Love Me, Please
23. Hurts

"That's really embarrassing for Papa, Nikita Bliss, you know that?"

At least now I know. Papa made sure I knew that.

I often assume that there are three kinds of questions on this earth; questions that should be answered, that should not be answered, and that have no answers or answers yet to be ascertained.

Well, now tell me, which category did the question Papa just asked?

That's why I didn't answer dear old daddy's question. He was just asking for the sake of asking.

"Why are you so stupid? Why can you allow yourself to be caught up in failure? You had never done such things before. You can always make Papa proud. But, now? Where was Papa's old girl? What happened to Nikita before?" leaning Papa with intonation that is getting higher and higher.

Question after question that increasingly shrinks the heart.

Keep your teeth tight. So strong that a distinct crackling sound is heard in the ear. I clenched both hands tightly, until the nails felt through the skin of the palm.

But I remained silent.

I could feel, or rather see, Papa's anger rising. His breathing began to hunt, the edges of his ears reddened. "The answer to Papa's question, Niki." He growls.

I still choose to be quiet.

"You heard Papa, didn't you? Ha?!"

Again, I didn't care.

I can't. If I open this mouth ....

"Nikita Bliss Levine!" Papa suddenly stood up and kicked the table. His hand hit the cupbed plate, making the cup on it roll. Coffee spilled over the newspaper. But Papa doesn't care. He still hits me with those really heartless questions. "What, actually, do you want? Why are you such a dissident? Why, ha? Answer it! ANSWER ME!"

"NIKI WANTS MAMA ALIVE AGAIN!" I shouted at the end. Aware of not realizing I was standing imitating the standing style of the man who had grown me. "IF IT CAN MAKE YOU REALIZE THAT NIKI IS THERE, NIKI WANTS IT! NIKI WANTS MAMA TO LIVE AGAIN LET PAPA BE AT HOME AND CARE ABOUT WHAT'S IN HERE AGAIN. SATISFIED?"

Instantly the dining room used for the large banquet once again turned into a war zone between the son and his father.

"DON'T BE CRAZY!" reply Papa no less hot while pointing at me.

"WHAT IS THIS THING NIKI REQUESTS, PA? NIKI JUST ASKED PAPA TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO NIKI, BUT WHAT? PAPA IS BUSY WITH THE***** AND TAKES CARE OF HER SON WHILE PAPA NEGLECTS THE FLESH BLOOD OF PAPA HERSELF!"

Those eyes full of wind were glaring at me. "GUARD YOUR WORDS, YES! DON'T BRING THEIR NAMES! SARAH AND LEON HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR STUPIDITY AND DELINQUENCY!"

"WHAT THE FXCK!"

The screams from the other source of the voice suddenly distracted our attention. Kayden—with a dead red face and a deflated chest, I don't know why she could look more angry and violent than Papa— standing at the door to the dining room. And in an instant he was already in the presence of the middle-aged man who had just said I was crazy.

"Stop right there" he growled at the figure he had always respected. Now the usual sense of disdain from the way Kayde looked at Papa was gone. Or at least my judgment. "Stop right fxcking there or I sweat I will fxcking pummel you to the ground and I won't fxcking stop at nothing! Am I making myself clear, Om?"

The power that I had been forcing was gone when I saw Papa who was without a fight then nodded after being threatened by Kayden. It was so easy to get rid of anger. It was so easy for him to give up. To people who are not me.

Am I that worthless, Pa? Should I not demand my right as a child to be given attention as well? Am I not worthy of his feelings? Am I not worthy of being loved by Papa anymore?

My head automatically lowered, hanging between the two arms lying on the table that not only held the weight of the body, but also the pressure of feeling. Things that are not reduced, even more and more day-to-day.

"Come on, honey." Suddenly I was in Kayden's arms. "Let's get you upstairs."

I replied before he lifted my body. Kay lightly carried me towards the room on the second floor.

I had no intention of fighting back a little. I immediately curled up, slamming into his deck deeply.

And hope what just happened doesn't really happen.

****

Slowly laid me on a bed that was still chaotic before finally lying next to me. He stretched out his sturdy arm again, inviting me to enter. This body came closer and coiled inside my house.

I gently stroked my hair. I pecked my head for a long time. He repeatedly said that everything would be fine.

No. We all know that's not true.

Everything has been broken to pieces. My family's. My education. I'm.

"This isn't Papa's first time you've talked rudely to you, has he, Yang?"

I let the question pass.

A swearing came out of his lips. "When did he dare to do that?" Kay stretched her arms. "He just said it, right? Not to play hands, is it?" it was with a tone that began to be tinged with panic.

I could feel her eyes poking at my face. However, I don't want to look at him. I don't want him to read all the answers to his questions in my expression.

"Which, answer me." Now he has risen and immediately takes me until we are in a sitting position. Holding my shoulder. "I need to know the truth so I can protect you. I'm your boyfriend, Yang, I should know what happened to you."

I now cover my face with both hands to avoid his gaze. Isak further split the chest.

"Which, please, answer me. I can't relax if I know you're hiding something from me like this."

Only the sedu sedan was the answer.

"I beg you, I beg you, Yang, I beg you, story. Same story me, Niki, please," Kay said. The panic in his voice changed the wish that would hopefully be granted.

I can't stand it anymore.

"Get out" I said from behind my palm.

"W-what?" Kayden was so stunned that he stuttered.

"Get out, Kay," I said louder. Now my hand no longer covered my face, but I still avoided her gaze with a bow.

"No! Fxck. I'm not leaving until you tell me everything" she said.

I wiped both cheeks with the edge of my shirt. "Nothing to say."

"Don't lie to you!" it shook my body.

This time it was my turn to flinch. Hardly hiding his face to avoid his sharp observation, Kayden could still guess the contents of my head. "Get out."

"No," he refused, still insisting.

Tired of coming to ambush. Sucking out the remnants of stubbornness that still exist.

I finally lay down and turned back to him. I pulled the blanket down my chin.

"Rubber. The. Fxck out, Kayden," I said. Each word needs a single breath of its own in order to get out of this chest.

Apparently he still wants to argue with me. "Why are you doing this? I'm just asking you to tell me the same story, Yang. I love you the same. Have you not understood all this time that your wounds hurt me too?"

Yes, why yes, Kayden. I understand that so well that I ask you to leave. If you're here, looking at me like this, it feels like three times as great. Because your wounds hurt me too.

I have to endure my pain, your pain, and the pain of making you sick all at once.

And now I really can't.

I put myself under the blanket. "Please, honey, go. Just give me time. Okay?"

Kayden in Kalakian sighed deeply and took it out slowly before lying down. He hugged my body wrapped in a blanket from behind. I love being the little spoon. "You sure you don't want me here?" the tan is soft on my nape.

I shove my head at a glance. "I want to process everything myself first."

"But you have to promise me a story."

"Yes, I promise." I promised to tell him all this, but I didn't know when it would happen.

"Okay, then," he said with the help of a super duper big nap, resigned. Kayden then pulled the blanket slightly until my shoulder was open and drowned his head there. She took a few deep breaths before saying, "I love you, honey. I love you so much. It hurts seeing you like this."

Yes, Kay, yes. I-i understand. It is sad to see you tormented like this.

To be continued ....