Love Me, Please
17. Have A Good Day

Sesal squeezes the chest throughout the calculus lesson. Numbers and formulas that previously did not even fit with a roomy brain are now driving me crazy. Half-dead I tried to be in the classroom, trying to understand what Mr. Rodriguez, but still this thought is floating.

To Kayden.

We came out of the toilet shortly after the first bell rang— as a lesson hour marker would begin in fifteen minutes later. In front of the class, he kissed my forehead, said I love you and until later, then passed.

I stared at his back which was getting away from the goal. I'm aware of my luck. I realized that he could be said to be a gift from God. I know exactly how my life would be without him.

However, this feeling cannot be denied. I'm not the old me anymore. Nikita is not perfect anymore. Family destroyed. What exists from the figure of Mama is now only her tombstone. What exists from the figure of Papa is now only money. Although Mama and I are different in the world, my differences with Papalah are so obvious.

I need Papa's whereabouts while he wants another family.

Not only that, Papa's treatment of me the last time we met really embarrassed me. What kind of father would hurt his own flesh and blood?

I can't imagine what Kayden's reaction would have been if he had known. Nope, no. I don't want to think about it. That should remain my secret.

Not only a matter of home, at school I was wrong. The value of the red subjects becomes the source of all the upset. If only I could not find a way out immediately ....

The screeching bell of the lesson mark ended up jolting me from daydreams. The sound of thick books closing too excitedly became the backdrop. The legs of the chair that rub against the marble floor put out a squeak that joined the goods for a while, before then being immersed by steps wrapped in branded shoes with treads worth hundreds of dollars.

I quickly replaced it with a fake grin. The tone I wore when replying to the greetings of classmates who crossed my desk was no less lancung.

Try saying, what else can a girl who is considered perfect to perfect her imperfections other than by pretending to be perfect?

Honestly, I hate it. I hate this faux smile, my fake cheer voice, my empty happiness. The only time when everything that I am was true is when I was with Kay. Even that now is tainted by my lie.

Hate myself.

"Miss Levine, can I have a second, please?"

Mr. blaring. Rodriguez pulled me back to the present, making me wobbly. "Y-yes, Mr. Rod-Rodriguez's chat. C-can I help y-you?"

The thick-bodied teacher put down the reading glasses he wore and looked at me more sharply. "In the matter of fact, yes, Miss Levine. Can you help me with getting here so we can have a talk?"

Oh, shxt.

I quickly put in useless books and stationery that had just become a display on the table. Become a property to make as if I'm "there" here. To be a means for my perfect image.

Doc Martens leather lace up boots I was wearing led me to Mr.'s desk. Rodriguez without a voice.

"Nick." Mr. Rodriguez. His voice felt louder in the empty classroom. Thank God it's empty now. "The semester is only two months away. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, sir." I cleared my throat before answering softly.

"And you know that schools require all students without exception to graduate in every subject at the end of the school year?"

"Yes, sir."

****

Knock on the World History-class door on the second floor. Mr. cheque's body. Khan emerged from behind the door after a short while. "Miss Levine, you're late" the Indian guru scolded. He looked at me with a frown.

Without saying a word, I thrust out the wretched paper.

"Oh. Alright then," he concluded after scanning the writing on the sheet. "Good luck."

Yeah, Mr. Khan's. A good fxcking luck is what I need most right now, isn't it?

****

"Come in."

Restless to rule me, heart thump like a horse racing. The palm is covered in sweat that pours out like a well. Shaking takes over this body.

Not long ago the room of Miss Valencia who served as Academic Advisor Rockefeller High I visited. Now, a few days later, I was already in his superior's room.

And, I definitely am not prepared for what I'm facing at this second. The feeling was so unreasonable to imagine a meeting with Mrs. Contreras. But now, now? When I finally found out that I was going to confront Vice School Principal of Student Affairs, Miss Valencia, Mr. Rodriguez, and Mrs. Lekovich at the same time?

God, death seems like it would be so much easier than this.

"Please sit down, Miss Levine," said the middle-aged woman in horn-frame glasses. A friendly smile spread on her red lips. However, don't get me wrong. The arch is just a formality. Just look at the way you sit, your cupped fingers, and your straight arms on the table.

It will be one hell of a ride, folks.

Again, I followed without speaking. Kukepal both hands over the thigh in an attempt to quell his concussion. Although mentally broke a thousand, that doesn't mean I have to look like that, does it?

At least I could try.

"Okay, just go ahead," he broke up after glancing at the three teachers who were beside his right—kiriku; all three of them stood firm, hands crossed behind his back, expressions made as flat as possible. However, body language does not deceive; lips clenched Mrs. Lekovich signifies that she feels a bit upset, Miss Valencia's unsettled limbs reveal her discomfort, and fifteen wrinkles on Mr. Valencia's forehead. Rodriguez indicated he was also experiencing emotional conflict.

Especially for my calculus teacher, the folds on his forehead add to the length of the list of folds that are on his body to impress him.

Yeah, you got me. I was looking for a way to self-distribute. Yet, still. Life doesn't let you forget reality. Mrs Voice. Contreras returned to attention.

"We assume you already understand why you were called here, Miss Levine, and we think, as a senior student, you've also memorized the vision of our school. No doubt, your achievements in the extracurricular field are very good. You're a brilliant dancer. You could say you're the captain of the best cheerleader team that Rockefeller High has had in recent years.

"But school is school. Its main function is to provide the best facilities to maximize the potential development of students, especially in academia. You've been in your last year, Miss Levine. You should focus more on preparing for the future. I see you haven't started a conversation about a lecture with Miss Valencia. I have also not received any reports of your progress in Mr.'s subject. Rodrigues. All I'm hearing, Miss Levine, is an incident involving you, Mr. Ford, and Mr. Pierce. Very unfortunate.

"The headmaster may sympathize with you, but I can't. If only I put forward the feeling, maybe this school will not be able to print flagship students like already. You got it, right? Nothing means more to us than the success of the Rockefeller High students. With the consent of Mrs. Lekovich, I've decided that your position as captain and as a member of the cheerleading squad has been revoked. Effective immediately. We hope that this provision can make a positive change for your academic achievements. You can focus more on improving your grades from now on. I guess that's all. Have a good day, Miss Levine. You can go outside and go back to class."

To be continued ....