Port of Love Ekklesia
Grey White Mass 18 (Decision)
I slept alone in my room tonight. Because my sister was looking to be spoiled with my Mama, so she decided to sleep in my Mama's Room.
And it's getting the quieter I feel tonight. My solitude made me drown in the sea of sorrow.
I leaned my body against the bed. With a tired feeling after crying, I stared inside my HP screen.
I exhaled violently as I continued to think what I could do about my problem.
"Am I the only one who feels that this is a problem? I'm not the only one who thinks too far. Johan did not think about this at all. How far in the hell is this relationship really supposed to go? It's completely out of my ability..... " I repeatedly questioned those words in my heart.
Tonight is really my night. I have never cried because of such a problem. Like a chick losing its mother, that's what can describe how I feel right now.
(Samson's Song, Differences played)
🎧
**Close your eyes in front of me
I'll kiss you one last time
We are not able to be together
Difference sets us apart
Take my hand...
I am happy when I am with you
Wipe every drop of your tears
Try to cry out this farewell
It is not our desire to be separated
Difference sets us apart
Listen to my heart
I am happy when I am with you
Ouwf...
Remember this oath
I am happy when I am with you
I'm happy.bahagiaa.
When with you..
Close your eyes in front of me
I'll kiss you one last time
We are not able to be together
Difference sets us apart
Take my hand...
I am happy when I am with you
Wipe every drop of your tears
Try to cry out this farewell
It is not our desire to be separated
Difference sets us apart
Listen to my heart
I am happy when I am with you
Remember this oath
I am happy when I am with you
I'm happy.happy.
When with you**..
🎧
Putting my body at its lowest base at the moment. Continues to sob with a sound that is held. While lapping my tight chest. I was just talking about everything I felt. Swallow everything round and round alone. Because I thought, this is my problem. And I have to learn to finish it myself.
Maybe people will think I was too happy at the time. But as a teenage girl who doesn't really understand this, I can only cry and really ask Him what to do and do.
I love him, but in my deepest heart, I love Him even more. A very difficult choice for sure. And it really confused me seven circumnavigations.
Maybe I could just do as Niya suggested. Live first without thinking about anything, because this still love monkeys. But since I know myself more than anyone else, I alone must decide, taking all things into account.
It's hard to fall in love with someone, even harder if I have to forget someone. So it wasn't an easy choice for me.
As I said before, my fear is that I am falling more and more in love with her, making it difficult for me to let go later.
For almost an hour I made my prostration, while still sobbing for guidance from Him.
And when I was silent in my prostration, accompanied by a restrained sobbing, I thought back to the book I read when I was in 3rd grade Junior High. As if immersed in the words written in the book, I could still remember some important words that finally strengthened me.
••••••
"I know what to do... I know, what decision should I make?" I said in my heart when I woke up from my sleep at 05:00, because my alarm went off.
I took my HP from the nightstand on the left side of my bed, I pressed the turn on button and I turned on a song I had heard when I remembered Johan.
Yes, this song I knew when I got to know Johan. As if it managed to hypnotize me, that Johan was someone special in my heart.
It is called "Paper Boat" by Maudy Ayunda
🎼
**My paper collar is going
Bring a love letter to you
Words are a little crazy
But this is
The paper boat reminds me
How wonderful life is
Seeking for a heart
You're my own best friend
Rekindle the dreams
(love) ideals
I have long since paved my own
Both of us can believe
Refs:
I am so glad you were born in the world
And you're among billions of people
And I can with my radar find you
No one else can stand against my race
My love for you**…
🎼
What decision did Ekklesia make in the end?
Wait for the continuation yes....
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Thank you 🙏
"Love has taught me true love"
T. P. S. G