You Don't Consider Me
6. STILL GRIEVING

Today is the second day after we were abandoned by Mother who has always been a support system in this family, there is a very deep sense of loss in each – members. If you remember the day – days before, we always assisted Mom in doing and solving the existing problems but specifically for the day – the next day. There's no saying Mother is on the side to living this life.

It feels very heavy left by Mother, especially the beautiful memories that are still in use and the habits of life that are always with her. This is something that is difficult to forget in my life, especially my sister who is still not even seventeen years old. At the age that still needs the figure of the mother but herself is required to be able to do everything alone even though there is our family.

Very bright morning although our hearts still feel cloudy, but inevitably in all activities we must continue to live, we, starting from me who has to help my sister for her needs and everything else. Luckily for me, at home there is still Grandma who is able to handle all our needs. So I only helped – things small things needed.

At seven o'clock in the morning, Grandma came up to me who was in the room preparing for today's needs. “Lianah, Grandma is in for a while yes nak.” Said my grandmother who went into the room.

“Log in just Nek.” My heart with hands still busy with piles of paper on the study table.

“Lianah, it's going to take seven days for your mother. Yesterday your father told Grandma that later all the needs for seven days, taken from the money your mother saved for the purposes of marrying you first.” Said Grandma who asked me for permission first in her soft voice.

I smiled as I looked at my Grandma and stopped the activity I was doing right now. “It shouldn't need permission on Lianah, it's Mom and Dad's money. So it's up to what to wear because the more important thing is the seven-day event Mother then it comes first only Nek. Lianah doesn't matter” Cetusku with a slow tone of voice so as not to offend Grandma.

“Should permission the same you Li, because the money was the result of your own mother's efforts from her business knitting the veil so far. It is devoted to you, so naturally for permission to you first but for your marriage will still be financed by your Father. You take it easy.” Grandma said to me by looking around the room and not daring to look at me.

I breathed quite a long time listening to the words from my Grandma just now, so all this time my mother saved money little by little to realize the marriage I craved. Unimagined how tired my mother, she always woke up from two in the morning to settle – clean house and cook all the needs at home. Three hours there will be the sound of her semi-manual sewing machine, pulling – thread thread to make a very beautiful veil and worthy of use.

Sewing activities are always done by my mother until six in the morning because she has to help my sister prepare for school, after my sister leaves she returns to her sewing machine until the dhuhur adhan reverberates. I always pay attention to my mother's activities that will be restarted at one hour because she must serve you for food or other needs and my sister who just came from school. And still clearly remembered that my mother would finish sewing until at four in the afternoon and in the evening, after my sister finished schoolwork and everything else then my mother will sew – knickknacks in the veil until once a night. Once I woke up in eleven nights and my mother was still awake with the veil in her hand.

All that is done only for the sake of his son, but it was once terbesit in my mind that the love of Mother and Father was focused on my little sister. But not once did Mother distinguish what was bought to my sister and me unless there were just a few things.

I hold back my tears so as not to cry in front of my Grandma right now, so that she does not grieve. I always try not to show sadness to anyone, so that other members of my family do not grieve too much. I'm pretty sure that my mother was there, not wanting any grief in her family right now.

Grandma immediately left me alone in the room and immediately cried as – so after listening to Grandma's speech just now. “Bu, Lianah misses Mom. Why do we have to go so fast, Mom? I don't want to see Lianah's wedding. But Ma'am, if this is the best so that Mother is no longer sick then Lianah is sincere. As long as Mother is happier there than here, O God please forgive all my mother's sins and accept her charity and love my Mother as she loved me as a child.” I said while holding my cry so as not to be heard until I left the room.

I tried to calm myself down by taking a breath many – times and saying Istighfar so that my heart was much calmer than before. Soon I read the fatihah I dedicated to my beloved mother.

“Lianah, out son. There are many guests, help us.” Shouted Grandma from the direction of the living room.

I immediately went outside and met some guests who came to show my family a sense of defense, from people I knew to strangers. It feels a little crowded there are guests who come but every time you tell about my mother's condition, there is pain that continues to be scraped – matches. I want to stop telling my sadness but it is rude not to answer the questions of the guests who came to me about why my mother died.

I'm sure all of this will pass sooner or later. Then I have to hold everything back, as hard as I can because I am the first child and the oldest brother in this family. “Nek, I'll go to the room first. Take a quick break and take a shower.” I said to Grandma in exchange for meeting the guests at home.

“Iya Li, you rest first. Later in the afternoon, you meet guests and change with Grandma.” Cetus Grandma and I answered with a nod as a sign of confirming what had just been said.

I immediately rested in the room with my sister who was in the room alone. “Sleep Lis?” I asked to see him lying alone.

“Not Kak.” Answer's short.

I immediately laid my body next to him and took a deep breath because it was so heavy to go through all this alone without the figure of Mother who always asked me – days. “How are you doing today? The test is smooth?” Ask me to start talking with my sister again, as Mother always asked me.

“Soften Brother, I miss Mom. Come to Mom's grave later in the afternoon.” My sister answered me.

I nodded and hugged her so that she would be calmer and more steadfast in accepting all these circumstances. Although I'm sure, that my mother's existence is much different from my present existence.