to my words just now, I was sure that he was worried about me, but the thing done rashly and making my own decisions was not the right thing to do.