I'M Nathasya Gustari
Not Your fault

"It turns out like this it feels like coming back to the family."

It felt as if she was comfortable and happy as if she never left. Still the same taste that Caca felt when he was in the middle of the Tara family. Nothing has changed. As if he never left. His smile was perfect.

The longing that he had been feeling was finally complete already. His chest was claustrophobic by the overflow of happiness. Pleasant tightness.

Get together and enjoy dinner with family. A warm atmosphere that he had not felt for a long time. Maybe once before he married Tara was the last time Caca felt like that.

"You guys stay here, right?" mama asked Shinta to look at Tara and Caca alternately.

Caca glanced at Tara to give an answer. The one in the lyrics instead asked their little daughter.

"Content to bobo at grandma's house, no?"

The little girl who was enjoying the food on her plate was just prying. "Bobo dance with mom."

Caca sighed. "Caca the same Mentari come home aja mah." now Caca is forbidden to call grandma and grandpa. The two middle-aged asked him to call with the same call as Tara.

"Why? you still uncomfortable in this house?"

"It's not so, mah. Caca and Mas Tara are no longer husband and wife. Afraid of being a gossip later."

Caca believes in the housing complex Tara's parents will not likely anyone gossip them. But surely there will be more sloping news when tomorrow he comes home between Tara after a night of not coming home.

"Then why don't you get married again. So that papa could often meet with papa's granddaughter." the middle-aged man replied. Throwing questions that make Caca a little uncomfortable.

"Yes. Let you stay here often." mama Shinta nodded in agreement with her husband's idea. "Mama is old. We just want to see Tara happy. With you and Dance of course."

Caca was agitated. She still loves Tara. All this time no one had managed to shift the position of the man in his heart.

Even though his love starts from mistakes, it is also forced. But that love grows sincerely. The unconditional love that was present in his heart just like that was without excuse.

But when it comes to marriage, she's inexplicably still in doubt. There is still the anxiety of going through the same bitterness. What else is with the same person.

Tara cleared her throat as she caught the uncomfortable look on her female face. "We go first, Mah. I am also very close to Mentari. It still takes time for us to understand each other so as not to make the same mistake as before." Tara rubbed her child's head unperturbed by the talk of the parents who were there. But the man's eyes could not be separated from Caca who was now staring at him when the last sentence was spoken.

"It was your fault because you were dishonest. How could we know you have more of a relationship than a son and a father. But now we know, and we approve."

"Tara knows papa and mama bless you. But there are still people that Tara has to ask for her blessing so that our relationship will no longer have problems."

Mama and Papa Tara looked at each other and nodded. While Caca frowned he did not understand.

Who else should they ask for their blessing. He just doesn't have any parents. And as far as it is, the brothers of his parents no one would accept it.

Caca hurriedly shook his head. Expel his mind that seemed to have agreed with marriage even impressed already impatient it. Fortunately, he did not reveal his head just now. If that's said, it'll be as shy as it is.

"Let Tara find the right time to bring Caca and Tari to ask for blessing. Let our relationship be closer. Eliminating the awkwardness between me and Caca after such a long separation."

"Yes. You should ask them for their blessing. And the two of you should be ready to fight together for their blessing." the middle-aged man who bequeathed the iris to his son and grandson seemed to be harboring a burden that Caca did not understand.

Actually they have to ask for blessing to whom until papa Tara so heavy say it.

"Later you'll know." said Tara stroking next to Caca's cheek.

***

The door was knocked on as Caca covered the body of her sleeping little daughter after dinner. The boy seems to be tired.

"Ca. Not sleeping yet? can I come in?" the sound of Tara's bus was heard after the knocking stopped.

Caca got up from the bed carefully so as not to wake Mentari.

"Why, mas?" caca asked after opening the door.

Tara looked at her head. "Dari's asleep?"

Caca simply nodded and let the man in. Kissing her wriggling daughter's forehead and re-hugging the doll that Tara had gotten at the amusement park this afternoon.

"Aren't you comfortable sleeping here?" Tara sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Caca leaning her body against the sidewall of the door, full of longing. They miss their warm togetherness.

Even though they have met again. But things are not the same as before. Their relationship is not as warm as it used to be even though they still share the same feelings.

It was as if there was a transparent glass separating them. To prevent them from approaching each other and reaching out. No hugging even though I wanted to. There is nothing both can do, even if they can. As long as both of them were able to destroy the thin wall that separated them.

"It feels the same. Nothing has changed." replied Caca after a long time just speechless.

"Why haven't you slept?"

Caca. "Much I think. It doesn't feel real."

Tara stood up and grabbed Caca's hand. Invite him to come out so as not to disturb the sleep of Mentari.

"What's not real? you still can't forgive me?" the quiet family room is only illuminated by a light that is not so bright because the main lights have been extinguished, it becomes Tara's choice to talk from heart to heart with the mother of her child.

Tara still tightly grasped Caca's left hand even though she never looked at him. Caca always turns his eyes wherever Tara's eyes come from.

Eyes that remind him of the sins and wounds of the past. He also did not deny, if the eyes also reminded him of happiness as a woman who was worshiped in his old time.

"Maybe it's because I'm used to living alone with Mentari. So your presence feels pseudo, mas." Caca looked down inside. Breathe in and breathe out slowly. Brave to look at the ex-husband as well as the father of his son.

"Everything feels like shit because I used to live alone. Fighting themselves. And.... Crying to myself."

Caca's last sentence was like a symbol that ascended Tara so deeply. He incised an invisible wound.

"sorry. I'm late." whispered Tara. Down full of regrets.

Caca with teary eyes shook his head and raised the chin of the man who was bowed in it. "You're not wrong, ma'am. I decided to leave. So it's been a risk for me to go through. Because that's the path I chose myself."

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