God's Choice of Mate
Between Love and Confidence

Which clothes are you wearing? I'm getting confused. I unloaded my closet to find suitable clothes.

I have an appointment tonight with Sam. The plane he was flying over landed earlier this afternoon. Right now I'm sure, he's still resting unwind. I'll meet at 07:00 at the restaurant where we used to hang out.

Mommy and Daddy certainly didn't know I was going to see Sam tonight. They only knew that Sam was coming home. So, I have to be more careful not to get caught. And Mas Ray, he should have gone home today, but he hasn't shown any sign of his whereabouts. The phone is also inactive.

I saw the clock on the wall showing at 6:35. Means, 25 five more minutes. I'll change clothes soon. Tonight I don't want to look as sexy as ever. There was a bit of guilt in my heart when I started polishing my face. Do I look like a woman who's going to cheat now? Ah No! I didn't cheat, I was in a relationship with Sam first. So not cheating! I kept looking for justification for what I was going to do.

Why I hesitated to meet Sam. Not like before. Didn't I miss him? Right, I miss him just that there's another feeling in my heart. Is it because of Ray? I don't know! He hasn't even called me in days. Will he forget me? How I got so scared, became a widow at the age of 24 years. Widow of the Flower, Oh Nooooooo.....

I'm headed to the restaurant I made an appointment with Sam. I went with an online taxi. I knew enough not to bring my husband's money-purchased car to meet my girlfriend.

"Saaamm....." I shouted out to him as I saw the tall, sassy-haired man wearing a gray shirt. He turned around and approached me.

"I Miss You" she said, hugging me tightly, tightly as if reluctant to let go.

"Saam, I can't breathe" said Smabil, hitting his small arm.

Sam just kept looking at me with a sincere smile from his lips. A smile that has never changed since I met him until now.

We both ordered a table at the end, a little far from where the other visitors were.

"Are you happy Shafa?" Said suddenly.

"Did he treat you well?" Another imbibing.

"I'm not happy Sam, I'll just be happy with you. You know it. And.and He treated me well enough" I replied while looking at him. I saw him smile. I can smile when I talk about this.

"Have you found a solution to our relationship?" Means back. Because this is basically the main purpose we meet.

"It's over!" Briefly talk.

"What.what?" I can't wait to hear that.

He snorted, closed his eyes for a moment then looked at me deeply.

"Bring up my son Shafa!" Flat talk.

"What?" I'm surprised not to play. How could she have asked me to carry her child? Isn't that the same as adultery? Really, even though I look like a woman at night but if for that one thing, No Thanks!

"Yes, Take my son so that our parents will bless our relationship" he said.

"Sam! You crazy? I don't agree. Is there no other way? That's Sam's Sin. SIN" I said, not believing what this man before me asked for.

"You're afraid of Shafa's sin?" Ask again.

"Yes, it's not you who always reminds me of that" I said annoyed. Sam this is different from any other man I've ever known. If another man would be happy with his aggressive lover like me, Sam would be different. He always reminded me not to overdo it to avoid sin. I am the type of woman who is aggressive, if it is too dear to want to stick around like a stamp.

"I'm the Same. If such a sin alone we are afraid, why are we not at the greater sin of Shafa?" Ambiguous reply.

"What do you mean, Sam?" I really don't understand what he means.

"I'm sorry Shafa... I love you, I love you so much. But I cannot leave Him who gives life to me. Who will be my savior one day only to be with you." Said Sam. grabbing my hand and grasping it long enough.

"We love each other, but we know His love for us is much greater. Will we die for this love Shafa? I've been looking for a way, racking my brain trying to find a loophole to our relationship. But the more I searched, the more I realized my mistake. As long as it is a distance, as far as I can go for you. But a belief, I can't Shafa." He's getting down. I am incapable of words. Is this the end of my story, God? Why is fate so cruel separating us? We love each other but are different.

Sam lifted his head. He gently wiped my tears.

"We can't be selfish Shafa. There will be many hearts that are hurt because of us. Your Mommy and Daddy are also my Papi and Mommy. They are the first people we will break their feelings. And Again, Your husband is a good man, now I can let you go because I'm sure you're with the right person" she said with a forced smile.

"Ga Sam, I can't..Hiks.hiks" I covered my face with my hands and cried as much as I could.

"Sheaf... Look at me!" Sam let down my arms forcing me to look at him.

"Can we be happy to see people around us suffer? Ask your heart" he said. Right, I can't possibly be happy if the people I love suffer.

"No Sam.." I still shake with tears flowing.

"So?We must also learn to seek happiness in our own way Shafa. Happiness that does not bring hurt and disappointment. I'm sure God is merciful, He won't make us suffer, will He?" Persuaded it. Little by little I began to be able to digest and understand Sam's words.

"You're so wise, Sam. I will become more Love" said I hit his hands which were precisely in reply with a crisp laugh.

"Oh, that was I just met someone who was very wise. He told me the true meaning of love. That Love is iklas, love is accepting and that love should not be selfish. If not, it's just lust" replied Sam. The atmosphere between us begins to melt despite the pain that is so intense in the heart.

"Fortunately you Sam. Here take me with him, so I can understand too"

"You will definitely meet him" he said, pulling my nose. He was always like that when I sulked.

"Oh yes Shafa, Mami betrothed me to Karina. What say?" Ask later. But Sam asked for my opinion which was broken hearted. Basic infeeling.

"Hiks... You know what Sam nanya is like" I answered along with sobs.

"Shafa, dong. I asked for your opinion because I didn't want to make the wrong decision. After all, you are the most important person in my life. Even though we can't be together, at least we can be friends and support each other" she explained to me.

"Emmm... Karina Good Sam, I know she's been with you for a long time. But he doesn't want to disrupt our relationship. I'm feeling guilty about Karina. Because I got a lot of information about you from him. The point is, he knows you better than me" I said. Karina is Sam's best friend, at the beginning of my relationship with Sam I always asked Karina the things she likes. And he was happy to tell everything. But over time I realized that Karina harbored feelings for Sam. A friendship becomes Love. He was willing to hide his love behind the mask of his friendship to see Sam happy with his choice, which was me.

Sam smiled as he ruffled my head.

"I know that, do you now approve of me being with him? I know it's not gonna be easy. But it's gonna get harder if we don't try hm?"

"Right Sam, we won't know until we try. Because the more we are together the deeper the pain we will feel" I replied. Looks like I'm starting to catch Sam's wisdom.

"Well, I'm blessing you with Karina, but you have to promise, you can't hurt her?" I try to be strong and fragile.

"You too, I bless you with your husband, and you have to promise, don't let him down okay?" Reply while extending a hand.

"Deal..!!!" We shook hands, encouraged each other, and opened our hearts to the other happiness that God had chosen.

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