Port of Love Ekklesia
Grey White Mass 19 (Finale 1)

The decision?

Yeah, maybe it's something I should take. Although making a decision is not an easy thing, but it must still be taken.

Must!!!! Before the seed grows and takes root.

A decision will be the end of the story that somehow begins.

When I think back to those moments, I don't know why I was able to.

A decision that even I have never thought of.

Before Johan came back from town A, he asked me what I wanted.

But with a heavy heart I said that I didn't want anything. And it was all a lie that I had built up.

In the depths of my heart, I want it. But in the end that came out of my mouth "I don't want any Jo".

Since yesterday's incident, my communication with Johan has gotten further and further. Sometimes I don't respond and there are times when he doesn't respond.

And I'm pretty sure his attitude was the result of my treatment.

In addition, even at school I tried to keep acting like I didn't know Johan. And he often frowned when he saw my attitude.

When I cross paths with her, I playfully pretend to be busy with something or talking to someone else.

But after that, I went to the toilet and lamented over my own treatment.

"I'm sorry Jo.. This is the best" I almost cried while squeezing my school hard chest.

That's what happened for almost a month.

Weight????

Certainly is. It wasn't an easy decision. Keep away from him to forget.

Far away, I'm sure Johan was also confused by my attitude. But still I keep my decision, for we step up each other's path.

••••••

December 2013

After 2 months of absolutely no communication, Johan suddenly sent me a message

Ting

Johans

"Merry Christmas Ra. May the peace of Christmas always be with you and your family. Greetings to the family. God bless you Ra"

Wanna cry?

Greas

"Thank you, Jo.... God bless you too Jo. Greetings to family"

"Yes Ra.... "

That was only Johan's reply back then, as if understanding with my attitude all along, he was also not what he used to be.

This December is also the end of Johan's practice at our school. And after this, he would return to his School to hold the Final Examination.

As a person who had been close to him, of course I congratulate him. And he also congratulated me on the Champion 2 that I achieved again.

"Congratulations Ra.... " Say her words while extending her hand.

"Thank Jo. You also survived yes, have completed the practice well. And the spirit of the test will be yes" I reply while receiving a helping hand from Johan.

"Sama-sama Ra. You are also excited for the exam later. But after farewell, we'll see you again. Because from Ekskul we held a show. And I hope we meet there and Photo together yes" he said with a sweet smile and pulled his hand back, then put it in his pants pocket to make him so charming.

"Definitely Jo.... " I answered firmly but gently.

After that, I never thought it would be the end of our High School story.

Other than after I asked for directions, and His answer was no. Not even farewell, because I had to get out of town.

Rejecting promises, that's what I do. But that's not my will. The circumstances and circumstances did not allow us to meet again.

"Ma... I went home first yes to City B... we were farewell Ma... and I wanted to meet my friends for the last time before we all went to college" Whine on my mama through HP.

"But you want to take the exam...." Reply to my mother from across.

"But I definitely won't see them again Ma. They will go out of town to attend Ma's lecture" Please almost cry even my voice is ruffled.

"Abang your cousin has also said that Mama should not go back again Boru (Children in Toba Batak). Once upon a time, if God wills, you all must be found"

"Yes, it's Ma.... " I answered and ended our conversation.

Crying let out tears, maybe it would be my choice then to relieve my tight chest.

But no matter how I cry, my tears don't come out. Even my mouth was too weak to say a word.

But my chest is so tight, so very tight.

Now I just look up at the night sky. As if entrusting the moon to deliver my message to her.

"*This is not my wish. When He says no, I have no right to say yes. My sadness is endless. I started the estrangement between us, but I didn't even explain anything to you. Ii'm sorry.... " My cry in my heart.

"Gathering He allows, could be just for an experience*"

T. P. S. G