Love Me, Please
31. It Takes Two to Tango

Kayden shook his head and then grabbed my hand. "You think I don't want to go in style and have fun like other kids, hm? Want, Yang, really want. But I still try to control my desires because I have a purpose. I have a goal I need to achieve. And I rafu I can achieve everything if I go with the flow of fun like the others. I knew I had to prove to the world that I could be someone without the help of my last name. And I want you to do that too. I love you, baby, I love you so much, Yang. I want you to be successful and happy more than I want my own success. So, I still have to refuse. We're not going there. Me, right, promised us a vacation. And you know I always keep my word, right? Is that not enough for you?"

Heavy gray clouds of guilt suddenly overshadow themselves. Again. Again and again. The spots began to fall off, soaking the heart. Drizzling invites more and more emotions. I don't know when it will stop.

In front of me sat an extraordinary young man— who was holding tightly to my hand, who became the owner of my heart, who loved me with too— with a clear purpose in life. At the age of just eighteen, he was already able to determine what the purpose of his life was. He was able to see clearly what was needed to achieve these goals. He already has strong self-discipline to ensure that the goals he has set can be achieved easily. Although he only said his goal in the near future, but it was the same, right? Long-term, short-term, all still require the same dedication. But what did he get as a couple? In front of him was only me who was still crazy today.

This realization really gave me a hard slap inside. The slap that opened my eyes so wide and made me understand what really happened. Or ... maybe this is just a reminder of something I've known for a long time, but still the resilience of its existence? Ah, I don't know.

Silence hit my room for a certain amount of time.

I don't know after how long, in Kalakian I can only nod weakly. "Okay," Iid. "Thank you."

"Yeah?" he said with raised eyebrows, probably because I didn't expect that I would give up so easily. "Aren't you angry?"

He still cares more about my feelings. Oh, Kayden's. "No."

"Why is the answer so short?" search continues.

I forced my lips to carve a smile. "It's okay, really."

"Really?"

Why do you have to be this intuitive, anyway, Kay? "Yes," my dream with a higher level of pretense.

"Alrighty, then."

At last. Ends anyway.

The silence then took over the atmosphere, encompassing us who were again sitting in the same position as before. Before the messages on the device attack. That damn. I turned off the thing that was the source of the discomfort.

No, that's not right. I am where all the trouble comes from.

Yep.

Half-dead I tried to shift my focus back to the book I was holding, but whatever the power, this head was already wandering everywhere. Now there is only me who looks blankly at the letters and numbers scattered on the paper, my head is empty. Not a single one of those writings was recorded in the mind.

"You know I love you, right?" Kayden ended the silence that spread again with honest questions that made me feel insecure.

"I know." I answered. Again felt the need to raise the tone so that he would not catch my original feelings.

"So, you also know that I'm still waiting, right, Yang?"

My heart started running. What does he mean? Waiting what? What else is this? "You mean? What are you waiting for?"

Then he uttered a sentence that I didn't want to hear at all. "I'm still waiting for your story."

The world seems to stop when a piece of conversation flashes in memory. "Oh."

"I wish I meant enough to be a place you share, yeah."

"Of course you are."

"Yeah?"

"Glad to know that."

You wouldn't know how much you mean to me, Kayden.

You are the most important person in my life, to the point that it scares me, really scared. At the end of the day I tell you all these ulcers, and you think my imperfections will be a waste of your precious time, then you choose to leave because I have nothing in your eyes, I will be crushed, Yang. Perishing.

Because without you, I would never have existed.

So, what do you think, Kay? Am I stupid to choose to hide this from you, hm? Am I too stupid to think it is better to swallow this pain myself than to lose you later on?

If I were told to make a choice between losing you or failing to be yourself, you would also know which one I would choose, right?

Because I love you too, baby, love you so much.

****

"So ...."

I'm shaking. Rejecting the offer Kayden gave through that one word.

So, what exactly happened? Come on, same story me now!

"No, Honey. I'm so sorry, but I guess I still can't tell you right now." Never.

"But, why?" tanyakanya.

I turned my head and returned the question mark to her through my gaze. "But why, what?"

Some of the hiccups are too high and we are still seeing. The way Kay looked at me; right at the eye point, made this self feel stripped. Nothing escapes from anything else. Even so, it is the shady, sincere, and receptive look of the net that ultimately makes this heart more silent.

I'm definitely going to go to hell.

"Okay," he sighs later. She tidied the random children of hair before anchoring a kiss on my forehead. Long enough lips held there. Like trying to convey something through that touch. "But you remember you promised me, right?" added again.

In addition to a weak nod of the head, an unclear murmur was also the answer. "Hm-."

"I'll always be here for you, Yang. Whatever it was, is, and will be, I'm right here." I hugged him tightly, his back against his strong body. Tight arms encircle the chest, holding itself in the sense it has always created. "I'm never going away. Not from you. Not from this, us. Never."

That's Kayden. He not only spoke, but also acted. Every word that goes out of the mouth, supported by body language, is evidenced by its firm stance.

"Thank you" I whispered as I tightened our fingers. Trying to imitate the way he loves. But, it can never be. No one can match him.

Kay again put her nose in my hair.

In a tangle of thoughts, I thought about the talent scout I stole when the match ended the other day. "You know I'm the same, right?"

"Hm?" he murmured while still drowning his nose, and his face, in my hair. Even now deeper until the warm breath felt on the nape of the neck. "You mean?"

To be continued ....