I'm the One who Lose
Chapter 13

Pov Rini's

This heart feels detached, this heart feels pain. It was a pain I could hardly bear. It hurts so much, it hurts more than anything to see my partner prefer his affair and willingly let go of me, leaving me. Tears can not stop flowing as if I spend these tears are not satisfied enough I cry, I spend these tears can not relieve my heart pain. I roared hoping to relieve the pain, the pain but not yet I managed to organize this heart, I have not had time to give anti-pain for this heart, my heart was torn back to see my son's tears. My son, who had come to grieve for our parting, for the selfishness of his parents.

That afternoon, my priest took his mistress home and she declared that she would marry him. Until finally I chose to leave because I do not want to be in honey, can not live polygamy. I did many ways to defend my household, to beg my husband not to abandon me but God's destiny was another will. My husband prefers his affair. Lord please take care of my children, please give them strength, please make them great children. My prayers continued to be said for my son as tears fell. I am aware of God that I am only an actor, sorry if I protest a lot, sorry if I am not willing to accept a scenario of destiny from You. If this is indeed my destiny please heal this heart wound, Lord, please heal this pain, please heal this self-esteem pain. Servant aware of this incident You have shown many things to the servant, You have opened the veil that the servant has been wrong and You have shown the truth of my blindness all this time. For the love of my mother, for the love of my brothers whom I have taken for a little for me and with this wound you show me that I have misjudged them, with this wound you open the eyes of my heart that has been blind all this time, You show me that their love is very great for me. All this time I have been a proud servant because You have given me many blessings, now You are rebuking me with great heartache. Please servant, Lord, please heal the servant, eliminate the pain of the servant.

Day after day I went through like a patient, bearing a terrible pain. I wanted to give up but to see my two hearts as sick as me made me back up straight. I'm sure they hurt more than I feel. Lord I am tired, I beg God to heal my wounds. Heal the wounds of my son. Please take this love out on the husband of the servant, Lord, please take away the love of the servant for him. Eliminate this passionate longing, the servant is not strong of God. This longing torments the inner servant, makes the heart of the servant pain, makes these tears do not stop dripping every yearning this comes. You are as good a helper, O Lord, only to You are the servant to ask, only to You are the servant to surrender. I'm sorry if I protest so much, so much rejection of your destiny, forcing the will as you wish. Thank You for reprimanding the servant through this pain. Arise, O Lord, allow the servant always to be in your religion, allow the servant always to be an obedient servant of all your commandments and allow the servant always to stay away from your prohibition.

It has been almost two months of the Lord, but You have not granted the prayer of the servant. This longing, longing for the former husband of the servant is still embedded in the heart of the servant. What a heavy servant bears it. Right now I miss him dear God, I want to be in his arms. But I know it's impossible, so I will be little by little miss this servant. But how? while You even leave this fetus in the womb of the servant. O Lord, I leave myself to You, whatever your destiny is. Everything that is beyond my reach, only You can finish it.

For the sake of peace of mind, I decided to stay away from this memorable city. I was looking for a quiet place to be alone. Here in this new place I bandaged my wounds. Trying to forget everything about him. Although very heavy. Especially when you see your two children, when stroking my stomach that has begun to bulge. These tears just dripped as the palm of this hand shook the movement of my heart. She grew up in my womb without feeling the caress of her male parents. Lord, will You predestine this child to grow up without his father's affection for the rest of his life. Your plan is as good as God's plan. And you are as good a regulator of destiny.