Love (But)Need Certainty
In Silence

Romi pushed the door slowly, not because he did not want to disturb or anything like that. But somehow for this time his hand seemed to lose the energy to open a door that he had opened hundreds of times before.

Romi stepped in, opened his shoes as usual then walked towards the TV room.

"Hi," Romi greeted hesitantly.

"Hey.."

Asteria was sitting on the sofa with a glass of warm tea on her left hand while her right hand was busy dancing on the laptop keyboard on her lap.

At a glance the wind from the AC moves sweeping every inch of the room until the cloth touches the skin. Romi pulled his jacket zipper up to near the neck. While Asteria is still staring at the laptop screen carefully.

Romi sat down on the sofa and sat quietly. But if usually they are like stamps attached to envelopes, this time they are like north and south magnets. Romi sat down without talking, as well as Asteria who was still not distracted from her laptop screen.

The atmosphere of the room was dyed by the rustling sound of curtains that moved caressing the wall. The creaking of the sofa stuffing that shifted as Romi shifted occasionally filled the sound room. Even the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen behind the tv room became the background music of two people who were reluctant to speak.

Romi looked up at the dark ash carpet that covered the wooden floor of the room. In this situation Romi only realized after a long time it turns out there is a pattern on the carpet that was initially thought to be just plain color. The pattern of the guardian formed by the black carpet strands looked more attractive than the beautiful woman one meter next to him. At first glance he remembered when he was scolded by his late father, he always looked at the beautiful floor like this.

It's the same feeling.but different.staying sorry what's hard...

For no reason Romi rubbed his palms together. As if by doing so his heart would become more relaxed to speak. But several times rubbing his hands to heat though could not get rid of the blockade of guilt that blocked his throat and heart.

The memories that were supposed to be printed beautifully yesterday into his heart turned into a blurry gray image. He even had trouble remembering Karina's cheerful expression when they were watching in the cinema. Of course at that time Romi skillfully covered his turmoil and remained cheerful with Karina.

In the presence of an Asteria.. Romi even has trouble pretending to be stupid and indifferent to just apologize..

Turning his attention to the ceiling he only found a beautiful chandelier swaying slowly in the AC wind. Even this kind of simple thing feels more fun than having to talk to Asteria who seems to be hypnotized by something from her laptop. The longer Asteria stared at the laptop, the more Romi felt himself melting from regret.

"In the fridge there's a black forest cake if you want.."

"Yep.." Romi immediately swiftly walked to the back.

At least with this makes himself b~~~~eractivity do something rather than waiting for who will explode first. What is clear is not Romi who will explode, if until Asteria exploded Romi felt himself will immediately break into dust.

Romi took a piece of cake and put it on the kitchen table..

From the table where Romi cut the cake the little Asteria just looked back from behind. Her long curly hair covered up to her shoulders. A glimpse of the fragrance of Asteria's distinctive rosemary spoils Romi's sense of smell, forcing him to think about the beautiful things they went through. While this is unclear whether Asteria will continue to accept Romi's presence or kick him out the door. It was not clear what he was doing from where Romi was sitting until he did not look at the man he loved.

Romi's brain still refuses to work properly drowning him in daydreams. His eyes were unable to look at Asteria who in silence was able to spread an aura that knocked out Romi's courage. Even after eating three scoops of cake, the black forest chocolate taste managed to escape from his tongue.

This time after a long time it felt so good..

Asteria typed in a few more sentences as a description of some of the data in her monthly report to be submitted to her boss tomorrow afternoon. Yes, it is still for tomorrow afternoon, not urgent, nor should it be finished right now. Asteria even still watching movies on her laptop until a while ago Romi came to open the door of her apartment. The bad memories and heartache from yesterday afternoon were still lingering in his heart so he decided to work on his report now. Romi who he knows will not dare to disturb him when he is busy working.

Good.he said in his heart when Romi looks confused to do anything here. Even though this place can already be called a second home for Romi.

No, of course Asteria did not mean to be complacent about seeing such a miserable Romi. Romi's state of confusion clearly indicates something is being churned in his heart. Something called guilt...

If there is still guilt that disturbs Romi then it means there is still love there....

When Romi was confused and stared at the floor to miss the silence, a smile appeared in the corner of Asteria's face without the man noticing.

Rasayn! because I thought I was an alien..

Of course there was still a lot of pain left in his heart due to Romi. It is not easy to get rid of the pain just by coming and apologizing. Even Romi has not reached the stage of apologizing..

Indeed he and Romi are not a normal couple with clear status. Asteria should reveal a lot in this strange relationship. And two years with him have been so much. Not wrong also if occasionally he wants to feel selfish and wants Romi only for himself alone?

One pain from yesterday's incident in the mall that scratches him deeper past the limit of his sincere taste. Romi thinks of it as nothing, unfamiliar, unfamiliar, and uncaring. He's never done that before...

Romi's attitude is a sign of something abnormal.. Asteria can only guess.The guess could have been wrong.. Asteria did not dare to guess the tip of reality from her conjecture. Nor dare to predict the end of the journey of his story and the man who may not be his soul mate.

But one fact that he could see right now.. This guy is here.. He chose to be here.. Be with him.. Even if he doesn't have to... Asteria did not ask..

If not for love? what else can?

Asteria got up from the sofa, walking towards the lonely man in the room containing two humans..